Never Bring a Relationship to a Gun Fight (1524 words)
Bang, Bang, Bang.
Of all the gin joints in this run down ghetto, she had to walk into mine. The harsh smell of lead pounded my nose as the bitter taste of sulfur reached the tip of my tongue as if I just drank the finest pure pot still whiskey that this joint had to offer. The muzzle on my canon aimed straight for the place that hurt the most, the place where she kept room for boys like me to make plans and build lives together. I never thought the word murder and lover could be placed so elegantly next to each other in the same sentence. But here I am, standing with this piece in my hand looking at myself from the outside in. Staring into the face of a kid painted in tears with the reflection of someone else. This wasn’t me. This wasn’t how it was supposed to end up. This isn’t how an ending to a story should be. But hey, we all make our own destiny. We all make choices that will alter our lives and make them either go belly up or sail straight to seventh heaven.
God damn, I really could use a smoke right about now.
***************************************
I never thought in my wildest dreams I could have met someone like her. Her skin was a graceful earth tone and her eyes could light up the deepest parts of hell, giving hope to the lost souls of sinners who were kept in the darkness for all eternity.
I met her through a sea of cardboard boxes and rain clouds in the heart of the city. The kind of place where its pulse flows to the rhythm of a forgotten hymn of poverty and a yearning for a better life. I was a preacher to a congregation of addictions and broken homes. I was a savior who sold salvation to the weak and hungry with medicine in the form of a needle. I was the Anti Christ of our generation.
This city has a way of making everyone look the same. But something that night pushed me in her direction. She wasn’t like everyone else and she stood out like a sore thumb. She wore a sun dress in the middle of winter and her eyes were covered in sunglasses as the sun was going down. Acquired steps and stuttering words were all that I could think about at that moment. I’ve never met a girl that could make my heart skip a beat. Never in my deepest fantasy could I have pictured a gal like this. She took the air right from my throat and replaced them with an unprepared ice breaker.
“Excuse me Miss, but do you have a light?”
“Why the sun’s goin’ down, you better find one fast,” she said with a clever smirk on her face.
And with a dim look I said, “No, a lighter.”
“Oh, I’m sorry, I got confused because you seem to have one in your hand already.”
I took a hard look into my hand to find my silver lighter that I have had since I was a kid fueled up and ready to go.
She gave an innocent laugh and said her name was Morgan.
“Hey stranger, do you mind if I borrow your lighter, it’s getting dark and my cigarette isn’t going to light itself. And plus, I could use the company.”
I opened my palm and with a James Dean type swagger I flipped open the top of the lighter and strike the flint with my denim.
She sucks in the cancer and says, “Thanks for the company, now you could buy me a drink at that place down the street.”
It was a moment that not even the cameras of the best moving pictures could have captured, and I took it in for all it was worth. That night, I wasn’t a drug dealer or the Jesus of poverty, I was James fuckin' Dean and I was the king of Hollywood. I was the guy who got the girl and I loved it. I grabbed her by the hand and with the light of a hundred lampposts to guide the way, we walked off into the midst and fog where it began to rain.
********************************************
It was three months after that moment that we were married, and it has been three years since we gave our vows.
This city was now in a grave depression and people had been looking towards me for saving. I’m in the business of making people forget their problems and she didn’t like that. She didn’t like the fact that I had to carry a strap tucked under my belt and she didn’t appreciate my newfound attitude of drunken nights and a drugged out future.
“It seems that you have to work late every night,” she said.
“I told you before, it’s a business and as long as people need it, I’m here to supply it.”
“Can’t you take a night off, I miss you.”
The broad just didn't understand that if I stop, then the food stops. She didn't grasp the concept of a depressed city in dire need of salvation in the times where it seems the world is going to end.
"I can't just take off. When it's dark, then it's my time to shed light on all the dark places. The places that seem to sit right off our Lord's radar. The people look for me to give them strength and the will to press on."
She looked at me with the wrath of a thousand suns and said, "You know, you have a really bad God complex all of a sudden."
I turned as I opened the front door and said, "In my line of work babe, you have to have one. You see, guys like us know where we're headed and it ain't pretty. It's all hell, fire, and brimstone when I'm lying six feet under."
**********************************************************************
It was six o'clock in the morning and I'm stone cold drunk and high as a skyscraper. I put down the bottle of jack and place my earnings for the night on the night stand.
