Gasping for air
Warning: explicit and gross fantasies indulged below -- skip over this if you're squeamish !
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So, it is now day 7 of this "bug," and I'm really tired of not being able to breathe ! Usually for me, colds come on gradually, progress through sore throat and sniffles, and end with a couple of days of gunk in the lungs, which clears out fairly quickly to close the story.
This time, gunk arrived on day 1.5, and just settled in -- gack !
Wadded-up Puffs with lotion fill every waste container in the house. I must be on box #20 …
So this apparatus I've wanted for some time keeps floating up in my mind - SCUMBA gear (Self-Contained Under Mucus Breathing Apparatus) !
The goal of SCUMBA gear is similar to SCUBA -- delivering good air to the oxygen-starved organism. Rather than forcing air IN through the mouthpiece, the SCUMBA mechanism operates by sucking the gunk OUT (preferably not through a mouthpiece -- one of the details that remains to be worked out …). Ideally, the vacuum pressure would gently but effectively clear all passages (and lungs) of the accursed phlegm, depositing the gunk in an appropriate stainless steel tank. Perhaps toxic waste sites could be equipped with pump-out facilities -- that way the tanks could be re-used, rather than encased in concrete and sunk offshore to form artificial reefs …
Envisioning offshore dumping makes me think of something less mechanical … like those amazing microbes that are unleashed after crude oil spills, gobbling-up the gunk and excreting some innocuous fluid in its place …. Hey there, biologists ! Couldn't a bit of gene-splicing create a version that would work on mucus ? A little puff up each nostril and the little critters swarm to their task, tunneling vigorously through all obstacles and leaving a discreet mint or citrus aroma in their path …
High-tech: Nano-technology robots ?
Low-tech: Easy-Off ? Liquid Plumber ?
Specialized DustBuster attachments ?
Things are getting desperate ….
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So, it is now day 7 of this "bug," and I'm really tired of not being able to breathe ! Usually for me, colds come on gradually, progress through sore throat and sniffles, and end with a couple of days of gunk in the lungs, which clears out fairly quickly to close the story.
This time, gunk arrived on day 1.5, and just settled in -- gack !
Wadded-up Puffs with lotion fill every waste container in the house. I must be on box #20 …
So this apparatus I've wanted for some time keeps floating up in my mind - SCUMBA gear (Self-Contained Under Mucus Breathing Apparatus) !
The goal of SCUMBA gear is similar to SCUBA -- delivering good air to the oxygen-starved organism. Rather than forcing air IN through the mouthpiece, the SCUMBA mechanism operates by sucking the gunk OUT (preferably not through a mouthpiece -- one of the details that remains to be worked out …). Ideally, the vacuum pressure would gently but effectively clear all passages (and lungs) of the accursed phlegm, depositing the gunk in an appropriate stainless steel tank. Perhaps toxic waste sites could be equipped with pump-out facilities -- that way the tanks could be re-used, rather than encased in concrete and sunk offshore to form artificial reefs …
Envisioning offshore dumping makes me think of something less mechanical … like those amazing microbes that are unleashed after crude oil spills, gobbling-up the gunk and excreting some innocuous fluid in its place …. Hey there, biologists ! Couldn't a bit of gene-splicing create a version that would work on mucus ? A little puff up each nostril and the little critters swarm to their task, tunneling vigorously through all obstacles and leaving a discreet mint or citrus aroma in their path …
High-tech: Nano-technology robots ?
Low-tech: Easy-Off ? Liquid Plumber ?
Specialized DustBuster attachments ?
Things are getting desperate ….