you're only real with your makeup on
I'm not sure what there is to live for. anymore. but not really, it's been like this for awhile, slowly getting worse, eating me out from the inside. the truth that i only have one reason and that's my family, at least i have some love. "is it enough?" i love him too but i feel like it's only a matter of time before that crashes and burns... i don't think he feels strongly enough to come find me, to do what it takes to be with me. he's not there like i need him to be. is there anyone else who feels this low, under fifteen feet of pure white snow. i'm cold i'm numb lust lust dreams sleep sing songs lullabies. i never get what i want. everytime i think MAYBE this is IT i'm wrong, just one dead end after another, one dream crumbled like dried out butterfly wings under your heel, dust, dead. it doesn't matter. nothing matters. there is no chance for happiness for me. ever. i might as well go sleep under the stars. or throw it all away and then know for SURE that i've got no good reason to be here. because you'll never hold me and you'll never kiss me and you'd get over me so quickly. your hands won't ever know the absence of my skin. i'll remove the obstacle and eventually you'll be much happier. i just never could recover. i've been lying through me teeth if i say i'm okay. i'm not. i'm not. i don't think i will be and i don't think i have the courage to do anything about it.