Life Is Now, Do It Together: Buy a Phone for $450?
Something which really pisses me off is the in-vogue advertising angle of many cellphone companies here in the UK. And here, I will show you why you may soon feel the same.
In recent years, mobile phone companies have taken to using artfully vague taglines in order to promote their products and their 'values'. They do this for one reason: so you will buy their products, and only their products. Here are some of the offending statements:
Vodafone - Make the most of now.
T-Mobile - Life's For Sharing
Orange - Together We Can Do More
02 - We're Better, Connected
Look at these briefly, take them in, and think for a moment on your reaction. What these taglines have in common is the use of artfully vague language. To quickly define: such language is knowingly vague, so that the consumer fills in subjectively, automatically, what such words could mean. Without much concrete information to work from, we as readers of these sentences cannot help but fill in the blanks with experiences we have had, in order to understand what the sentences say. We buy into their bullshit, before we even realise it is bullshit, because we are momentarily paralysed into transposing our subjective experiences onto their presuppositions. When they say "We're Better, Connected", are they referring to the time when I looked that girl in the eye and said "you have something in your eye"? Life is such an intangible thing, that it's almost impossible not to share it, because what exactly are we sharing?
Such language also calls upon universally shared assumptions. Well of course we can do more together. It's hard to hold a relay race with one person. You get neither the relay, nor the race with just one person. The statements are so sweeping and vague as to be impossible to disagree with.
It may seem strange to be so against things which are impossible to disagree with, but that's exactly it. By having such language used so prominently, it is impossible to get an idea of what defines their products in areas like battery life, compatibility and hardiness. These are the things that matter to discerning consumers. You have no idea how each phone compares with others, and are left confused by the choices on offer, because they all give the same message. If I tried to sell you a car by saying "you love life, therefore you want this car", you'd be right to slap me one, and tell me to ease off the BS accelerator. But that is what these companies are doing. That is how they are promoting their products. We are left with little idea of what these cellphones are capable of by themselves, and how they stack up against other products in the market. The companies have every right to be proud of their products, but could they instead display this pride by boasting of the features and versatility offered by their products? Let us decide what makes a good phone based on the facts, not feeble philosophical statements.
You could then say to me as a riposte: well, you are able to find the details later. This "Life Is Better Now So Enjoy It Together" stuff is at worst harmless. But au contraire. On a personal level, what irritates me is how they have tied up "The Meaning Of Life" with their phone plans, and are trying to embed their phones so deeply into our culture as to become subconscious and even primal. In a nutshell, these companies want you to believe that they are completely on board with the psyche of the handheld camcorder + indie soundtrack film demographic: life is a series of moments, and that paper bag in American Beauty is ever so wonderful, isn't it? So full of magic. And should we not appreciate the beauty all around us, indeed take the reins of life itself, by purchasing a $300 telecommunications device with a 5 hour battery life?
Oh. Um.
I find it reprehensible that cellphone companies plug this angle, because it is exactly this sort of materialism that films like American Beauty warned against. The companies want to say to us: we've evolved, we're different now. Look, we have a video on user-friendly YouTube of people dancing! Like, spontaneously and everything (after they had rehearsed beforehand). We're so in tune with the stuff of life now, aren't we?
Please. To link something so complex, intangible and multilayered as life directly to a small bit of depletable technology is dishonest. They should know that life is much more than a subscription plan, a photo album or a Java Platform game.
This blog, interestingly, makes clear that attitudes in the US are rather different. To many cellphone owners in the US, a cellphone is renowned more for its functionality than its means of somehow communicating individuality. So for you Americans who have been left confused by my (I hope reasoned) ranting up to this point, I apologise. Think of it this way: the way cellphones are advertised here, they are the equivalent of a histrionic 14 year old's Myspace "About Me" section. Perhaps, according to this logic, my choice of phone 'says' or shows that I love daffodils, the feeling of rain on my skin in November, and the beauty of friendship. The network provider Orange have an execrable example of this. Last year, they released a stream of adverts, which each began with the tagline 'I Am'. So you have: I am who I am because of everyone.
