/emo sounding rant time
I have come to realize that I feel very... disconnected from the Real World™ around me. I feel like an outsider, I feel like I do not belong. It has reached the point where it is contributing strongly to my lack of drive and motivation in life and in general, and I'm very aware of this. I don't know how to fix it, and quite frankly, due to this disconnection that I feel, I don't know if I even want to.
I'm realizing that pretty much every place you can work at expects you to maintain an air of professionalism to occasionally ridiculous degrees, even for mundane minimum-wage jobs. I'm not saying that I go to work looking/acting like a hobo or a party animal, but sheesh. Some places need to lighten up. If I wanted to put on acts whenever I go to work, I'd be working at a goddamn theatre. The world just seems so coated with BS like this in general that it sometimes feels like everyone is used to it already and just accepts it to avoid drawing attention to themselves. I'm getting used to it, all right, but I'm definitely not doing a good job of just accepting it.
Today (yesterday) I had the "pleasure" of being dragged along with my mom to one of her "TGIF" events with her coworkers. I've already come to dread these things, because they tend to be filled with events like:
A) Mom getting drunk and making a fool out of herself
B) People trying to get me to drink (I will never drink, people; get over it)
C) Getting asked about my "personal" life or the conversation becoming rather raunchy in general (yes, I'm a guy; no, it's still awkward and I still don't want to hear/talk about it)
D) People saying I should get my driver's license already (I'm 25) so that I can drive my mom home when she's drunk (yeah, fk that, I hate driving and I'm sure as hell not going to learn to do it just to give my mom an excuse to get drunk more)
That's just a couple of my recent examples/incidents.
Is this something that a lot of other people go through, in their own varying degrees? Is this one of those "phases" that I'll look back on a decade from now and think about how silly/stupid I was?
There's just all these things that Do Not Make Sense to me, that just about everyone else views as absolutely normal. I don't understand it. Am I living in the goddamn Matrix, or something? Seriously, what the hell is going on? What the hell is wrong with me?
I mean, I'm not suicidal over this or anything, but I'm starting to feel like I was born in the wrong universe. And although I might be able to throw all this up on the internet and still get some people to sympathize with me and say that they feel or have felt similarly to how I do, that still doesn't change the fact how utterly alone I feel whenever I step away from this computer.
I'm realizing that pretty much every place you can work at expects you to maintain an air of professionalism to occasionally ridiculous degrees, even for mundane minimum-wage jobs. I'm not saying that I go to work looking/acting like a hobo or a party animal, but sheesh. Some places need to lighten up. If I wanted to put on acts whenever I go to work, I'd be working at a goddamn theatre. The world just seems so coated with BS like this in general that it sometimes feels like everyone is used to it already and just accepts it to avoid drawing attention to themselves. I'm getting used to it, all right, but I'm definitely not doing a good job of just accepting it.
Today (yesterday) I had the "pleasure" of being dragged along with my mom to one of her "TGIF" events with her coworkers. I've already come to dread these things, because they tend to be filled with events like:
A) Mom getting drunk and making a fool out of herself
B) People trying to get me to drink (I will never drink, people; get over it)
C) Getting asked about my "personal" life or the conversation becoming rather raunchy in general (yes, I'm a guy; no, it's still awkward and I still don't want to hear/talk about it)
D) People saying I should get my driver's license already (I'm 25) so that I can drive my mom home when she's drunk (yeah, fk that, I hate driving and I'm sure as hell not going to learn to do it just to give my mom an excuse to get drunk more)
That's just a couple of my recent examples/incidents.
Is this something that a lot of other people go through, in their own varying degrees? Is this one of those "phases" that I'll look back on a decade from now and think about how silly/stupid I was?
There's just all these things that Do Not Make Sense to me, that just about everyone else views as absolutely normal. I don't understand it. Am I living in the goddamn Matrix, or something? Seriously, what the hell is going on? What the hell is wrong with me?
I mean, I'm not suicidal over this or anything, but I'm starting to feel like I was born in the wrong universe. And although I might be able to throw all this up on the internet and still get some people to sympathize with me and say that they feel or have felt similarly to how I do, that still doesn't change the fact how utterly alone I feel whenever I step away from this computer.