This is just ridiculous
Today at work my team leader told me off for being too aggressive.
She said 'you may have picked this up from other people in the team but sometimes in meetings you come across as aggressive' and it was to do with the way I said things or phrased questions and that I should try and be like one of my other co-workers (the one she has raised up on this massive pedestal, the one she favours about everyone else).
AND this comment (about my aggression) went into my performance review, under the 'interpersonal savvy' bit.
I was... so shocked. I AM so shocked but also I am not entirely surprised. Because this team leader, she isn't in control of people, and she desperately wants to be. She's very easily threatened. She gets upset if anyone even talks about projects or ideas without asking her about them first. If I had an idea about something cool we could do, and mentioned it to other colleagues so test the water first, she would consider that going behind her back and would have words with me for it (this has happened before, twice that I know of, though not to me.)
If people aren't smiling and cooperative all the time, then she thinks they are against her, and takes it personally. She talks about people's faults to other people in her team and acts as if she's letting you in on something confidential. Someone overheard her on the phone the other day talking to someone higher up the library hierarchy and she said something about there being "differing levels of intelligence" in her team.
Anyway, she's trying desperately to hold onto the power she has by being in charge, and anyone who tries to disrupt that power must be stopped! And now that includes me, for being too aggressive. For asking questions that make her look bad in front of higher-up bosses - questions like "when is this happening/what are we doing this week/has this happened/why didn't I know this?" Although I can't give specific "inappropriate" questions I asked because neither could she. It was all about my "tone" and my "phrasing" and the fact that I am not being a happy little worker who doesn't question things and asks 'how high' when she says jump instead of asking 'why?'
No one has ever called me aggressive in my life. It's always been the opposite, even. People have said I need to speak up more, I need to show more self confidence, that sort of thing.
Aggressive, though? Really?! I know I can come across all RARH in this blog but that's because I can't see who I'm talking to. Face to face, it's totally different, especially at work. I'm polite, I'm friendly, I try really hard to keep everyone happy. I hate upsetting people, even people I don't like! Especially people I work with, because I want to be professional.
And luckily, I haven't signed off my performance review. I was going to because I just wanted it to go away, but it hadn't printed out right and the bit you sign wasn't there. And now I've had more time to think about it, I'm actually going to talk to my manager first, because it sounds like the 'aggression' thing is more of a personal opinion than anything else, and I don't think that's appropriate, and I want to know what he thinks before I sign anything.
I also asked my other workmates about it, when she wasn't there. I said that I wanted to apologise if I'd ever come across as aggressive in any of the meetings, and that the last thing I wanted to do was make them feel uncomfortable, and you should have seen their jaws drop! So it made me feel a lot better (I was almost on the verge of tears because I'm not good at being told off) and all three of them said that I'd never come across that way to them and not to take it personally.
So anyway, I'm going to make a kickarse stirfry now, and lie around watching Star Trek, and it's going to be glorious.
She said 'you may have picked this up from other people in the team but sometimes in meetings you come across as aggressive' and it was to do with the way I said things or phrased questions and that I should try and be like one of my other co-workers (the one she has raised up on this massive pedestal, the one she favours about everyone else).
AND this comment (about my aggression) went into my performance review, under the 'interpersonal savvy' bit.
I was... so shocked. I AM so shocked but also I am not entirely surprised. Because this team leader, she isn't in control of people, and she desperately wants to be. She's very easily threatened. She gets upset if anyone even talks about projects or ideas without asking her about them first. If I had an idea about something cool we could do, and mentioned it to other colleagues so test the water first, she would consider that going behind her back and would have words with me for it (this has happened before, twice that I know of, though not to me.)
If people aren't smiling and cooperative all the time, then she thinks they are against her, and takes it personally. She talks about people's faults to other people in her team and acts as if she's letting you in on something confidential. Someone overheard her on the phone the other day talking to someone higher up the library hierarchy and she said something about there being "differing levels of intelligence" in her team.
Anyway, she's trying desperately to hold onto the power she has by being in charge, and anyone who tries to disrupt that power must be stopped! And now that includes me, for being too aggressive. For asking questions that make her look bad in front of higher-up bosses - questions like "when is this happening/what are we doing this week/has this happened/why didn't I know this?" Although I can't give specific "inappropriate" questions I asked because neither could she. It was all about my "tone" and my "phrasing" and the fact that I am not being a happy little worker who doesn't question things and asks 'how high' when she says jump instead of asking 'why?'
No one has ever called me aggressive in my life. It's always been the opposite, even. People have said I need to speak up more, I need to show more self confidence, that sort of thing.
Aggressive, though? Really?! I know I can come across all RARH in this blog but that's because I can't see who I'm talking to. Face to face, it's totally different, especially at work. I'm polite, I'm friendly, I try really hard to keep everyone happy. I hate upsetting people, even people I don't like! Especially people I work with, because I want to be professional.
And luckily, I haven't signed off my performance review. I was going to because I just wanted it to go away, but it hadn't printed out right and the bit you sign wasn't there. And now I've had more time to think about it, I'm actually going to talk to my manager first, because it sounds like the 'aggression' thing is more of a personal opinion than anything else, and I don't think that's appropriate, and I want to know what he thinks before I sign anything.
I also asked my other workmates about it, when she wasn't there. I said that I wanted to apologise if I'd ever come across as aggressive in any of the meetings, and that the last thing I wanted to do was make them feel uncomfortable, and you should have seen their jaws drop! So it made me feel a lot better (I was almost on the verge of tears because I'm not good at being told off) and all three of them said that I'd never come across that way to them and not to take it personally.
So anyway, I'm going to make a kickarse stirfry now, and lie around watching Star Trek, and it's going to be glorious.