Four little things...
Dustin just asked me how things are going with Kaydie... and I spent a good fifteen minutes spamming his poor phone with a report of incidents which have, one by one, cut away at my tolerance for her. Within a week, I went from finding her nice and feeling cautiously optimistic about this situation to finding her annoying and wanting to hurt her in unfun ways. I tried talking to her about one of the issues, but I don't think she really understood the core problem. I know Justin's talked with her, too, undoubtedly with his kid gloves on, all nice and gently, and I'm certain he really didn't explain why what she's been doing irks me. Maybe it's time that I talk with her again... even if it's going to come out all angry.
Maybe angry isn't entirely a bad thing. Maybe it'll help get the point across. Or maybe it'll just make her feel like crap and make me feel guilty. Ugh.
It's a series of fairly little things, though. It's not like she's an awful person. It's just... little things which show a pattern of disrespect or a lack of what I consider to be common courtesy. It's like our ideas of how to behave respectfully are just different. She does plenty right, but enough wrong that I want to just fucking clock her.
The first thing, which really set us off on the wrong foot, was on Monday night. I rushed out to get Justin cough medicine because he wasn't feeling any better and didn't bother to pick anything up for himself when he was out. When I came back, she was in my bed. On my side of my bed. Where I wanted to be in the middle of the night. Where I should have been able to lay to comfort my husband. My bed, damnit. She didn't get up or offer to make room. She didn't have a problem with invading my space. But fine. She wanted to comfort Justin, too. She was still adjusting to being here and wanted to talk with him. Okay. I grabbed a book and sat on the couch in the other room until she vacated and I could go to sleep. I tried to be understanding and patient. I probably should have mentioned right then and there how much it bothered me that she was on my side of my bed in the middle of the night when I should be going to sleep, but I knew it would come out angry and hateful, so I just let it go. If it had been just that, I'd be fine.
Next was waking up (was it the very next morning?) to her laptop blaring who the fuck knows what at seven something in the morning, before I was even out of bed to get ready for work. How fucking disrespectful that she couldn't put on a goddamned pair of headsets. (Because they hurt her delicate head, apparently, wtf.) She didn't care that we were sleeping in the next room or that it was barely past dawn. I let it go until I was less angry and said something about it later in the day. I even gave her a more comfortable headset to help that along.
She decided to be loud at night, instead. Two, three in the morning, and she's on vent (without a headset, again), shouting at her friends and laughing loudly. This happened more than once, even after we asked her to curb it. Some people need to maintain a good sleep schedule so they can go to work and house your homeless ass, girl. Try to be respectful, hmm? Justin tells me he's talked with her about this (again, which would make three times including the two incidents where we told her to quiet down and a quick talking to when they were out shopping together); let's see if it sinks in.
The last straw was over the weekend, when I'm laying naked in bed with my blanket just barely covering my ass. We've got the bedroom door closed. Not mostly closed but unlatched. Completely fucking closed. We had discussed the very first night that if the door was closed, that meant it was private (and that if it was open, she could just come right in). I notice she's decided to just let herself in when I hear her commenting on how cute Misty is laying on my back. If she knocked, neither Justin (who was wearing headphones) nor I heard it, but she just let herself in, disregarding the established and agreed upon rule. Justin said to me, "I thought she knocked, but I couldn't hear." What? He thought that I, laying there naked and reveling in my solitude, invited her in without covering up a little? Sure. She could have IMed Justin if she wanted to talk with him. They were both online. Seriously pissed me off.
The lack of volume control is annoying, but the violations of what I consider to be my personal and sacred space piss me the fuck off. I feel uncomfortable in the place where I should feel most comfortable. She has no respect for me or my space. I can't tell if it's personal or if she's just clueless. It really fucking bothers me.
Maybe part of the problem is my possessiveness, but seriously, there are certain things that are mine which I won't feel comfortable giving up without being asked first. My side of the bed, my time, my privacy. My cave. Mine. Justin only lives there because he's learned how to be inoffensive. Over the course of years. This chick doesn't have any right to come crashing my cave or spoiling my cave-time just because she feels like it.
On the bright side, she's got a job interview tomorrow and seems to have taken my subtle hint about keeping the air mattress out of the already narrow walkways we've got left in the living room. She's not dumb. She's just thoughtless. I dunno. I want to like her much more than I do. I can't see the person beyond the irritation anymore. I'm losing what little compassion I felt in the first place.
