i hate making decisions.
Nothing is more likely to make me want to do something than deciding that I want to do something else. It never fails. I decided on the pastry school program. I had a great list of reasons! (it's creative, it's something I've always wanted to do, it's going to be really close to the new apartment - like about four blocks or thereabouts, it's a little less expensive, it's shorter - five quarters instead of eight ...)
And so I phoned and got myself put on the list. I have everything all filled out, all the testing is done, etc. etc. Now I just wait, and change my contact information when I move, and make sure periodically I'm on the right list (because it's a popular program and it's limited-space every year). They're closing the program due to massive building renovations for two quarters next year, so I'm on the list for fall 2009. Everything's good, right?
Apparently not. Now that I've made that decision, my brain starts iterating over all the reasons the other one would have been a better idea and how dumb I am for deciding this idea was any good at all and how I am either going to a) fail or 2) never have time to do anything else that I enjoy doing EVAR AGAIN because the job will eat all of my free time every single day.
I do not understand myself. My brain is broken. There is something obviously wrong with it. (actually yes, there is - this is a typical display of atypical depression. Which is such a stupid name for it.)
Seaners had a little party with his class today (his birthday is tomorrow); he brought home one of those talking cards (it startled me) and a really adorable stuffed seal cub. He came home, had a snack and then fell asleep curled up in a ball on his sofa.
(tomorrow we will have warm fruit and gluten free brownies instead of cake, and I think that will make him happy, because those are two of his favorite things. <3)
I still can't believe he's almost seven. <3
I suddenly feel old and panicky for no reason. AUGH BRAIN STOPPIT. *medicates brain into submission, or at least some form of behaving*
And so I phoned and got myself put on the list. I have everything all filled out, all the testing is done, etc. etc. Now I just wait, and change my contact information when I move, and make sure periodically I'm on the right list (because it's a popular program and it's limited-space every year). They're closing the program due to massive building renovations for two quarters next year, so I'm on the list for fall 2009. Everything's good, right?
Apparently not. Now that I've made that decision, my brain starts iterating over all the reasons the other one would have been a better idea and how dumb I am for deciding this idea was any good at all and how I am either going to a) fail or 2) never have time to do anything else that I enjoy doing EVAR AGAIN because the job will eat all of my free time every single day.
I do not understand myself. My brain is broken. There is something obviously wrong with it. (actually yes, there is - this is a typical display of atypical depression. Which is such a stupid name for it.)
Seaners had a little party with his class today (his birthday is tomorrow); he brought home one of those talking cards (it startled me) and a really adorable stuffed seal cub. He came home, had a snack and then fell asleep curled up in a ball on his sofa.
(tomorrow we will have warm fruit and gluten free brownies instead of cake, and I think that will make him happy, because those are two of his favorite things. <3)
I still can't believe he's almost seven. <3
I suddenly feel old and panicky for no reason. AUGH BRAIN STOPPIT. *medicates brain into submission, or at least some form of behaving*