Nov 29, 2006 16:44
i haven't updated this thing in a long time. not that it matters, because i'm pretty sure no one is reading this anymore. but what the hell, i'm almost at absolute bottom with my life right now so i figured i'll post for nostagia's sake.
have you ever made a collection of decisions that seemed like great ideas when you made them but together they all came back to bite you in the ass later? that's my life right now. i did everything i thought would make me happy: i moved in with friends, i found out what i want to do with my life and started working towards that goal, i got a temporary job to help tide myself over. but it all fucking blows. i'm alone more in my new places than i was when i lived with my mom, plus i'm fucking broke from all the expenses i incur living on my own. everyone i talk to seems to talk me out of what i want to do with my life, claiming that casework and other jobs related to that through the state are just going to bring me down and are really depressing and all this other fucking BULLSHIT selfish people say. any job is hard, you deal with it. and my temporary job has only made me feel like i'm compromising everything i believe in. i feel like i'm going against all my convictions and morals. i hate retail, i hate corporations trying to steal people's money by convicing the customer to buy something they really have no good use for. not to mention, customers look down on me because i'm working this lowly job, and therefore they seem to think they can talk down to me. no fucking way, assholes. that's why i always make sure to throw in some word that i know they're not gonna understand so i sound smart and they look like the retards that they are.
i am so upset and angry and alone right now. all i want to do is move far away, like i originally wanted to but let everyone talk me out of. all i want to do is have fun and be around people, not alone and with all the crazy thoughts. fuck everyone. if this is how it has to be right now, then this is how i'm going to have to be. deal with it. i am.