married?
I spoke to my grandmother the other night. She's amazingly supportive, has been truly working on pronouns, calls me her grandson and is generally a wonderful woman. THAT SAID:
she hit me the other night with the following:
- when are you and erin going to get married?
- she's giving you a baby, when are you going to buy her a diamond?
- how do you introduce erin (and each other) to others. What word do you use.
I began to tell her erin wants nothing to do with marriage- she's a serious feminist and absolutely abhors the institution. I don't care either way if we are married or not. If some one made a compelling argument to me about how it would benefit me financially, I would do it but otherwise, I don't care. Gram wanted nothing to do with this explaination.
The I told her I would buy a diamond if she wanted one, but again- she does not. we wear rings we bought each other- bands that are not alike but suit us. again- gram was not amused.
Finally, I told her we use "partner" to introduce each other. We are comfortable with that and it fits us. No-Go. She wants us to use the word Finace. W-E-I-R-D!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I told her she could do that but if some one asks when The Big Day is I will have to lie or come clean that she's not really my fiance.
I really just never thought about the fact that living as a man, I all of a sudden would be expected to uphold all of these traditional roles the men in my family have (sort of). The addition of a baby to my transition has also prompted my family to challenge more then they would have if I had only transitioned.
I am queer- erin is queer. that won't change regardless of paperwork, facial hair, or babies. We are happy with who we are and who we have become and who we are becoming, but it seems my grandmother has a few ideas of her own about all of this change we've created.
wow.