(no subject)
i don't feel good right now. i came home from trivia and i just started crying. it's this whole graduating and leaving really nothing behind. you'd think it'd make things easier, but it's not. it's the whole i thought i had something here but i didn't. i had what i consider one of the saddest experiences ever with my own roommate today. she came home and sat for like 5 minutes talking to me, her boyfriend apparently used the shower while she cooked for him and then she ran off to eat with him in her bedroom with the door closed. it never used to be like this.
i don't have anyone to talk to. and i feel like i've been keeping this all in for so long and now that i'm slightly emotional about a big change in my life, it's all coming out.
i went to trivia with erich tonight, as a usual monday thing. but i couldn't shake the feeling that i didn't belong there. erich and bailey and lance all were talking about things i have no part in, things they do together and i'm not invited for. or things they're going to do together and i'm not invited to partake in. what do i have to say to any of that? i just sort of sat there quietly tonight, coughing up a lung for some reason, and opened my mouth when i knew a trivia answer. by the time i was stepping out of the car, thanking erich for the ride and the birthday card, i was already welling up with tears. so, of course, to calm me down i shoved another piece of cake into my mouth. comforting eating seems to be the law of the land these days. and now i'm blabbing to erich about how i feel like an outcast and how things are still weird and blah blah. i really wish i could keep my mouth shut. but i feel like i shouldn't, and i feel like if any of this meant anything to anyone then maybe they'd listen and say something.
all i do anymore is shove my face with food and drink from my bottle of cough medicine. and hope that maybe when i wake up tomorrow, everything is different.
i don't have anyone to talk to. and i feel like i've been keeping this all in for so long and now that i'm slightly emotional about a big change in my life, it's all coming out.
i went to trivia with erich tonight, as a usual monday thing. but i couldn't shake the feeling that i didn't belong there. erich and bailey and lance all were talking about things i have no part in, things they do together and i'm not invited for. or things they're going to do together and i'm not invited to partake in. what do i have to say to any of that? i just sort of sat there quietly tonight, coughing up a lung for some reason, and opened my mouth when i knew a trivia answer. by the time i was stepping out of the car, thanking erich for the ride and the birthday card, i was already welling up with tears. so, of course, to calm me down i shoved another piece of cake into my mouth. comforting eating seems to be the law of the land these days. and now i'm blabbing to erich about how i feel like an outcast and how things are still weird and blah blah. i really wish i could keep my mouth shut. but i feel like i shouldn't, and i feel like if any of this meant anything to anyone then maybe they'd listen and say something.
all i do anymore is shove my face with food and drink from my bottle of cough medicine. and hope that maybe when i wake up tomorrow, everything is different.