spirituality and practicality.
what intrigues me most about what i read about shekhina is that in some myths, she was equated with lilith. the two seem, to me, to greatly be opposites. on the surface anyway. i have two theories: as christianity developed and women became further subjugated by men, lilith and shekhina were both cast aside as untrue and evil, shekhina perhaps being condemned as a blasphemy; or perhaps there are more complex workings underneath it all that i have yet to unfold. truly, i'm hoping it's the second.
i decided last night that i would begin reading the shining paths by dolores ashcroft-nowicki this weekend. it seemed the right time to begin exploring the qabalah in someway considering what other interests have sprung up and truly grabbed me like nothing else has lately. so i have. i've read the chapter detailing tau, the thirty-second path. truly, it's fascinating. while i doubt all her symbolism will work for me, the ideas were clearly enough put forth that i was able to create a path that will conjure what meaning i gleaned from her texts, but with greater depth due to the more personal appreciation of my symbols. while she uses the story of persephone descending into the underworld, i would rather use psyche, persephone having already assumed her throne. to me, psyche seems a more appropriate myth. malkuth to yesod is about self-discovery. psyche is an aspect of one's self. instead of a mourning demeter, we find a frantic eros. as demeter's grief caused the world to go untended, so does eros'. after all, he is love. while studying reiki, the energy was defined simply as love. it is necessary to all things. if not tended, the world falls to ruin. and she sees persephone and hades as the mother and father of creation, for this aspect anyway, taking away life so that life may begin again. in that respect, i would like persephone to already be there, to have always been there. also, i believe yesod is the masculine aspect of god, yet her journey moves toward the moon, which is always in my mind, and in most representations and symbolism, feminine. so, it makes more sense to me to travel toward the sun. the sun represents renewal to me, the rebirth which is taking place. while the moon does represent reflection, there are other images to supply that necessary point along the journey.
i like that the journey begins at what, to most, especially tarot readers, is the end. the world, the last card of the major arcana, is the big end, but also the ultimate beginning. it makes wonderful sense. it always has to me. consider then the idea that lilith is a gateway into the underworld, her flower opening a gate into death. death, then, is a sexual act, an act of creation.
AH!
and here's the revelation: shekhina is associated with the holy spirit, the feminine aspect of god. the holy spirit carries to death those who cannot go of their own accord. the holy spirit is also the breath of life by which we are all brought into this world.
there's a lot going on in my head right now, and it's all fabulous and fascinating.
i only wish the financial aspects were going so well.
i got paid today. i deposited my paycheck just after ten am. i discovered two hundred dollars missing from my account, taken by a company to whom i do owe money but never authorized those payments. i don't think there's further i can do about that. i discovered my drivers' license has been expired since the end of september. i completely forgot about it. i took the car in for inspection. the work it needed just to pass inspection (mirror/tires/brakes) which didn't include the transmission ate up the entirity of my paycheck and then some. i can't pay rent or bills this month. looks like i'll be living off of ramen for the next two weeks. i guess if mom ever gives me the money for my birthday present, it'll have to go toward practical things first. then i can spend the rest of the month saving again to hopefully make it happen. i don't want it not to happen. things are looking very grim though.
i'm feeling completely inspired and helpless all at once, and it's terribly confusing. spiritually, i'm searching and rejoicing at the mysteries being explored. mentally, i'm at a loss as to what to do. i feel like a twit for ignoring my phone for so long. had i been answering it, i probably could have told them to piss off and made sure that $200 was still in my account. not that i'd be able to pay rent with that, but it would help a lot anyway. so that leaves me emotionally complicated. i'm joyful and miserable, whether i like it or not.
and to be quite honest, i don't really dislike it, even if it is uncomfortable at times.
i decided last night that i would begin reading the shining paths by dolores ashcroft-nowicki this weekend. it seemed the right time to begin exploring the qabalah in someway considering what other interests have sprung up and truly grabbed me like nothing else has lately. so i have. i've read the chapter detailing tau, the thirty-second path. truly, it's fascinating. while i doubt all her symbolism will work for me, the ideas were clearly enough put forth that i was able to create a path that will conjure what meaning i gleaned from her texts, but with greater depth due to the more personal appreciation of my symbols. while she uses the story of persephone descending into the underworld, i would rather use psyche, persephone having already assumed her throne. to me, psyche seems a more appropriate myth. malkuth to yesod is about self-discovery. psyche is an aspect of one's self. instead of a mourning demeter, we find a frantic eros. as demeter's grief caused the world to go untended, so does eros'. after all, he is love. while studying reiki, the energy was defined simply as love. it is necessary to all things. if not tended, the world falls to ruin. and she sees persephone and hades as the mother and father of creation, for this aspect anyway, taking away life so that life may begin again. in that respect, i would like persephone to already be there, to have always been there. also, i believe yesod is the masculine aspect of god, yet her journey moves toward the moon, which is always in my mind, and in most representations and symbolism, feminine. so, it makes more sense to me to travel toward the sun. the sun represents renewal to me, the rebirth which is taking place. while the moon does represent reflection, there are other images to supply that necessary point along the journey.
i like that the journey begins at what, to most, especially tarot readers, is the end. the world, the last card of the major arcana, is the big end, but also the ultimate beginning. it makes wonderful sense. it always has to me. consider then the idea that lilith is a gateway into the underworld, her flower opening a gate into death. death, then, is a sexual act, an act of creation.
AH!
and here's the revelation: shekhina is associated with the holy spirit, the feminine aspect of god. the holy spirit carries to death those who cannot go of their own accord. the holy spirit is also the breath of life by which we are all brought into this world.
there's a lot going on in my head right now, and it's all fabulous and fascinating.
i only wish the financial aspects were going so well.
i got paid today. i deposited my paycheck just after ten am. i discovered two hundred dollars missing from my account, taken by a company to whom i do owe money but never authorized those payments. i don't think there's further i can do about that. i discovered my drivers' license has been expired since the end of september. i completely forgot about it. i took the car in for inspection. the work it needed just to pass inspection (mirror/tires/brakes) which didn't include the transmission ate up the entirity of my paycheck and then some. i can't pay rent or bills this month. looks like i'll be living off of ramen for the next two weeks. i guess if mom ever gives me the money for my birthday present, it'll have to go toward practical things first. then i can spend the rest of the month saving again to hopefully make it happen. i don't want it not to happen. things are looking very grim though.
i'm feeling completely inspired and helpless all at once, and it's terribly confusing. spiritually, i'm searching and rejoicing at the mysteries being explored. mentally, i'm at a loss as to what to do. i feel like a twit for ignoring my phone for so long. had i been answering it, i probably could have told them to piss off and made sure that $200 was still in my account. not that i'd be able to pay rent with that, but it would help a lot anyway. so that leaves me emotionally complicated. i'm joyful and miserable, whether i like it or not.
and to be quite honest, i don't really dislike it, even if it is uncomfortable at times.