Response to a Republican Divorce
I found this on a friend's Facebook and decided a response was in order. Although not my best, I just couldn't wait on this.
Dear American liberals, leftists, social progressives, socialists, Marxists and Obama supporters, et al:
We have stuck together since the late 1950's, but the whole of this latest election process has made me realize that I want a divorce. I know we tolerated each other for many years for the sake of future generations, but sadly, this relationship has run its course. Our two ideological sides of America cannot and will not ever agree on what is right so let's just end it on friendly terms. We can smile and chalk it up to irreconcilable differences and go our own way. Sounds good to me !
Here is a model separation agreement:
Our two groups can equitably divide up the country by landmass each taking a portion. That will be the difficult part, but I am sure our two sides can come to a friendly agreement. After that, it should be relatively easy! Our respective representatives can effortlessly divide other assets since both sides have such distinct and disparate tastes. You can take the entire South, seeing as how all the Civil War crybabies think so highly of it. I know what you’ll say: But the South has all the cotton. Fuck you, we can use hemp. It grows anywhere, lasts longer, and we are happy with it’s high. It may be of interest to you that the Red States have the highest rates of divorce and teen pregnancies. So much for your so-called Family Values.
We don't like redistributive taxes so you can keep them. You are welcome to the liberal judges and the ACLU. Since you hate guns and war, we'll take our firearms, the cops, the NRA and the military. You can keep Oprah, Michael Moore and Rosie O'Donnell (You are, however, responsible for finding a bio-diesel vehicle big enough to move all three of them). Fine, you keep all your money and deal with the problems all by yourself. Don’t expect any help from us, you overly greedy fucks. We’ll be happy to keep the ACLU which keeps you morons from overstepping your bounds by strip-searching a girl for Ibuprofen. NO, you can recruit your own cops, seeing as how you want sovereignty. The military belongs to everyone, so you have to share.
You can keep George Bush, Michael Savage, and the rest of the assholes whose heads are filled with mucus. (You will be responsible for keeping their venom from contaminating children.) I further suggest that if you like war, then you are the kind of people we don’t want anything to do with anyway. Adios, and don’t let the door of Darwin hit your overly fat ass on the way out.
We'll keep the capitalism, greedy corporations, pharmaceutical companies, Wal-Mart and Wall Street. You can have your beloved homeless, homeboys, hippies and illegal aliens. We'll keep the hot Alaskan hockey moms, greedy CEO's and rednecks. We'll keep the Bibles and give you NBC and Hollywood.
You can have Capitalism, seeing as it’s failed so many times. We’ll be more then happy to have Socialism, balanced classes, and other perks.
When the greedy corporations you love have taken all your money, we’ll point and laugh at you. The same with the Pharmaceutical companies. You can have Mall-Wart with its cheap crap ! You are welcome to Wall Street with it’s gigantic Ponzi Schemes and a system based on collective delusion. Let me explain that last one: You are trying to predict what something will be worth days or weeks from now.
And yet, you think psychics are phony ? Have fun in the collapse of your little empire. We’ll take the homeless, unless they’re YOUR homeless created by your unequal class and pay system. As for the Hot Alaskan hockey moms, rednecks, Bibles, and greedy CEO’s, you are getting the rotten deal but we’ll be happy to do that.
You can make nice with Iran and Palestine and we'll retain the right to invade and hammer places that threaten us. You can have the peaceniks and war protesters. When our allies or our way of life are under assault, we'll help provide them security. Agreed. Nothing is wrong with trying to make peace before bombing the shit out of them. It worked so well for Iraq and terrorists.
And as you love war so much, we’ll be only too happy to bomb you into the Stone Age if you piss us off.
We'll keep our Judeo-Christian values. What values are those ? You are welcome to Islam, Scientology, Humanism and Shirley McClain. You can also have the U.N.. but we will no longer be paying the bill. All acceptable. Unlike you, we believe in religious freedom like it says in the Constitution. I have no idea what document you’ll use in your improved U.S. Might I suggest the Bible with it’s plethora of contradictions and fairy tales ? It would be just like living in the movie, The Handmaids Tale, and we all know how wonderful that would be.
