(no subject)
Wow I really didn't know I could be in so many moods in one day, even some at the same time. I'm confused, I had cramps, I'm sunburned, I feel very loved by most people, unloved by a few, lonely for Tim or Zach or Derek, sad about Nate, disappointed by some special people who left the showing early, one in particular who already blew me off today, I think I might be pretty and hear that from a lot of people but I feel unattractive, I don't know what type of relationship I want to have with a lot of people, I want to tie up loose ends at school but problems seem to be beginning instead of ending, I haven't heard from Zach about prom which makes me upset but I don't want to be upset with him.....I want to leave high school RIGHT NOW but I'm scared to start living a life where I have to decide what to do myself instead of having people schedule my life for me. I want to be in love RIGHT NOW but I don't see anyone in my life who I could fall in love with. I'm trying to be less materialistic but I'm having serious urges to go shopping and I want all these new things for prom, including frivolous things like getting my nails done and making a hair appointment instead of having a friend do it...JESUS can school please end RIGHT NOW PLEASE PLEASE?! If school were done then almost every single one of these things would be a moot point. And I'm so excited to graduate so that all of these pretend issues that don't actually matter can STOP PRETENDING TO MATTER and I can get on with my life! Summer is my favorite time of year, I find it very hard to be totally unhappy when it's warm and the sun is shining (which is partly why everything is so confusing right now, because i have all these bad emotions but its still sunny so my body won't entirely accept them) and all the responsibilities you have are REAL responsibilities like going to work and spending time with your friends and having time to rejuvenate yourself and sleeping and maybe even starting a career in something you're passionate about instead of doing mindless busywork that will never ever help you unless you're starting a career in mindless busywork. Whoa that sentence was reeeeaaaaallllyyy long. And there's this amazing concept during the summer. If you want to see someone, you'll make plans with them. If you don't want to see them, you DON'T. It's quite amazing, like you AREN'T FORCED TO GET ALONG WITH PEOPLE YOU DON'T GET ALONG WITH. And you don't have to go through halls full of really stupid people who stop directly in front of you and shriek loudly in your ears about the sex they had with their best friend's boyfriend and the cute top they were wearing beforehand. (That was a random tangent that I thought was necessary. Apparently it wasn't) Ok I think that's enough ranting, as we know, my ranting seems to get me in trouble if it is overheard. But that's another tangent we won't continue.