I am my mate who never speaks and the one who won't shut up. I am my older sister and unfortunately my younger brother. I am all the girls I've kissed and all the ones I will.(1)
The philosophy underlying these vacuous pronouncements (and the artfully vague taglines listed above) follows thus: who we are is defined by human contact. Without that, we are nothing. Fine. It has been proven, through experience and painstaking research, that we are a social species, and need to socialise in order to survive and strive.
But, hang on. The 'who we are' question is much more complex than this advert would have us believe. Does our identity actually arise from human contact? Or does it derive from our memories, our experiences and conceptual understandings of things, events, people, time, space and causes? The answer is: both of these, and more. This advert claims otherwise, contrary to the considered opinion of neuroscientists, sociologists, philosophers, psychologists, anthropologists, even theologians. Basically, everybody who really gives a damn about consciousness. So the advert is lazy and misleading. Imagine if we could file against Orange for false advertising. They are falsifying the beliefs of everyone - because they want us to believe that we, as humans, are solely defined by who we know.*
BUZZ! Wrong. Instant suing by everyone of Orange for libel. As I have said, what composes us as beings of consciousness goes far beyond social contact, and certainly far beyond a 6 month subscription plan. Phone does not = identity. Phone = useful means of communication on-the-go. I am not buying into this pseudo-philosophic hokum, and I am confident that you will not either. Orange have a far better initiative, which is free tickets to the movie theatre on Wednesdays. Keep on that line, Orange; not this "I Am A Feather In New Ellen Page Existential Quandary Film" bullcrap.
And finally, what do these adverts tell us about the quality of your phone signal when you're stuck in a rainstorm in Nowheresville, USA? Or the strength of your battery when in tough geological conditions? Or their compatibility with software from companies other than their own? Little to nothing. So let's tell them to produce better quality hardware we know they are capable of, and tell them to end these ridiculously-pitched adverts. Because we're better, connected.
*Actually, this idea of "who you know (of) is all you'll ever be" sums up nicely the philosophy of celebrity gossip rags. Did you hear about her gastric bypass and did you know and ohmigod and somebody pass me a bucket so I can vomit out my vitriol.
In recent years, mobile phone companies have taken to using artfully vague taglines in order to promote their products and their 'values'. They do this for one reason: so you will buy their products, and only their products. Here are some of the offending statements:
Vodafone - Make the most of now.
T-Mobile - Life's For Sharing
Orange - Together We Can Do More
02 - We're Better, Connected
Look at these briefly, take them in, and think for a moment on your reaction. What these taglines have in common is the use of artfully vague language. To quickly define: such language is knowingly vague, so that the consumer fills in subjectively, automatically, what such words could mean. Without much concrete information to work from, we as readers of these sentences cannot help but fill in the blanks with experiences we have had, in order to understand what the sentences say. We buy into their bullshit, before we even realise it is bullshit, because we are momentarily paralysed into transposing our subjective experiences onto their presuppositions. When they say "We're Better, Connected", are they referring to the time when I looked that girl in the eye and said "you have something in your eye"? Life is such an intangible thing, that it's almost impossible not to share it, because what exactly are we sharing?
Such language also calls upon universally shared assumptions. Well of course we can do more together. It's hard to hold a relay race with one person. You get neither the relay, nor the race with just one person. The statements are so sweeping and vague as to be impossible to disagree with.
It may seem strange to be so against things which are impossible to disagree with, but that's exactly it. By having such language used so prominently, it is impossible to get an idea of what defines their products in areas like battery life, compatibility and hardiness. These are the things that matter to discerning consumers. You have no idea how each phone compares with others, and are left confused by the choices on offer, because they all give the same message. If I tried to sell you a car by saying "you love life, therefore you want this car", you'd be right to slap me one, and tell me to ease off the BS accelerator. But that is what these companies are doing. That is how they are promoting their products. We are left with little idea of what these cellphones are capable of by themselves, and how they stack up against other products in the market. The companies have every right to be proud of their products, but could they instead display this pride by boasting of the features and versatility offered by their products? Let us decide what makes a good phone based on the facts, not feeble philosophical statements.
