uncontrollable...
Well i certainly hope that this is the beginning of something better and not the start of something worse. It's been a pretty good couple of days considering how bad the others have been. I'm still really tired but can't seem to sleep anymore, just toss and turn. It's hard to wait for something to happen... to wait for that one thing that will make everything better. I was even foiled by facebook of all things. I can't imagine getting betrayed by such an unlikely source but it happened. *sigh* I'm just so tired but trying so hard and not getting anything back but heartache and things i can't control completely fall apart. I'm sick of that, because i really can't do anything about it. I want some control. It's like life is just stringing me along to places i dont want to go or to places that just bring out more disasters. I need some more control over things and have tried to change the sequence of events and get knocked down at every opportunity. And i just missed out an opportunity, and continue to miss out, i dont know what it is. My indecisiveness maybe, i blame my shy and quiet nature... yeah... *sigh... this is stupid and is definitely out of hand. Ugh... none since my 19 b-day, i said i wouldnt again shed any but i think i'd feel better if i did. I've just got no more in me. I really am holding on to nothing, because there's just nothing to hold on to....