We'll keep the SUVs, pickup trucks and oversized luxury cars. You can take every Subaru station wagon you can find. Acceptable. You will be using Capitalism that uses supply and demand. That being said, as you are using more of a finite resource, you will pay higher prices for gas. Let us know when Texas runs out of oil and your prices go higher then Rush Limbaughs doses of Vicodin. We’ll be using solar, wind, ocean currents, electric cars, and everything else.
You can give everyone healthcare if you can find any practicing doctors. We'll continue to believe healthcare is a luxury and not a right. Well, aren’t WE focused on the health of the nation. When you’re up to your asses in diseased people don’t come to us for help. We'll keep The Battle Hymn of the Republic and the National Anthem. I'm sure you'll be happy to substitute Imagine, I'd Like to Teach the World to Sing, Kum Ba Ya or We Are the World. Agreed. Those songs you want us to have suck, so we’ll be using cool rock songs that all you fossilized fucks have outgrown. Go listen to some Simon and Garfunkel. We’ll keep the rock bands, good drugs, and decent movies. You can keep church music, folk, and country. Enjoy your rotten fruit/alcohol and cirrhosis of the liver.
We'll practice trickle down economics and you can give trickle up poverty your best shot. Since it often so offends you, we'll keep our history, our name and our flag.
Please practice trickle-down economics, as it will hasten your demise. We have been trying to find that money that has trickled down since the Eighties when Reagan was president. It still has not reached any one of us. If you find it, let us know where it was hiding.
Would you agree to this? If so, please pass it along to other like minded liberal and conservative patriots and if you do not agree, just hit delete. In the spirit of friendly parting, I'll bet you ANWAR which one of us will need whose help in 15 years.
Agreed. ANWAR when you lose and we get to burn down Wall Street and the Pharma companies.
Sincerely,
John J. Wall
Law Student and an American
P.S. Also, please take Barbara Streisand & Jane Fonda with you.
Sincerely,
Liberals of America.
P.S. You sound just like Archie Bunker. Please take Jewel & Britney Spears.
Dear American liberals, leftists, social progressives, socialists, Marxists and Obama supporters, et al:
We have stuck together since the late 1950's, but the whole of this latest election process has made me realize that I want a divorce. I know we tolerated each other for many years for the sake of future generations, but sadly, this relationship has run its course. Our two ideological sides of America cannot and will not ever agree on what is right so let's just end it on friendly terms. We can smile and chalk it up to irreconcilable differences and go our own way. Sounds good to me !
Here is a model separation agreement:
Our two groups can equitably divide up the country by landmass each taking a portion. That will be the difficult part, but I am sure our two sides can come to a friendly agreement. After that, it should be relatively easy! Our respective representatives can effortlessly divide other assets since both sides have such distinct and disparate tastes. You can take the entire South, seeing as how all the Civil War crybabies think so highly of it. I know what you’ll say: But the South has all the cotton. Fuck you, we can use hemp. It grows anywhere, lasts longer, and we are happy with it’s high. It may be of interest to you that the Red States have the highest rates of divorce and teen pregnancies. So much for your so-called Family Values.
We don't like redistributive taxes so you can keep them. You are welcome to the liberal judges and the ACLU. Since you hate guns and war, we'll take our firearms, the cops, the NRA and the military. You can keep Oprah, Michael Moore and Rosie O'Donnell (You are, however, responsible for finding a bio-diesel vehicle big enough to move all three of them). Fine, you keep all your money and deal with the problems all by yourself. Don’t expect any help from us, you overly greedy fucks. We’ll be happy to keep the ACLU which keeps you morons from overstepping your bounds by strip-searching a girl for Ibuprofen. NO, you can recruit your own cops, seeing as how you want sovereignty. The military belongs to everyone, so you have to share.
You can keep George Bush, Michael Savage, and the rest of the assholes whose heads are filled with mucus. (You will be responsible for keeping their venom from contaminating children.) I further suggest that if you like war, then you are the kind of people we don’t want anything to do with anyway. Adios, and don’t let the door of Darwin hit your overly fat ass on the way out.
