Store Adventures
Hi to all of you terrorists,
Today I shall report on a nice mini adventure I had. I was at my local international foods (aka dream come true store) crouched over by a bunch of insane looking Korean (or something) ramen noodle soups when this group of kids walked into the place. The leader of this miniature mob goes up to me and starts yelling something at me, but I'm having trouble understanding him. Since the place is "international foods" and the kid was ultra blonde, I came to the somewhat stupid conclusion that he must have been speaking polish or something. I guess I jumped to that somewhat illogical conclusion because I used to live in a predominantly polish neighborhood back home and it wasn't uncommon to have polish people assume that I am polish and randomly start speaking polish to me. This kid continues to yell at my face and I'm sitting there trying to figure out a way to convey that I don't speak whatever language he's trying to communicate with me in. Fortunately, the lady behind the counter came to my aid and said "no no no, he doesn't work here!" At this point, the kid ran up to the counter and started yelling at the lady, and I was able to make out the phrase "toffee apples". It may have actually been "taffy apples" but I'm not entirely sure as the kid had an extremely thick accent.
Yes, it turns out that he was speaking English all along, albiet in that gutter trashy "England's version of ebonics" way. Then, in one of the most hilariously ironic moments I've ever witnessed in my entire life, the kid starts going on this insane rant about how the lady behind the counter shouldn't be working in England if she doesn't speak english, while she's replying to him in much clearer and easier to understand english than he was speaking. I was floored by this (in that I literally fell over on my ass in the middle of the store), because honestly, what the fuck? I know as well as anyone that kids are really fucking stupid, but how does something like this even happen. How can you stumble around your own native language so clumsily while yelling at someone who speaks it much more eloquently than you without even noticing? Not to mention, how did the kid get me confused for a store employee in the first place? I realized during his rant that he must have also been asking me about the "toffee apples", but I didn't even remotely look like I worked there. The two employees in this tiny place were both wearing black "international foods" polo shirts while I was wearing a bright orange Reese's peanut butter cup T shirt. Also, why would you even think a place like that would have taffy (toffee?) apples in the first place? I guess I can give them that one because they're kids and therefore stupid, but honestly you could've covered the whole store in about 10 seconds to find out.
To top it all off, the kids were strutting out of the place afterwards like they just totally laid down the smackdown on some stupid Indian immigrant, while me and the lady behind the counter are looking at each other with the same "what the fuck" expression. On my way out, I did reassure her that those kids were just insane and not to worry about anything because she was clearly speaking much better English than they were, and we actually got into a nice little conversation about different cultures in different parts of the world and what it's like living away from home and what not. For the record, I did end up buying some crazy "stir fry flavor" soup which I'm sure will be delicious. In an impulse buy, I also grabbed a box of Pocky at the counter, which is peculiar because I never even really liked Pocky. I guess I was still in a state of shock at the time.
Today I shall report on a nice mini adventure I had. I was at my local international foods (aka dream come true store) crouched over by a bunch of insane looking Korean (or something) ramen noodle soups when this group of kids walked into the place. The leader of this miniature mob goes up to me and starts yelling something at me, but I'm having trouble understanding him. Since the place is "international foods" and the kid was ultra blonde, I came to the somewhat stupid conclusion that he must have been speaking polish or something. I guess I jumped to that somewhat illogical conclusion because I used to live in a predominantly polish neighborhood back home and it wasn't uncommon to have polish people assume that I am polish and randomly start speaking polish to me. This kid continues to yell at my face and I'm sitting there trying to figure out a way to convey that I don't speak whatever language he's trying to communicate with me in. Fortunately, the lady behind the counter came to my aid and said "no no no, he doesn't work here!" At this point, the kid ran up to the counter and started yelling at the lady, and I was able to make out the phrase "toffee apples". It may have actually been "taffy apples" but I'm not entirely sure as the kid had an extremely thick accent.
Yes, it turns out that he was speaking English all along, albiet in that gutter trashy "England's version of ebonics" way. Then, in one of the most hilariously ironic moments I've ever witnessed in my entire life, the kid starts going on this insane rant about how the lady behind the counter shouldn't be working in England if she doesn't speak english, while she's replying to him in much clearer and easier to understand english than he was speaking. I was floored by this (in that I literally fell over on my ass in the middle of the store), because honestly, what the fuck? I know as well as anyone that kids are really fucking stupid, but how does something like this even happen. How can you stumble around your own native language so clumsily while yelling at someone who speaks it much more eloquently than you without even noticing? Not to mention, how did the kid get me confused for a store employee in the first place? I realized during his rant that he must have also been asking me about the "toffee apples", but I didn't even remotely look like I worked there. The two employees in this tiny place were both wearing black "international foods" polo shirts while I was wearing a bright orange Reese's peanut butter cup T shirt. Also, why would you even think a place like that would have taffy (toffee?) apples in the first place? I guess I can give them that one because they're kids and therefore stupid, but honestly you could've covered the whole store in about 10 seconds to find out.
To top it all off, the kids were strutting out of the place afterwards like they just totally laid down the smackdown on some stupid Indian immigrant, while me and the lady behind the counter are looking at each other with the same "what the fuck" expression. On my way out, I did reassure her that those kids were just insane and not to worry about anything because she was clearly speaking much better English than they were, and we actually got into a nice little conversation about different cultures in different parts of the world and what it's like living away from home and what not. For the record, I did end up buying some crazy "stir fry flavor" soup which I'm sure will be delicious. In an impulse buy, I also grabbed a box of Pocky at the counter, which is peculiar because I never even really liked Pocky. I guess I was still in a state of shock at the time.