The Phlegmatic Review of the Year
Some of my favourite things from 2011. Also, some of my not-so-favourite things.
Warning: may contain sport. I know most people on my friends list don't really do sport, but…well tough. This is my review of the year. Also contains books, games, television and a whole host of other stuff.
I appreciate that many people will currently be doing various activities involving alcohol. I’m afraid I’ve never been into new year as a holiday or as a special event. You don’t get presents. There’s rarely anything special on the telly. And when I was little, my dad would probably be at work on New Year’s Eve. (You see he worked shifts and usually managed to swap shifts with some youngster who wanted to go out and get pissed on NYE but who didn’t mind working Christmas Day all that much.) And since I don’t drink, the whole going out and getting pissed doesn’t appeal either. I love Christmas, but New Year doesn’t mean much more to me than watching the year change on my digital watch. And I don’t even have one of those now.
Non-sport TV event of the Year
It has to be Game of Thrones. I mean, yes ok, there was the Royal Wedding, but GoT had one of those too. All of a sudden, normal people could appreciate what geeks see in fantasy. Sean Bean was noble, Peter Dinklage was cool and the sex scenes were somehow not quite as embarrassing to watch as they are to listen to on the audiobooks (Roy Dotrice struggles to do the orgasmic gruntings of teenage girls, but then he is almost 90). Since this seems to have been very successful and The Lord of the Rings was a very successful film series, I wonder if other fantasy books will move to the small or big screen. And if so, I wonder which ones. (If there are any TV producers out there, might I suggest Joe Abercrombie’s ‘Book of the First Law’ series…?)
New Book of the Year
Continuing the George R.R. Martin theme: ‘A Dance with Dragons’. I know some people were luke-warm on it, but I loved it. So many twists! No, that can’t be…it is! But isn’t he…? So who’s she…?
Old Book of the Year
I actually only read sequels this year. It was a sort of resolution - I find that I tend to start too many series and then by the time I get to the second or third books, it’s been so long since I read the first one that I forget what happened. So this award is for the book that I read for the first time this year but that has actually been around a while. Arthur C. Clarke’s ‘2010: Odyssey 2’ makes the shortlist, as does Michael Moorcock’s ‘Phoenix in Obsidian’ (although I was somewhat disappointed with his ‘The City in the Autumn Stars’). But I think the prize goes to Ursula le Guin for ‘The Other Wind’, the fifth in the Earthsea series. Bunn is the real le Guin fan in the house and I remain amazed when she tells me that apparently many fans don’t like Tehanu and The Other Wind anywhere near as much as the first three books. To me, although ‘The Farthest Shore’ (number 3) is good, the first book (‘A Wizard of Earthsea’) is pretty run-of-the-mill and the second (‘The Tombs of Atuan’) little more than a padded out short story. The fourth and fifth books seem much more clever and complex.
Best Reality TV Show Moment
I’m afraid I generally don’t get into reality TV or talent shows. And especially not programmes where minor celebrities have to do really unpleasant things like eating bugs or ballroom dancing. However, I do love The Apprentice, and most of my best moments this year came from the adult series (strangely, the kids were much more sensible and the right candidate - posh Zara - won). There was the time one team tried to buy a top hat in a dry cleaners' shop called ‘Top Hat Dry Cleaners’, the ‘emergency biscuit’ idea (from the eventual winner!) or the bizarre decision to name a Mexican restaurant after the capital of Venezuela. But especially deserving is the not-quite-modest-enough Melody Hossaini: “I’ve worked with 12 Nobel Prize winners in 110 countries, was trained by Al Gore, and personally taught by Desmond Tutu and the Dalai Lama”. She speaks six languages, which comes in handy “working at UN level”. “Aged 13, I set up one of the world’s most successful democratic bodies”.
Film of the Year
I don’t think I actually went to the cinema in 2011. My sofa is more comfortable and nearer, and the picture quality on my telly is better (especially if the film is in bloody 3D). Oh, and the food is nicer and cheaper. I enjoyed The Inbetweeners movie when I saw it on DVD though (an excellent Secret Santa present).