"Huh? That's strange. The bed is made."
I go and turn the light on Morgan's side to discover a note and a ring. I shake off my high and concentrate on what that yellow piece of paper had to say.
Dear "God",
I'm writing to tell you that this lifestyle isn't what I had in mind. Late night wake up calls and hung over mornings isn't exactly every girl's fantasy, you know.
For the past six months, I've been seeing someone else and he earns an honest living. Enclosed with this letter is our wedding ring. Please do not try and find me.
I really did love you but I just don't think I'm in love with you. My James Dean, the timing was off, and it just ain't going to work out.
Take Care of Yourself,
Morgan
My heart hit the floor like a ton of bricks. This lifestyle gave her everything she ever wanted. This lifestyle gave hope to the weak and weary and made me the man you see here today. That two-timing slime knows what she has coming to her.
The last time I saw her she gave me a kiss with opened eyes. She said with a smile, "I love you. And I always will."
*********************************************************************
Last words spoken from a girl who took three to the chest. This soft spoken knight in shining armor has now painted his shield in a blood red. He no longer fights for honor and truth, but for revenge and control. But maybe the broad had it coming. Maybe if she meant what she had said none of this would have happened. I should have never told myself she was the one. I should have looked harder into that crystal ball, past the fog and hazy images. I should have never let her walk out of my life and into the arms of another man. I shouldn’t have let my job get in the way of love. Now I stand here in the middle of gun smoke filled room with the lucky that I struck to clam my nerves. I dropped the pistol in the middle of the dance floor and fell to my knees. This is what heaven must feel like. I have an image of a place where all of my feelings and desires are null and where a hint of nostalgia will suffice for a world that was left behind.
I could no longer distinguish between the smoke of my square and the smoke from the chamber because both of them smelled like death to me. I stood up and began to walk out. I stepped over her as if she were a pair of church shoes in the garbage. A piece of trash that was easy on the eyes but is still just a piece of trash that once was mine.
I love you Morgan. But it's just like I said, guys like us, we know where we're headed and it ain't pretty. I'm the Jesus of poverty, but I guess there's no heaven for a worldly savior.
Of all the gin joints in this run down ghetto, she had to walk into mine. The harsh smell of lead pounded my nose as the bitter taste of sulfur reached the tip of my tongue as if I just drank the finest pure pot still whiskey that this joint had to offer. The muzzle on my canon aimed straight for the place that hurt the most, the place where she kept room for boys like me to make plans and build lives together. I never thought the word murder and lover could be placed so elegantly next to each other in the same sentence. But here I am, standing with this piece in my hand looking at myself from the outside in. Staring into the face of a kid painted in tears with the reflection of someone else. This wasn’t me. This wasn’t how it was supposed to end up. This isn’t how an ending to a story should be. But hey, we all make our own destiny. We all make choices that will alter our lives and make them either go belly up or sail straight to seventh heaven.
God damn, I really could use a smoke right about now.
***************************************
I never thought in my wildest dreams I could have met someone like her. Her skin was a graceful earth tone and her eyes could light up the deepest parts of hell, giving hope to the lost souls of sinners who were kept in the darkness for all eternity.
I met her through a sea of cardboard boxes and rain clouds in the heart of the city. The kind of place where its pulse flows to the rhythm of a forgotten hymn of poverty and a yearning for a better life. I was a preacher to a congregation of addictions and broken homes. I was a savior who sold salvation to the weak and hungry with medicine in the form of a needle. I was the Anti Christ of our generation.
This city has a way of making everyone look the same. But something that night pushed me in her direction. She wasn’t like everyone else and she stood out like a sore thumb. She wore a sun dress in the middle of winter and her eyes were covered in sunglasses as the sun was going down. Acquired steps and stuttering words were all that I could think about at that moment. I’ve never met a girl that could make my heart skip a beat. Never in my deepest fantasy could I have pictured a gal like this. She took the air right from my throat and replaced them with an unprepared ice breaker.
“Excuse me Miss, but do you have a light?”
“Why the sun’s goin’ down, you better find one fast,” she said with a clever smirk on her face.
And with a dim look I said, “No, a lighter.”
“Oh, I’m sorry, I got confused because you seem to have one in your hand already.”
