New Screenname, Thoughts on Nohing
I got a new screen name today: Note My Nerdom . I still am a band nerd, so it fits.
Today when I took Selby out for a walk at the park, I got to ruminating. Especially over the events of late march and early April. It's funny, it's like part of me was dreaming, better having nightmares. I can remember classes, getting senior pictures and such with great clarity. But at the same time I have blurry memories of the other stuff that went on, I can't describe it. Reflecting on those things almost makes me fall back down into the Hole that I fell into. I keep almost tripping on it again, no, come to think of it, one foot probably is still in it. But, we'r emoving.
At the reunion thing tongiht, I felt distanced and secluded. It was strange. I left fairly quickly afterward and drove over to Starbucks with the express intention of thinking. For no reason whatsoever, the place is conducive to thought for me. I knew I was tired, I knew going home wouldn't help, so I sat down in the chair with my Caffe Latte for a good thirty minutes. And thought. One of the things I was thinking about were taking a step back from my daily faith life, what stands out and how does that faith compare to doctrinal Christian faith. One of things that knocked me over the head was my constant self-scolding for motives, for perceived sins, and the like. And, I suppose in some ways I need to stop that because while motives are important, as I've learned recently no one ever will have completely pure motives, while they are on this planet at least.
The thing I spent most of my time, though, was this: Does anything in this world have intrinsic/inherent value? Because while it may seem self-evident to everyone, I long thought well, sure human life does. But now that I think about it, does it? And how can something have intrinsic value? The very concept of value implies an external agent evaluating something to determine its value. So... how can anything have intrinsic value. Spof. I'll write more on this tommorow.
Sometimes I'm lame.
My parents and their team are safely in Panama. They can't call very often, it's weird having the house to just Anna and I. I hope they do well teaching ESL. Man, two people living in a 3800 square foot house next year. That's crazy. Le sigh.
I also find it interesting how most people when they look at themselves say, "I wouldn't want to be friends with me." I know it's true for me. I have no idea why I have friends. What else?
Not much, so I shall bid you the reader a good ngiht or a good day depending on when you read this.