Edited to Add:
I get that she has next to no privacy right now--except, you know, all the time when we're at work and she has the entire place to herself for almost half the day--but she had to have known this was how it was going to be coming into this situation. This is inconvenient for both of us in different ways. I'm giving up my time and money and space as it is. I shouldn't have to give up my privacy (and restful sleep), too.
Maybe angry isn't entirely a bad thing. Maybe it'll help get the point across. Or maybe it'll just make her feel like crap and make me feel guilty. Ugh.
It's a series of fairly little things, though. It's not like she's an awful person. It's just... little things which show a pattern of disrespect or a lack of what I consider to be common courtesy. It's like our ideas of how to behave respectfully are just different. She does plenty right, but enough wrong that I want to just fucking clock her.
The first thing, which really set us off on the wrong foot, was on Monday night. I rushed out to get Justin cough medicine because he wasn't feeling any better and didn't bother to pick anything up for himself when he was out. When I came back, she was in my bed. On my side of my bed. Where I wanted to be in the middle of the night. Where I should have been able to lay to comfort my husband. My bed, damnit. She didn't get up or offer to make room. She didn't have a problem with invading my space. But fine. She wanted to comfort Justin, too. She was still adjusting to being here and wanted to talk with him. Okay. I grabbed a book and sat on the couch in the other room until she vacated and I could go to sleep. I tried to be understanding and patient. I probably should have mentioned right then and there how much it bothered me that she was on my side of my bed in the middle of the night when I should be going to sleep, but I knew it would come out angry and hateful, so I just let it go. If it had been just that, I'd be fine.
Next was waking up (was it the very next morning?) to her laptop blaring who the fuck knows what at seven something in the morning, before I was even out of bed to get ready for work. How fucking disrespectful that she couldn't put on a goddamned pair of headsets. (Because they hurt her delicate head, apparently, wtf.) She didn't care that we were sleeping in the next room or that it was barely past dawn. I let it go until I was less angry and said something about it later in the day. I even gave her a more comfortable headset to help that along.
She decided to be loud at night, instead. Two, three in the morning, and she's on vent (without a headset, again), shouting at her friends and laughing loudly. This happened more than once, even after we asked her to curb it. Some people need to maintain a good sleep schedule so they can go to work and house your homeless ass, girl. Try to be respectful, hmm? Justin tells me he's talked with her about this (again, which would make three times including the two incidents where we told her to quiet down and a quick talking to when they were out shopping together); let's see if it sinks in.
The last straw was over the weekend, when I'm laying naked in bed with my blanket just barely covering my ass. We've got the bedroom door closed. Not mostly closed but unlatched. Completely fucking closed. We had discussed the very first night that if the door was closed, that meant it was private (and that if it was open, she could just come right in). I notice she's decided to just let herself in when I hear her commenting on how cute Misty is laying on my back. If she knocked, neither Justin (who was wearing headphones) nor I heard it, but she just let herself in, disregarding the established and agreed upon rule. Justin said to me, "I thought she knocked, but I couldn't hear." What? He thought that I, laying there naked and reveling in my solitude, invited her in without covering up a little? Sure. She could have IMed Justin if she wanted to talk with him. They were both online. Seriously pissed me off.
The lack of volume control is annoying, but the violations of what I consider to be my personal and sacred space piss me the fuck off. I feel uncomfortable in the place where I should feel most comfortable. She has no respect for me or my space. I can't tell if it's personal or if she's just clueless. It really fucking bothers me.
Maybe part of the problem is my possessiveness, but seriously, there are certain things that are mine which I won't feel comfortable giving up without being asked first. My side of the bed, my time, my privacy. My cave. Mine. Justin only lives there because he's learned how to be inoffensive. Over the course of years. This chick doesn't have any right to come crashing my cave or spoiling my cave-time just because she feels like it.
On the bright side, she's got a job interview tomorrow and seems to have taken my subtle hint about keeping the air mattress out of the already narrow walkways we've got left in the living room. She's not dumb. She's just thoughtless. I dunno. I want to like her much more than I do. I can't see the person beyond the irritation anymore. I'm losing what little compassion I felt in the first place.
Edited to Add:
I get that she has next to no privacy right now--except, you know, all the time when we're at work and she has the entire place to herself for almost half the day--but she had to have known this was how it was going to be coming into this situation. This is inconvenient for both of us in different ways. I'm giving up my time and money and space as it is. I shouldn't have to give up my privacy (and restful sleep), too.