it's early...
...nearly 5am infact. i'm sat on the kitchen roof. the dim light of dawn is beginning to creep into the sky. the slow melodic tones of a piano are all i can hear through the enormous headphones engulfing my ears. a cigarette sits neatly between my fingers, making typing ever so slightly more difficult. ash falls onto the keyboard every now and then, and i blow it into the cool wind. i like it up here. i can see over the train tracks, all the way to the hospital. nobody to bother me. nobody to tell me, in that patronising way, that 'everything is going to be alright'. it probably will be alright, but i can't see it for myself. you creep into my mind, and refuse to leave. i try to run, think about other things, but my memories follow me everywhere. haunting me. i can see you with him, and althought you're doing nothing wrong, it kills me. it could never be as bad as my imagination makes it, but i can't escape it.
i've tried to forget. to forget the girl who broke my heart. but i can't. i have half a bottle of tequilla, but all it does is help me sleep. the battery tells me i've got 18 minutes until it leaves me. it's nice to have a warning. you left me a different person. unable to get close to anyone. unable to trust. i feel stupid. stupid for believing you. it's almost as though i tell myself i did this to myself by getting too close. i wont let it happen again.
the black sky has turned to grey, and i can start to make out the people walking along the lisburn road. it seems early for people to be out and about. plan's for tomorrow will have to be posponed until i've got some sleep. if i sleep. i can't remember the last time i slept well. not sober at least. the alcohol doesn't help. if anything i feel worse. i should stop, but i don't want to. at least after a drink its easier to pretend i'm happier.
my eyes are starting to close. looks like i will sleep after all. time to climb back through the skylight and into bed. my big, empty bed. i hate myself for this. forgetting shouldn't be this hard.
i've tried to forget. to forget the girl who broke my heart. but i can't. i have half a bottle of tequilla, but all it does is help me sleep. the battery tells me i've got 18 minutes until it leaves me. it's nice to have a warning. you left me a different person. unable to get close to anyone. unable to trust. i feel stupid. stupid for believing you. it's almost as though i tell myself i did this to myself by getting too close. i wont let it happen again.
the black sky has turned to grey, and i can start to make out the people walking along the lisburn road. it seems early for people to be out and about. plan's for tomorrow will have to be posponed until i've got some sleep. if i sleep. i can't remember the last time i slept well. not sober at least. the alcohol doesn't help. if anything i feel worse. i should stop, but i don't want to. at least after a drink its easier to pretend i'm happier.
my eyes are starting to close. looks like i will sleep after all. time to climb back through the skylight and into bed. my big, empty bed. i hate myself for this. forgetting shouldn't be this hard.