Not much going on here today...
I've been playing Final Fantasy X, reading Outlander by Diana Gabaldon and playing Legos and cards with Violet to pass the time.
I only have a semi-working car which I'm a little afraid to use (I don't need two broken down cars at my mom's!).
The book I'm reading seems to hold my attention for about a chapter at a time, which I guess is better than not at all. I've been looking at everything as a way to pass the time. I guess that's summer vacation for ya, though I don't really want this long of a vacation. Funny, I used to be content to sit at home forever, and I'd always find things to do. Not anymore, not since right before the hospital stay. I keep thinking how it sucked to be in there on 4th of July, and how I'm glad I'm doing better now. Somewhat better. I'm not all laughs and smiles, but at least I want to live and can function by myself on some level.
I look forward to Maclean getting home from work every day. I think if I had a reliable car I'd already have a job...maybe.
I'm not sure if it's harder or easier with Violet here. We have NC in a few weeks and then Violet goes back to school. It'll be nice to get back in that routine, at least. I'm going to ask at the school if they have any part-time or temporary things I could do since I'm pregnant and jobless. We could really use some income from me. Maclean says just let him worry about the money. That's very noble of him, but I want to help. Besides, I'M SO BORED!
Violet just came up here (Len's) and she's on his exercise machine. She says she's getting strong in case they play Dodgeball at Summer Playground tomorrow. This is the last week of it. Then we're on our own and it will be tricky for me to find hours when I can work. Maclean has band practice 2x a week, and I don't want to mess that up. The sitiuation generally sucks, but I don't want to think like that. I want and need to think that things will get better and easier. At least once I have the baby I'll have something to do on a regular-ish schedule. I'm lokking forward to the birth and I'm already tired of waiting. =( 5 more months to wait and be bored, hopefully not this bored.
Now Violet's getting on my nerves. All I want is a few minutes of quiet to type this and she's up here bugging me already. Jeez.
It's about 3:30pm. Maclean will be home in 1 1/2 hours and I will have some adult company for dinner until he leaves for band practice. I just don't feel satisfied with doing anything today. It's a blah day. After he leaves I guess I'll try to use the car and go see my mom for a while. That ought to take me right up until Violet's bedtime.
Wish I had some weed to smoke, but if I had it I probably wouldn't feel like doing that either. A nap is an option. I woke up bright and early at 10:15am instead of 11:30AM like usual. I'd love to get up earlier if I had something to do for all those hours. At least I have some dr.'s appts. coming up. Pretty sad when I'm looking forward to dr. appts.
I know I'm just blabbering on about my stupid feelings and problems, but if I can't do that here, who else can I expect to listen? I lkow everyone is tired of hearing about it, but they are still supportive of course, and don't let on that they are as sick of it as I am. I need to make a therapist appt. She was supposed to call me with an appointment like last week. Never did. And now I'm reluctant to make an appt. because that's another $20. spent on my mental health care. $20. every time I see a doctor, and Maclean says the psych. copay is gonna go up after so many visits. I'm thankful he doesn't begrudge me my doctor's visits, I need lots of help to be well, and I'm not quite well yet.
I guess I'm done jabbing for now. Better go find something else unsatisfying to do. At least this felt worthwhile.
Today I: *washed clothes *played with Violet *made a sonogram appt. *watered the flowers *made smoothies