Fear.
Every time I read something about living for the day and telling people what I really think I tell myself I'll start implementing it the next day. But it never happens. And I know exactly why.
I am so scared. Scared in an uppity way, in that I don't know if people appreciate the time and courage it takes to tell the truth, to let nothing get in the way of letting people know how you feel.
Scared in a consequences way, in that I have no idea how they'll react, or how they will treat me from then on, or how much it will change the relationship we have.
Scared I'll say it wrong, and they'll get the wrong impression and open up a new can of worms.
And then I think and think and realize everyone else fears the same things.
So why haven't I started yet?
I'm scared.
Love is a scary word, not just in relationships, but friendships too. For some reason it's taboo to say you love your friends, to your friends? Not as in "I love you guys" but as in "I love you, insertnamehere." without it being taken as "in love with you." What is going on there?
I hate telling people that I miss them, because I fear that makes me sound pathetic and like my life here is not enough, but that's not it at all. I remember all the times I had with them and how good it made me feel, and I want them to know that. But I hate saying it, because of how it makes me look. Ridiculous. I shouldn't care about these things.
So much fear.
I am so scared. Scared in an uppity way, in that I don't know if people appreciate the time and courage it takes to tell the truth, to let nothing get in the way of letting people know how you feel.
Scared in a consequences way, in that I have no idea how they'll react, or how they will treat me from then on, or how much it will change the relationship we have.
Scared I'll say it wrong, and they'll get the wrong impression and open up a new can of worms.
And then I think and think and realize everyone else fears the same things.
So why haven't I started yet?
I'm scared.
Love is a scary word, not just in relationships, but friendships too. For some reason it's taboo to say you love your friends, to your friends? Not as in "I love you guys" but as in "I love you, insertnamehere." without it being taken as "in love with you." What is going on there?
I hate telling people that I miss them, because I fear that makes me sound pathetic and like my life here is not enough, but that's not it at all. I remember all the times I had with them and how good it made me feel, and I want them to know that. But I hate saying it, because of how it makes me look. Ridiculous. I shouldn't care about these things.
So much fear.