Sad realizations
I had to be talked down from calling her last night. That sounds like I was gonna do something really bad. I realized I had to think of her in the same terms as I think of Johnny: they were never really my friends. They never asked me about me; I always offered personal information. I was used for my abilities: car, friendliness and trust, child care. I was there to take care of them not be their friend.
I was Johnny's errand girl. I took him places, took Max to and from daycare or Talia's house, I let him borrow my car even though it was technically illegal for him to be driving without an interlock device.
I was Steph's shrink and nurse. I listened to her bitch about Adam, I watched her child, I took care of her when she was sick, took care of her daughter when Steph was sick, checked in on Adam when she asked me to, picked up her house when she was distraught. I was shrink, nurse, babysitter, confidante, housemaid, and cook. Friend wasn't in there. Ever. I was someone who made her life easier because I took the brunt of it for her, tried to make it easier for her. I was a body there so they didn't feel alone and I let it happen cause I thought I was being a good friend instead of an enabler.
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