THIS IS THE DISCLAIMER. THIS ONE WILL BE GROSS.
I'm going to talk about a subject that most people don't want to talk about. They like to joke about it, but no one really ever talks about it. The subject is...defecating. Or as most of us refer to it, shitting. Shitting is kind of like the big brown elephant in the room that no one is willing to talk about, except it doesn't have a trunk, and hopefully, no tusks, because that would hurt. But I digress. Have you ever gotten done taking a shit and then looked back at it and thought..."Man...that thing is huge!" And you examine it, thinking..."If I measured that, I bet it would be at least 17 inches long!" And then it hits you...if you save it, you could be able to get into the guiness book of world records for having long poop, and be famous. But, one problem. How would you save it? You would have to make sure it was authentic, otherwise people may just think you rolled it together from several smaller ones, so puttin it in a bag is out of the question. So maybe you have to keep it in the toilet for a while until the guiness guys show up and can measure it, take a few pictures, and maybe give you a quick medical exam. Before they show up, you'll need to procure a backup toilet, in case someone else has to go, or in case you have another one that beats the record.
But here's the other problem. I know I said there was only one, but fuck you, it's my story. How rich and famous do you think you could actually get with big poop? I mean, sure people may know who you are, but it's not exactly the kind of thing that will get you on a sitcom. At the most a spot on Oprah, and maybe, just maybe a one shot on some UPN show, but nothing that'll run more than a few episodes. and it's not really anything you can put on a resume for a job, in fact, I bet an employer would probably not want to hire you in fear of you clogging the break room toilet. And in the end, who wants to hang out with the big poop guy?
Better just flush it.
But here's the other problem. I know I said there was only one, but fuck you, it's my story. How rich and famous do you think you could actually get with big poop? I mean, sure people may know who you are, but it's not exactly the kind of thing that will get you on a sitcom. At the most a spot on Oprah, and maybe, just maybe a one shot on some UPN show, but nothing that'll run more than a few episodes. and it's not really anything you can put on a resume for a job, in fact, I bet an employer would probably not want to hire you in fear of you clogging the break room toilet. And in the end, who wants to hang out with the big poop guy?
Better just flush it.