Mid-life crisis?
I've been feeling out of sorts for days. Work is making me crazy - I'm going to quit next Friday, I just need to get up the nerve to actually do it. I've been applying for jobs, but it just feels like I'm never going to find one. D encouraged me to apply for this amazing job in his department - and somehow I convinced myself that I actually had a shot at it and applied. Who was I kidding? Turns out there are fifty applicants. That's right - FIFTY. I'm never going to get it, I'm just don't have the experience they're looking for and they'll never hire me. Worst of all, because it's in D's department, his department head is involved in the search and D thinks she's going to find the whole thing weird and uncomfortable. I've also applied for a bunch of really boring and pointless secretarial jobs on campus and therein lies the other side of the coin - I'm hopelessly OVERqualified and therefore they'll never hire me. And so I start to wonder how I'm ever going to have the things I want and what a waste of time the last three years have been. I want a job, a baby and Israel I (nearly) have an MSc which I can't use because there are no GIS jobs I can apply for (not enough experience) within fifty miles of my house. I am no closer to having another baby than I was when we moved up here and since I will never (it seems) earn equal to or more than D, I'll neve have Israel. I could keep trying to have another baby, but that probably means putting off a career and Israel. I could focus on the career and and forget about more kids, but even that doesn't guarantee me Israel because D could, in the meantime, land some fabulous job in, say, Canada and there will be no budging him after that.
So it all just seems rather hopeless these days. I try to explain some of this to D and for some inane, testosterone-driven reason he thinks sex is going to make me feel better.
And have I mentioned that B has lice AGAIN?????