(no subject)
Honestly? I'm tired of not posting much because of my lack of ability to really critically examine myself.
This is a letter I wrote to an old friend who very recently has become a hardcore Christian. This was a sudden and surprising change for me and a lot of other friends, and dealing with it has been interesting. I know there are a couple solid Christians on my friends list, so maybe some of you have some insight as well?:
I'm friends with a lot of Christians, and, as you surely know, my mom is the most devout and amazing Christian I know, and I have unending respect for her. I have zero tolerance, though, for those who have zero tolerance -- my mother, for example, is a complete Christian and raised us to be that way, but she also accepted and allowed the fact that all of her children need to choose and decide our own paths, even if they aren't paths she agrees with or would choose herself. I know far too many people who would call that bad parenting when in truth it's the exact opposite, the closest to perfect parenting that you can get.
I'll admit that I was relieved to read your letter, to see that you still accept ambiguities in life, that you're not quite an absolutist. That would be too great of a change in you for me to comprehend. It would be difficult to accept at face value.
Something else is bothering me though, and it's probably better for me to be straight-forward about it with you than let it fester underneath and bother me. It's your Facebook. Yes, I realize it's ludicrous to allow anything on Facebook to bother me, but humor me for a few moments. Since taking this admittedly surprising turn in your life, you have changed your Facebook profile several times, but the bottom line of all these changes is this: you've gotten rid of everything about you and replaced it with religious material. The changes in your Facebook profile (if they can be taken in any way seriously) suggest that you are no longer interested in anything except Christianity. Your previous loves -- music, movies, literature, philosophy, gaming -- are nowhere to be found. I could see how you may rightly consider your Christianity to be much more important than any of these other hobbies/interests, but if you do momentarily look at it from the perspective of your friends, I think you'd understand how this can be startling, scary even. The quotes you used to have up ("I am nothing without God") coupled with the disappearance of your interests so strongly suggested a refusal of identity, that I was honestly terrified that you'd joined a cult. Obviously that's not the case, but that doesn't stop my discomfort and worry.
I guess your current entry may explain things better, especially the last paragraph:
"So My child, I think it's time for you to let go of the past and start living the life that I have given you. Amen."
You may consider this letting go of the past to include letting go of previous things you loved -- bands and books and whatever else. I can't really criticize you for that -- it's your choice -- but then the fear I have becomes something entirely different. To what extent does letting go of your past include letting go of your friends as well? Our lack of communication in the last few months (although also VERY strongly due to myself for varying reasons) might suggest an answer I do not want to hear. And if you write back to this reassuring me that our friendship is fine, that you're still interested in hanging out and talking to me, how certain can I be that the main point of that is not just to try and be a Christian example, to try and push your new ideals on me moreso than because you actually love me or want to be my friend. If you can drop your previous self so quickly, why shouldn't I just assume that you can drop me even faster?
I apologize for all of this. A lot of it, I'm sure, you'll read as overly dramatic. I hope you'll treat it fairly though. My worries, my fears, my critiques, all of it could be very off. All of it could be very much due to a lack of understanding. But that's why I need to send this, as stupid as it will all probably read to you. Because I want to understand, and I don't want to be afraid of losing my friendship with one of the people I was closest to, respected the most. I can't stand the idea of losing someone I love.
Do me one favor, though. If you read this, and you think about it, and in all honesty, deep down, you really aren't interested in keeping me as a friend, you really don't think we have enough in common any more or whatever the case may be. If you reach that conclusion, don't lead me on just to be nice, just to be a good person. Drop me and, honestly, don't even reply to this. It will just be easier that way.
This is a letter I wrote to an old friend who very recently has become a hardcore Christian. This was a sudden and surprising change for me and a lot of other friends, and dealing with it has been interesting. I know there are a couple solid Christians on my friends list, so maybe some of you have some insight as well?:
I'm friends with a lot of Christians, and, as you surely know, my mom is the most devout and amazing Christian I know, and I have unending respect for her. I have zero tolerance, though, for those who have zero tolerance -- my mother, for example, is a complete Christian and raised us to be that way, but she also accepted and allowed the fact that all of her children need to choose and decide our own paths, even if they aren't paths she agrees with or would choose herself. I know far too many people who would call that bad parenting when in truth it's the exact opposite, the closest to perfect parenting that you can get.
I'll admit that I was relieved to read your letter, to see that you still accept ambiguities in life, that you're not quite an absolutist. That would be too great of a change in you for me to comprehend. It would be difficult to accept at face value.
Something else is bothering me though, and it's probably better for me to be straight-forward about it with you than let it fester underneath and bother me. It's your Facebook. Yes, I realize it's ludicrous to allow anything on Facebook to bother me, but humor me for a few moments. Since taking this admittedly surprising turn in your life, you have changed your Facebook profile several times, but the bottom line of all these changes is this: you've gotten rid of everything about you and replaced it with religious material. The changes in your Facebook profile (if they can be taken in any way seriously) suggest that you are no longer interested in anything except Christianity. Your previous loves -- music, movies, literature, philosophy, gaming -- are nowhere to be found. I could see how you may rightly consider your Christianity to be much more important than any of these other hobbies/interests, but if you do momentarily look at it from the perspective of your friends, I think you'd understand how this can be startling, scary even. The quotes you used to have up ("I am nothing without God") coupled with the disappearance of your interests so strongly suggested a refusal of identity, that I was honestly terrified that you'd joined a cult. Obviously that's not the case, but that doesn't stop my discomfort and worry.
I guess your current entry may explain things better, especially the last paragraph:
"So My child, I think it's time for you to let go of the past and start living the life that I have given you. Amen."
You may consider this letting go of the past to include letting go of previous things you loved -- bands and books and whatever else. I can't really criticize you for that -- it's your choice -- but then the fear I have becomes something entirely different. To what extent does letting go of your past include letting go of your friends as well? Our lack of communication in the last few months (although also VERY strongly due to myself for varying reasons) might suggest an answer I do not want to hear. And if you write back to this reassuring me that our friendship is fine, that you're still interested in hanging out and talking to me, how certain can I be that the main point of that is not just to try and be a Christian example, to try and push your new ideals on me moreso than because you actually love me or want to be my friend. If you can drop your previous self so quickly, why shouldn't I just assume that you can drop me even faster?
I apologize for all of this. A lot of it, I'm sure, you'll read as overly dramatic. I hope you'll treat it fairly though. My worries, my fears, my critiques, all of it could be very off. All of it could be very much due to a lack of understanding. But that's why I need to send this, as stupid as it will all probably read to you. Because I want to understand, and I don't want to be afraid of losing my friendship with one of the people I was closest to, respected the most. I can't stand the idea of losing someone I love.
Do me one favor, though. If you read this, and you think about it, and in all honesty, deep down, you really aren't interested in keeping me as a friend, you really don't think we have enough in common any more or whatever the case may be. If you reach that conclusion, don't lead me on just to be nice, just to be a good person. Drop me and, honestly, don't even reply to this. It will just be easier that way.