I took a hard look into my hand to find my silver lighter that I have had since I was a kid fueled up and ready to go.
She gave an innocent laugh and said her name was Morgan.
“Hey stranger, do you mind if I borrow your lighter, it’s getting dark and my cigarette isn’t going to light itself. And plus, I could use the company.”
I opened my palm and with a James Dean type swagger I flipped open the top of the lighter and strike the flint with my denim.
She sucks in the cancer and says, “Thanks for the company, now you could buy me a drink at that place down the street.”
It was a moment that not even the cameras of the best moving pictures could have captured, and I took it in for all it was worth. That night, I wasn’t a drug dealer or the Jesus of poverty, I was James fuckin' Dean and I was the king of Hollywood. I was the guy who got the girl and I loved it. I grabbed her by the hand and with the light of a hundred lampposts to guide the way, we walked off into the midst and fog where it began to rain.
********************************************
It was three months after that moment that we were married, and it has been three years since we gave our vows.
This city was now in a grave depression and people had been looking towards me for saving. I’m in the business of making people forget their problems and she didn’t like that. She didn’t like the fact that I had to carry a strap tucked under my belt and she didn’t appreciate my newfound attitude of drunken nights and a drugged out future.
“It seems that you have to work late every night,” she said.
“I told you before, it’s a business and as long as people need it, I’m here to supply it.”
“Can’t you take a night off, I miss you.”
The broad just didn't understand that if I stop, then the food stops. She didn't grasp the concept of a depressed city in dire need of salvation in the times where it seems the world is going to end.
"I can't just take off. When it's dark, then it's my time to shed light on all the dark places. The places that seem to sit right off our Lord's radar. The people look for me to give them strength and the will to press on."
She looked at me with the wrath of a thousand suns and said, "You know, you have a really bad God complex all of a sudden."
I turned as I opened the front door and said, "In my line of work babe, you have to have one. You see, guys like us know where we're headed and it ain't pretty. It's all hell, fire, and brimstone when I'm lying six feet under."
**********************************************************************
It was six o'clock in the morning and I'm stone cold drunk and high as a skyscraper. I put down the bottle of jack and place my earnings for the night on the night stand.
"Huh? That's strange. The bed is made."
I go and turn the light on Morgan's side to discover a note and a ring. I shake off my high and concentrate on what that yellow piece of paper had to say.
Dear "God",
I'm writing to tell you that this lifestyle isn't what I had in mind. Late night wake up calls and hung over mornings isn't exactly every girl's fantasy, you know.
For the past six months, I've been seeing someone else and he earns an honest living. Enclosed with this letter is our wedding ring. Please do not try and find me.
I really did love you but I just don't think I'm in love with you. My James Dean, the timing was off, and it just ain't going to work out.
Take Care of Yourself,
Morgan
My heart hit the floor like a ton of bricks. This lifestyle gave her everything she ever wanted. This lifestyle gave hope to the weak and weary and made me the man you see here today. That two-timing slime knows what she has coming to her.
The last time I saw her she gave me a kiss with opened eyes. She said with a smile, "I love you. And I always will."
*********************************************************************
Last words spoken from a girl who took three to the chest. This soft spoken knight in shining armor has now painted his shield in a blood red. He no longer fights for honor and truth, but for revenge and control. But maybe the broad had it coming. Maybe if she meant what she had said none of this would have happened. I should have never told myself she was the one. I should have looked harder into that crystal ball, past the fog and hazy images. I should have never let her walk out of my life and into the arms of another man. I shouldn’t have let my job get in the way of love. Now I stand here in the middle of gun smoke filled room with the lucky that I struck to clam my nerves. I dropped the pistol in the middle of the dance floor and fell to my knees. This is what heaven must feel like. I have an image of a place where all of my feelings and desires are null and where a hint of nostalgia will suffice for a world that was left behind.
I could no longer distinguish between the smoke of my square and the smoke from the chamber because both of them smelled like death to me. I stood up and began to walk out. I stepped over her as if she were a pair of church shoes in the garbage. A piece of trash that was easy on the eyes but is still just a piece of trash that once was mine.
I love you Morgan. But it's just like I said, guys like us, we know where we're headed and it ain't pretty. I'm the Jesus of poverty, but I guess there's no heaven for a worldly savior.