We'll keep the capitalism, greedy corporations, pharmaceutical companies, Wal-Mart and Wall Street. You can have your beloved homeless, homeboys, hippies and illegal aliens. We'll keep the hot Alaskan hockey moms, greedy CEO's and rednecks. We'll keep the Bibles and give you NBC and Hollywood.
You can have Capitalism, seeing as it’s failed so many times. We’ll be more then happy to have Socialism, balanced classes, and other perks.
When the greedy corporations you love have taken all your money, we’ll point and laugh at you. The same with the Pharmaceutical companies. You can have Mall-Wart with its cheap crap ! You are welcome to Wall Street with it’s gigantic Ponzi Schemes and a system based on collective delusion. Let me explain that last one: You are trying to predict what something will be worth days or weeks from now.
And yet, you think psychics are phony ? Have fun in the collapse of your little empire. We’ll take the homeless, unless they’re YOUR homeless created by your unequal class and pay system. As for the Hot Alaskan hockey moms, rednecks, Bibles, and greedy CEO’s, you are getting the rotten deal but we’ll be happy to do that.
You can make nice with Iran and Palestine and we'll retain the right to invade and hammer places that threaten us. You can have the peaceniks and war protesters. When our allies or our way of life are under assault, we'll help provide them security. Agreed. Nothing is wrong with trying to make peace before bombing the shit out of them. It worked so well for Iraq and terrorists.
And as you love war so much, we’ll be only too happy to bomb you into the Stone Age if you piss us off.
We'll keep our Judeo-Christian values. What values are those ? You are welcome to Islam, Scientology, Humanism and Shirley McClain. You can also have the U.N.. but we will no longer be paying the bill. All acceptable. Unlike you, we believe in religious freedom like it says in the Constitution. I have no idea what document you’ll use in your improved U.S. Might I suggest the Bible with it’s plethora of contradictions and fairy tales ? It would be just like living in the movie, The Handmaids Tale, and we all know how wonderful that would be.
We'll keep the SUVs, pickup trucks and oversized luxury cars. You can take every Subaru station wagon you can find. Acceptable. You will be using Capitalism that uses supply and demand. That being said, as you are using more of a finite resource, you will pay higher prices for gas. Let us know when Texas runs out of oil and your prices go higher then Rush Limbaughs doses of Vicodin. We’ll be using solar, wind, ocean currents, electric cars, and everything else.
You can give everyone healthcare if you can find any practicing doctors. We'll continue to believe healthcare is a luxury and not a right. Well, aren’t WE focused on the health of the nation. When you’re up to your asses in diseased people don’t come to us for help. We'll keep The Battle Hymn of the Republic and the National Anthem. I'm sure you'll be happy to substitute Imagine, I'd Like to Teach the World to Sing, Kum Ba Ya or We Are the World. Agreed. Those songs you want us to have suck, so we’ll be using cool rock songs that all you fossilized fucks have outgrown. Go listen to some Simon and Garfunkel. We’ll keep the rock bands, good drugs, and decent movies. You can keep church music, folk, and country. Enjoy your rotten fruit/alcohol and cirrhosis of the liver.
We'll practice trickle down economics and you can give trickle up poverty your best shot. Since it often so offends you, we'll keep our history, our name and our flag.
Please practice trickle-down economics, as it will hasten your demise. We have been trying to find that money that has trickled down since the Eighties when Reagan was president. It still has not reached any one of us. If you find it, let us know where it was hiding.
Would you agree to this? If so, please pass it along to other like minded liberal and conservative patriots and if you do not agree, just hit delete. In the spirit of friendly parting, I'll bet you ANWAR which one of us will need whose help in 15 years.
Agreed. ANWAR when you lose and we get to burn down Wall Street and the Pharma companies.
Sincerely,
John J. Wall
Law Student and an American
P.S. Also, please take Barbara Streisand & Jane Fonda with you.
Sincerely,
Liberals of America.
P.S. You sound just like Archie Bunker. Please take Jewel & Britney Spears.