This or that?
As i lie awake with the internet as my only comfort i realize that im reaching yet another turning point in my life. What is this point in question? I need to change careers. Its sad yet oh soo true. My heart is not in it anymore. I cannot drone away infront of the computer no longer.
It is said; if you do what you love you will never work a day in your life. This not always the case. Ive been a graphic designer for 3 years now. I dont know if i have another 3 left in me. Being creative is what im best at but it was always been more of a past time for me. My creative integrety is being tested every day i step foot into that office. And for what? A paycheck? Now this past time is a means to survive? This use to be fun. Now its all being sucked away. I must be crazy. Most of my college friends dont even have jobs yet. I should be so lucky. But its not for me anymore. I dont want to be creative 48 hrs a week. I want to save it for myself, im selfish. Im jaded. This art game is ugly.
How can there be soo much ugliness in sometihng so beautiful?
So what do i do? I dont know. For some reason i cant sit still. Since ive moved form sac i have not been in a living situation for more than a year and a half. And ive been in la for almost 4 years. I need new. I need a new job. A new country. A new city. A new place. A new life. A new struggle.
I feel like ive been in this 3 year relationship and ive only been in it for so long because i got comfy and its easy. But now she wants to get married and now im not sure if shes right for me. We shouldnt break up but we should have some time apart. Cuz i love her but i want to see what else is out there. And now shes all crying and i feel bad and like a jerk for leaving... Yea kinda like that.
Well graphic design im leaving you. Some day. Its not you its me. We can still be friends ok?
I think i want to be a mechanic.
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