for your information dear.
So this is what my life had come down to. A dark smoke filled room... day after day, night after night in the company of a handful of stangers with nothing better to do on a weeknight. Chances were they were already trashed and stoned out of their minds. (this is what i gave up my life for? i chose the shittiest option possible. And for what? to prove something to these people?) Anyway... these were just the best times.
I think there were few moments in 2004 that really stood out. Hfstival, Warped tour, Flipside. I will never forget that. but i honestly couldve done without all the other bullshit. I loved the real hxc fans though. i will dearly miss all of the ones i will prolly never see again. But so much of last year wasnt worth screwing my life over.
Someone told me recently i made a big mistake leaving underscore, and that i should have worked out my problems with the band, even if i didnt like them. And to tough it out cuz we had a good thing going and that labels and bigger bands wanted to work with us. But I dont think they saw the big picture. They need to realize that I am a living, breathing creature. I have a life, a heart, and more importantly a brain. I wasnt happy doing what i was doing. I wasnt happy with the band. I wasnt happy with the people. There were so many things that were wrong in my life. With my family, My friends, Myself, and i just couldnt go on hurting myself just to make people happy. i refuse to be embarassed for the rest of my life playing shitty shows to no one, and even worse playing horribly cuz the band i was in didnt have it together, or much less the drive to want to be anywhere near one another. In short, you cant make people like each other if they really dont. not for all the money in the world. Its just a big fucked up soap opera that everyone loves to watch and gossip over and plays itself out until someone finally snaps. That someone wasnt just me. I was just the first one to actually do it.
I just wanted to clear this up for all the "not so bright people".
Also, if you are reading this. I want to say i miss you Paul and Ryan. A lot. I hope to see you soon bros.
XXX
Phil
I think there were few moments in 2004 that really stood out. Hfstival, Warped tour, Flipside. I will never forget that. but i honestly couldve done without all the other bullshit. I loved the real hxc fans though. i will dearly miss all of the ones i will prolly never see again. But so much of last year wasnt worth screwing my life over.
Someone told me recently i made a big mistake leaving underscore, and that i should have worked out my problems with the band, even if i didnt like them. And to tough it out cuz we had a good thing going and that labels and bigger bands wanted to work with us. But I dont think they saw the big picture. They need to realize that I am a living, breathing creature. I have a life, a heart, and more importantly a brain. I wasnt happy doing what i was doing. I wasnt happy with the band. I wasnt happy with the people. There were so many things that were wrong in my life. With my family, My friends, Myself, and i just couldnt go on hurting myself just to make people happy. i refuse to be embarassed for the rest of my life playing shitty shows to no one, and even worse playing horribly cuz the band i was in didnt have it together, or much less the drive to want to be anywhere near one another. In short, you cant make people like each other if they really dont. not for all the money in the world. Its just a big fucked up soap opera that everyone loves to watch and gossip over and plays itself out until someone finally snaps. That someone wasnt just me. I was just the first one to actually do it.
I just wanted to clear this up for all the "not so bright people".
Also, if you are reading this. I want to say i miss you Paul and Ryan. A lot. I hope to see you soon bros.
XXX
Phil