You could then say to me as a riposte: well, you are able to find the details later. This "Life Is Better Now So Enjoy It Together" stuff is at worst harmless. But au contraire. On a personal level, what irritates me is how they have tied up "The Meaning Of Life" with their phone plans, and are trying to embed their phones so deeply into our culture as to become subconscious and even primal. In a nutshell, these companies want you to believe that they are completely on board with the psyche of the handheld camcorder + indie soundtrack film demographic: life is a series of moments, and that paper bag in American Beauty is ever so wonderful, isn't it? So full of magic. And should we not appreciate the beauty all around us, indeed take the reins of life itself, by purchasing a $300 telecommunications device with a 5 hour battery life?
Oh. Um.
I find it reprehensible that cellphone companies plug this angle, because it is exactly this sort of materialism that films like American Beauty warned against. The companies want to say to us: we've evolved, we're different now. Look, we have a video on user-friendly YouTube of people dancing! Like, spontaneously and everything (after they had rehearsed beforehand). We're so in tune with the stuff of life now, aren't we?
Please. To link something so complex, intangible and multilayered as life directly to a small bit of depletable technology is dishonest. They should know that life is much more than a subscription plan, a photo album or a Java Platform game.
This blog, interestingly, makes clear that attitudes in the US are rather different. To many cellphone owners in the US, a cellphone is renowned more for its functionality than its means of somehow communicating individuality. So for you Americans who have been left confused by my (I hope reasoned) ranting up to this point, I apologise. Think of it this way: the way cellphones are advertised here, they are the equivalent of a histrionic 14 year old's Myspace "About Me" section. Perhaps, according to this logic, my choice of phone 'says' or shows that I love daffodils, the feeling of rain on my skin in November, and the beauty of friendship. The network provider Orange have an execrable example of this. Last year, they released a stream of adverts, which each began with the tagline 'I Am'. So you have: I am who I am because of everyone.
I am my mate who never speaks and the one who won't shut up. I am my older sister and unfortunately my younger brother. I am all the girls I've kissed and all the ones I will.(1)
The philosophy underlying these vacuous pronouncements (and the artfully vague taglines listed above) follows thus: who we are is defined by human contact. Without that, we are nothing. Fine. It has been proven, through experience and painstaking research, that we are a social species, and need to socialise in order to survive and strive.
But, hang on. The 'who we are' question is much more complex than this advert would have us believe. Does our identity actually arise from human contact? Or does it derive from our memories, our experiences and conceptual understandings of things, events, people, time, space and causes? The answer is: both of these, and more. This advert claims otherwise, contrary to the considered opinion of neuroscientists, sociologists, philosophers, psychologists, anthropologists, even theologians. Basically, everybody who really gives a damn about consciousness. So the advert is lazy and misleading. Imagine if we could file against Orange for false advertising. They are falsifying the beliefs of everyone - because they want us to believe that we, as humans, are solely defined by who we know.*
BUZZ! Wrong. Instant suing by everyone of Orange for libel. As I have said, what composes us as beings of consciousness goes far beyond social contact, and certainly far beyond a 6 month subscription plan. Phone does not = identity. Phone = useful means of communication on-the-go. I am not buying into this pseudo-philosophic hokum, and I am confident that you will not either. Orange have a far better initiative, which is free tickets to the movie theatre on Wednesdays. Keep on that line, Orange; not this "I Am A Feather In New Ellen Page Existential Quandary Film" bullcrap.
And finally, what do these adverts tell us about the quality of your phone signal when you're stuck in a rainstorm in Nowheresville, USA? Or the strength of your battery when in tough geological conditions? Or their compatibility with software from companies other than their own? Little to nothing. So let's tell them to produce better quality hardware we know they are capable of, and tell them to end these ridiculously-pitched adverts. Because we're better, connected.
*Actually, this idea of "who you know (of) is all you'll ever be" sums up nicely the philosophy of celebrity gossip rags. Did you hear about her gastric bypass and did you know and ohmigod and somebody pass me a bucket so I can vomit out my vitriol.