(no subject)
today was my last day at meadowbrook. even if i have to go back next summer, it doesn't matter. this means so much to me. it's been a lot easier there with the staff the way it was, and mostly just working saturdays with adam....but wow. that place has defined my existence for so long. not only defined, but straight up killed things i loved. i know it's selfish of me to blame it for the things that went wrong these past years, but it's irrevocably tied up in everything that's been wrong with me and with what i've been doing. it's just.....when i think of the things i lost in favor of this job that i hate, i want to shoot myself. jesus. people always say when it's a question of doing something you love or you hate, just go for it because you're never going to regret doing something you love. well damn it all to hell, i've been doing what i hate over anything i love for nearly three years, because i've felt guilty or needed to feel responsible. and now i can stop. it doesn't matter what i do next year, as long as i'm done for now. it was just amazing to be leaving. i got pushed in the pool, but it was ok. now i'm just sitting and listening to the new long winters and praying that i never fall in somewhere like that again. i feel like i've finally caught a lifeline. thank god it's done. the end.