New Album of the Year
Bruce Hornsby, ‘Bride of the Noisemakers’. Some of you may remember singer-songwriter-pianist Bruce Hornsby from the late 80s when he had a couple of hit singles (‘The Way it Is’ and ‘The Valley Road’). Since then, he’s been writing and performing (occasionally with The Grateful Dead) and releasing occasional albums. Rather too many of those albums have been heavy on the dextrous piano playing and light on the catchy songs. But ‘Bride of the Noisemakers’, a live album with his current band, is a return to form in a big way. It’s a mixture of old favourites, improved versions of recent songs and new material.
Honourable mention to Stevie Nicks’s ‘In Your Dreams’ - her best solo album since, well since the last one.
Old Album of the Year
Rather like the ‘Old Book of the Year’, this is for an older album that I only bought this year. I’m going for ‘Lucky in Love: The Best of Rick Vito’. Rick Vito is the best blues / rock guitarist you’ve never heard of. If you have heard of him, I’m guessing you’re a fairly keen Fleetwood Mac fan since Vito was the band’s lead guitarist for a few years in the late 80s and early 90s. I saw the band live during that period and thought his playing was fantastic - rather more inspired by the likes of Peter Green than his predecessors, and that’s not a bad thing. For some reason, I hadn’t really clocked that he released several solo albums after he left Fleetwood Mac. That was definitely my loss. He’s now playing in Mick Fleetwood’s other band, ‘The Mick Fleetwood Blues Band’. His work for that band is great too.
Game of the Year
Tempting though it is to tick my default option and say ‘this year’s Football Manager’, I should try to consider some alternatives. I had a ton of games for Christmas (and I’ve bought more in the Steam sale), and it might be jumping the gun to give awards after only a few days’ play in total. Nevertheless, I’ve seen enough to be very impressed by Deus Ex: Human Revolution and by The Witcher 2. So far though the game of 2011 that looks genuinely bar-raising is Skyrim. This is what I built a superfast new PC for.
Oh, and honourable mention for Free Game of the Year: ‘King Arthur the Role-Playing Game’ which came free with a copy of PC Gamer. Despite the title, it’s rather like King Arthur: Total War.
Old Game of the Year
Empire: Total War. I’ve now played all of the Total War games. My interest in them seems to depend on how interested I am in the period of history each game covers. So for example, I played Alexander: Total War to death and was rather indifferent about Shogun and Shogun 2. I didn’t get E:TW when it came out because the 18th century isn’t a period that particularly interests me. However, I got it (with the companion game Napoleon: Total War) for Christmas, and I’ve been enjoying building up the British Empire in the last few days. I’m working to extend His Majesty’s influence in North America by taking the Iroquois’ land, I’ve established a foothold in India by conquering Ceylon and have somehow ended up in possession of Norway (a long story that started with Sweden disputing the claim to the throne of George I).
Best Sitcom
I don’t think that 2011 was a vintage year for sitcoms. There were some continuing stars like ‘Peep Show’, ‘Big Bang Theory’ and the (not-as-good-as-the-original-but-still-good-in-its-own-right) American version of ‘The Office’. ‘Friday Night Dinner’ with Tamsin Grieg playing the mother of Will from ‘The Inbetweeners’ was very traditional, but also very well done. The Gervais / Merchant vehicle for Warwick Davis, ‘Life’s Too Short’ had its moments. ‘Trollied’ was an unexpected highlight and definitely the second best show of the year to star Mark Addy. Also on Sky was ‘The Cafe’ - by no means hilarious, but beautifully low key, sweet and with a genuine affection for its characters. Its star and co-creator Michelle Terry deserves lots of plaudits.
Still, in many ways the best sitcom on TV right now is the one on Sunday evenings in which three ageing men laugh at each other’s jokes, pull off crazy stunts and offend people with no sense of humour. So my Best Sitcom of the Year is Top Gear - the new Last of the Summer Wine.
Which brings me to…
Television Hero of the Year
Jeremy Clarkson. Yes he’s a talented writer and he knows a lot about cars (even if he ain’t exactly a 911 fan), but he also does the country a valuable service. Without his straw man act to draw them out from their hidey-holes of indignation, we’d never be able to identify the wankers who should be first up against the wall when the revolution comes…
Honourable mention: Nick Hewer, Lord Sugar’s trusted advisor on The Apprentice. Now (bizarrely) the new host of ‘Countdown’.
