Thoughts on a distracted Friday
I have long appreciated my bike commute as a time to think and reflect and not get hit by cars (or other cyclists, for that matter.) This morning, after mulling over my librarytour blog for months, I came to a mini epiphany: the blog should be about my life IN libraries, among other things. Not my life looking at or judging libraries. (I'd really like to get away from judging.) Thus, my new concept: Librarytour: A Life in Love and Libraries. I'm not 100% on the name librarytour, so I haven't quite decided if I'll buckle down and buy that domain name (ie. Commit.) Still, I'm feeling more and more satisfied about this decision. After all, the thing really missing from my blog, I realized, was ME.
2011 has so far been a year of significant deaths. My once-favorite Uncle Roger in February, my cousin's beloved father Charles in May, and only remaining grandparent (actually great grand) has been diagnosed with stage four pancreatic cancer. This past week, one of D's uncle's took a big a turn for the worse. In my life, I've been more a collector of life than of death. And there's no getting used to death, I don't think. It's always a big adjustment.
I've discovered a change in myself in terms of my work: I'm no longer the grunt. In my past jobs, I believe I worked FOR people -for their pleasure, for their praise, for their amazement. I shelved books, pulled refrigerators on dollie carts, worked the registers at a clothing store, tried to sell shoes by not selling them exactly, painted the backs of set pieces for theater, sanded tables and changed lightbulbs in the Netherlands. All of this because I was supposed do it, and it pleased me to please people. With my current job, I joined the team because I was intrigued by the agency and it's mission. And with this I slowly made the shift from working to please others, to working in support of something bigger than myself. I'm no longer the worker I was, and I'm proud of what I produce. Which is why I fight for it.
2011 has so far been a year of significant deaths. My once-favorite Uncle Roger in February, my cousin's beloved father Charles in May, and only remaining grandparent (actually great grand) has been diagnosed with stage four pancreatic cancer. This past week, one of D's uncle's took a big a turn for the worse. In my life, I've been more a collector of life than of death. And there's no getting used to death, I don't think. It's always a big adjustment.
I've discovered a change in myself in terms of my work: I'm no longer the grunt. In my past jobs, I believe I worked FOR people -for their pleasure, for their praise, for their amazement. I shelved books, pulled refrigerators on dollie carts, worked the registers at a clothing store, tried to sell shoes by not selling them exactly, painted the backs of set pieces for theater, sanded tables and changed lightbulbs in the Netherlands. All of this because I was supposed do it, and it pleased me to please people. With my current job, I joined the team because I was intrigued by the agency and it's mission. And with this I slowly made the shift from working to please others, to working in support of something bigger than myself. I'm no longer the worker I was, and I'm proud of what I produce. Which is why I fight for it.