Its late but I can't sleep...
Its way too late to be awake, but I am. I was really sick earlier and napped, so I think that's playing a part in my insomnia tonight. Its been a weird couple of weeks. A lot of random crazy shit has happened. But I won't go into it all because I know better. :) But a lot of awesome fun stuff has happened! My roomie and I have partied on more than one occasion and that's just too awesome for words! And Nancy went out with us too! Yippee! And Jenn. (And my brother and other stupid stupid boys, but we won't go there.) I really miss everyone, esp. my girls. I don't really get to hear from people lately, and I feel like when I call them no one wants to talk. I feel pretty disconnected to everyone but Mindy and Angie right now. I don't know. I feel like I need a shrink myself, which is ironic since I'm going to be one some day, but I just need to vent. I have been having a lot of issues with rage lately, and its getting hard for me to mellow out. I might seem like I am, but inside, I'm wound so tight I get fidgety and really mad over stupid stuff. But they say anger comes from hurt feelings. But I'm not sure that's it, because no one has done anything particularly heinous to me (well, except for my bastard RA, but I don't really give two sh*ts what he thinks about me).
Sometimes I feel like I need to cry, but I don't know exactly why, and I feel like I need to talk, but to whom? Its really weird, but I've become so introverted since freshmen year. I get tired easily now, and its hard to find the time and the strength to share what I'm thinking with people, to burden them. I know its takes a lot out of me to play therapist all the time, and I know that my problems are really going to sound dumb to other people. Plus, I hate to cry, esp. in front of people. So I guess whatever with that.
I just need to find a way to remember what about me might be decent. In high school, I knew what it was. But I've went down hill a lot since then, and I'm not so sure if I'll ever be who I want. Self-actualization is a bitch, man. But I get to see my niece more now, and I'll be living with her and Mindy after graduation, so maybe being around her more will remind me (or help me figure out in the first place?) what God put me here to do. [Anytime, Big Guy, I'm ready to hear you out on this one.....] :)
Sometimes I feel like I need to cry, but I don't know exactly why, and I feel like I need to talk, but to whom? Its really weird, but I've become so introverted since freshmen year. I get tired easily now, and its hard to find the time and the strength to share what I'm thinking with people, to burden them. I know its takes a lot out of me to play therapist all the time, and I know that my problems are really going to sound dumb to other people. Plus, I hate to cry, esp. in front of people. So I guess whatever with that.
I just need to find a way to remember what about me might be decent. In high school, I knew what it was. But I've went down hill a lot since then, and I'm not so sure if I'll ever be who I want. Self-actualization is a bitch, man. But I get to see my niece more now, and I'll be living with her and Mindy after graduation, so maybe being around her more will remind me (or help me figure out in the first place?) what God put me here to do. [Anytime, Big Guy, I'm ready to hear you out on this one.....] :)