Best Football Moment of the Year
England qualified for Euro 2012. United were simply breathtaking in humiliating Arsenal 8-2. Josep Guardiola is the most innovative football tactician since Rinus Michels’s ‘total football’ with Ajax in the 1970s. Michels was lucky to have Cruyff. Guardiola is equally lucky to have Lionel Messi at Barcelona. Messi is simply the best player I’ve seen. I never saw Pele play, or di Stefano or Puskas or Matthews, but I’d put Messi ahead of Maradona now, and nobody else is close in the last three decades.
Still, it has to be that 8-2 performance.
Worst Football Moment of the Year
How can the United team that beat Arsenal 8-2 be the same team that loses to Manchester City 6-1?
This is also the year that the corruption at the top of the game became obvious with the ludicrous decision to have Qatar host the World Cup (and the head of the Qatari FA subsequently banned for life for corruption).
Nevertheless, the worst football moment of the year was the suicide of Wales manager Gary Speed. According to the FIFA rankings, Wales was the most improved team in international football this year. That makes it even more of a shame, as does the fact that he seems to have been universally loved and respected by his peers. His widow, a WAG from before the time when that was a career in itself, used to work with my mum at the HSBC branch in Wrexham. Very sad.
Best American Football Moment of the Year
The Raiders still haven’t put together a ‘complete game’ this season, but there have been some highlights. Michael Bush’s beast of a game against San Diego, some of the pretty passes thrown by Carson Palmer to our young and fast wide receivers and Shane Lechler’s 80 yard punt spring to mind. But I’m actually going for Sebastian Janikowski’s record-equalling 63-yard field goal that proved to be the difference in beating Denver.
Worst American Football Moment of the Year
November 6th. Losing to Denver is bad enough. Losing to Tim ‘godboy’ Tebow is worse. This is irrational, but there is possibly nobody on this planet that I would rather see get painfully humiliated than Tim Tebow. He is not a good quarterback, but he’s very religious and the christian fundamentalist nutjobs that seem to make up so much of the Broncos’ support (and that of some other teams, although obviously not those of the devil-worshipping Raiders) have seen that the Broncos have started winning and are convinced that this is because they have a god on their side.
Best Cycling Moment of the Year
It’s obviously Mark Cavendish, but not for the Tour green jersey which he finally won this year, or for any of his stage wins. No, it’s for the World Championship. When I started watching cycling a quarter of a century ago, you’d be lucky to get one or two British cyclists with top teams and consequently we were very much a minor nation when it came to dishing out starting places in the Men’s World Championship Road Race. Now, not only do we qualify for the maximum quota, the riders that were picked this year could go to the front of the peloton with about a third of the race to go and dominate to such an extent that nobody could attack, setting it up perfectly for Cavendish as the world’s best sprinter.
Honourable mentions: Chris Froome and Bradley Wiggins, both of whom came really close to winning the Vuelta, which would have been the first ever British grand tour winner. (And Wiggins was a big part of the train that pulled Cav to victory in the World Championship.)
Other Noteworthy Sporting Moments of 2011
Rory McIlroy’s brilliant first three rounds at The Masters and of course his disastrous fourth. To come back from that and win the next major, the US Open, by eight shots, was a truly great sporting moment. If we’re talking about golf, then Darren Clarke’s Open win is also worth a mention. And Britain has the world’s best golfer too in Luke Donald, for whom a major win is surely inevitable.
I don’t always manage to watch the baseball World Series, but I’m glad I made the effort this year, especially for game 6. St Louis came back from a 9th inning deficit and a 10th inning deficit and scored in the 8th, 9th, 10th and 11th innings (both unique in World Series history). They were one strike away from losing the series. David Freese won the game with a lead-off home run in the bottom of the 11th to take the series to a deciding game 7, which St Louis won. Game 6 has been called “the greatest game in the history of baseball”.
In cricket, England are now unquestionably the best test side in the world. I’m 39 years old and I’ve never been able to say that before. Alastair Cook scored more than 1,500 runs in international cricket this year and averaged almost 90 in tests. Ian Bell’s average was even higher. Whitewashing India (previously number 1 in the world) is obviously great, but let’s be honest, the real cricket highlight for any England fan this year is winning the Ashes in Australia. Worst overall moment in sport this year? That I'm afraid has to be the Penn State affair.