#2
Yay Chorus Line rejected me too. Well, they cast me as "chorus members and understudies" along with 6 other people. $400 for 7 weeks of being in two minutes of the show may just not be good enough. There are other things I could be doing, places that actually need me, like working on Brendan's movie, or working and making money, or in another musical. Except that if I can't get into a musical where my strongest suit, dancing, is the most prominent, why would I get into a musical without it?
So that would be two rejections down, one to go. Since I know the answer already for this one, it would help if he wouldn't keep being so goddamn nice. He was so fucking sweet when I told him about Chapman, and I'm sitting there going, Ok lets NOT cry in front of him, shall we? And then right when I think he's done with his "I'm really sorry, that sucks really bad, they're dumb, etc." and he's gone quiet for a bit, he looks into my eyes and says "I'm so sorry, Sophia" and I don't even know what to do, I'm so upset about Chapman and enthralled by how much he seems to care and frustrated by how much my imagination inflates things and confused by my whole fucking life. I think I probably should have spontaneously combusted right then except that I had all those uncried tears inside me so it was too wet.
Its like I need to fall in deeper and deeper so I have no way of climbing out. This hole seems to be becoming a bottomless pit of despair and hopelessness. That's exactly where I've always wanted to live: in a pit full of despair and hopelessness, that's bottomless.
I wish I could wait to tell Derek so I didn't have all this rejection in a clump, but I know I have to do it now. Because I need as much time as possible to get over him, plus if on the offchance anything did happen, now there's no way we'll be going to college together so we'd only have like 5 months to have a relationship. Of course I shouldn't even think that way because its so freaking impossible that its only gonna make it hurt more when he turns me down.
So that would be two rejections down, one to go. Since I know the answer already for this one, it would help if he wouldn't keep being so goddamn nice. He was so fucking sweet when I told him about Chapman, and I'm sitting there going, Ok lets NOT cry in front of him, shall we? And then right when I think he's done with his "I'm really sorry, that sucks really bad, they're dumb, etc." and he's gone quiet for a bit, he looks into my eyes and says "I'm so sorry, Sophia" and I don't even know what to do, I'm so upset about Chapman and enthralled by how much he seems to care and frustrated by how much my imagination inflates things and confused by my whole fucking life. I think I probably should have spontaneously combusted right then except that I had all those uncried tears inside me so it was too wet.
Its like I need to fall in deeper and deeper so I have no way of climbing out. This hole seems to be becoming a bottomless pit of despair and hopelessness. That's exactly where I've always wanted to live: in a pit full of despair and hopelessness, that's bottomless.
I wish I could wait to tell Derek so I didn't have all this rejection in a clump, but I know I have to do it now. Because I need as much time as possible to get over him, plus if on the offchance anything did happen, now there's no way we'll be going to college together so we'd only have like 5 months to have a relationship. Of course I shouldn't even think that way because its so freaking impossible that its only gonna make it hurt more when he turns me down.