I am Human
Here I am, 1:50am, amazed by the wonders of white outside.. beautiful yet dangerous as most things in life seem to follow that very rule. My mind is racing. I could analyze it further realizing it is due to a combination of inputs I have recieved over the past few hours, days, weeks, months.. I could interpret my rollercoaster of emotions as a result of the outside world. Or.. I can stand in silence, close my eyes, and realize that I am alive.. that I am a breathing, living, THINKING Human! We give ourselves such high status in the hierarchy of life. We regard ourselves always with a capital H. I sometimes close my eyes and want to rip that H away, to be able to separate my mind from my body and feel the world as it has truly meant to be. Are we meant to be living in a world created for us? If natural selection is how mother nature chooses the ways of the world and therefore the history then is this selfish species that destroys so many other living things in the path to success just a part of mother nature's course.. if it is survival of the fittest than we have done well but perhaps the gift of knowledge has been weighted with the responsibility of decisions and we are backtracking our initial evolution by not recognizing the great responsibility we have been bound with. I am filled with so many thoughts and being tugged in two directions that I realize the only thing I can do is to close my eyes and gain control. To stop the madness that is going on in my mind.
We are human beings, surviving and reproducing like every other organism on the planet. Because we are gifted with emotions and decisions we are able to realize and think about the deep connections every living species forms on this planet and the importance of diversity and entanglement. We all belong here equally, so why are we so determined to drive everything else away.. even if they are not competition. Mother nature will find a balance.
I used to be angry because I was born into this world a human. I used to try and force myself away from the nature of my own species.. to blend with the rest of the earth and try and block my emotions. I realize now that that cannot be possible. Rather than hate the world I live in, to embrace it for its wonders. It is human to feel things and to have emotional strings pulled on with reflections of past experiences because as humans we love to relate. How else do we learn if we have nothing to direct us. If we didn't have a memory - conscious or subconscious - we would never learn from past mistakes.. nor would we learn about the world we live in, nor feel particular emotions for particular experiences. Society has shaped me to feel lonely when I direct my attention to so many that have a life partner, that have many close friends and families they spend every day with. Just because I feel a sadness thinking about the connections that are formed with a physical bond between humans doesn't mean I am needy, nor dependent on anybody. It doesn't mean I won't live a perfecty satisfactory life.. but I can accept that I miss somebody that is not here, and I can accept that I desire the connection made between my partner and I because of the memories I contain.. because of the feelings I retained from the times he was physically close to me, and the gestures he made that pulled those happy strings inside of me. I can accept that because I have the ability to remember and to feel emotions It will be natural to feel a certain sadness, compassion, or worries. Because of my past experience both from what I have been through and have seen others go through I should not feel guilt for my concerns and my sadness.
Here I am, 2:10am, writing in my public journal. Telling whoever is willing to listen that I realize I am human and because of that I am able to feel sadness and compassion. Because I realize that I can close my eyes and begin to control these emotions, to concentrate on the sounds in the background, the nerve endings shooting from the tip of my toes to the tip of my fingers and out of my skull. I can begin to step outside and separate my body from my mind.
We are human beings, surviving and reproducing like every other organism on the planet. Because we are gifted with emotions and decisions we are able to realize and think about the deep connections every living species forms on this planet and the importance of diversity and entanglement. We all belong here equally, so why are we so determined to drive everything else away.. even if they are not competition. Mother nature will find a balance.
I used to be angry because I was born into this world a human. I used to try and force myself away from the nature of my own species.. to blend with the rest of the earth and try and block my emotions. I realize now that that cannot be possible. Rather than hate the world I live in, to embrace it for its wonders. It is human to feel things and to have emotional strings pulled on with reflections of past experiences because as humans we love to relate. How else do we learn if we have nothing to direct us. If we didn't have a memory - conscious or subconscious - we would never learn from past mistakes.. nor would we learn about the world we live in, nor feel particular emotions for particular experiences. Society has shaped me to feel lonely when I direct my attention to so many that have a life partner, that have many close friends and families they spend every day with. Just because I feel a sadness thinking about the connections that are formed with a physical bond between humans doesn't mean I am needy, nor dependent on anybody. It doesn't mean I won't live a perfecty satisfactory life.. but I can accept that I miss somebody that is not here, and I can accept that I desire the connection made between my partner and I because of the memories I contain.. because of the feelings I retained from the times he was physically close to me, and the gestures he made that pulled those happy strings inside of me. I can accept that because I have the ability to remember and to feel emotions It will be natural to feel a certain sadness, compassion, or worries. Because of my past experience both from what I have been through and have seen others go through I should not feel guilt for my concerns and my sadness.
Here I am, 2:10am, writing in my public journal. Telling whoever is willing to listen that I realize I am human and because of that I am able to feel sadness and compassion. Because I realize that I can close my eyes and begin to control these emotions, to concentrate on the sounds in the background, the nerve endings shooting from the tip of my toes to the tip of my fingers and out of my skull. I can begin to step outside and separate my body from my mind.