hawai'i
This is something very loosely based on one of my favorite lines from a certain movie about san diego... but this one's about Hawai'i, which is where i am right now...
Hawai'i. A place that had been un-discovered by the western world until 1792, when Cristobal Columbus the 5th came to hawai'i in his 3 famous boats, candy, sapphire, and cinnamon, all named after his 3 favorite hookers, and raped and pilaged the island of Oahu. He named this land, islands of hot bitches in bikinis. This name translated into Hawai'i Five-o. However, the natives shorten the name to just Hawai'i. By 1801, all of Columbus's men had been murdered or caught syphilis and died and Hawai'i was once again undiscovered until 1982, when a fishing trip led by Johnny Unitas accidentily found the beautiful island of Lanai. All of his crew was murdered or caught syphilis, but he managed to survive. He became the king of Hawai'i and called Unitasville. However, when Ronald Reagan, the president at the time, found out about these 6 beautiful islands, he quickly came in and claimed the land for the United States and cut a deal with the real Hawai'ian king, Kahalapupukuanalanahi'i, and said that they could keep the name Hawai'i, but that Hawai'i would have to become a state, and then the Americans and other polynesian countries came in and built a bunch of hotels.
THE END
I came up with that whole thing at dinner last night. I have way to much free time on my hands right now, but I have school on monday. FUCK!
Hawai'i. A place that had been un-discovered by the western world until 1792, when Cristobal Columbus the 5th came to hawai'i in his 3 famous boats, candy, sapphire, and cinnamon, all named after his 3 favorite hookers, and raped and pilaged the island of Oahu. He named this land, islands of hot bitches in bikinis. This name translated into Hawai'i Five-o. However, the natives shorten the name to just Hawai'i. By 1801, all of Columbus's men had been murdered or caught syphilis and died and Hawai'i was once again undiscovered until 1982, when a fishing trip led by Johnny Unitas accidentily found the beautiful island of Lanai. All of his crew was murdered or caught syphilis, but he managed to survive. He became the king of Hawai'i and called Unitasville. However, when Ronald Reagan, the president at the time, found out about these 6 beautiful islands, he quickly came in and claimed the land for the United States and cut a deal with the real Hawai'ian king, Kahalapupukuanalanahi'i, and said that they could keep the name Hawai'i, but that Hawai'i would have to become a state, and then the Americans and other polynesian countries came in and built a bunch of hotels.
THE END
I came up with that whole thing at dinner last night. I have way to much free time on my hands right now, but I have school on monday. FUCK!