The scary voices inside my head
I don't clearly remember the last time my head wasn't a mess from some source of drama. Be it my own issues or otherwise.
Despite always bringing up the point that i don't have good enough time management skills for myself, let alone to organize other peoples' time, I've somehow ended up being a programming lead for a feature team which has been leaving me rather stressed as of late. Note here, that I have nothing of value outside of work anymore and this place is where i typically escape the stress that is my life. I'm not sure I can meet the expectations that have been imposed. Honestly, I don't know if I even care if i do a good job of this.
Since I was a child, this was the job I wanted to do. Getting to this point meant separating myself from everyone I cared about and loved. For those who have never experienced it, separation anxiety is quite painful. I could have moved back to Sydney a long, long time ago when it might have made a difference. Why didn't I? I didn't want to look like a failure who couldn't hack it. Guess what? I clearly can't, why i am i still here though? Probably because I do actually enjoy what i do, and I'm able to afford whatever i want. The people i work with are cool. For all of its stresses, it is a great job.
I realize it probably sounds exactly like the same shit that I've posted before. Its probably pretty damn close.
How about something different for a change?
Recently found out that my father had a suicidal episode a few months ago. To be expected my mother started freaking out, because she has no idea what it means to be in physical and mental pain for such a long time. Now she seems to be more paranoid about me than ever. Hmm, look at that, i just subconsciously put work before my own family.
Something else new, i'm not sure what to think of:
Serena decided to talk to me again for the first time since she asked for some space before new years. I don't know whats going through her head on that one. I can't see myself going down that road again with her.
Something positive?
The would be just hearing your voice again for the first time in almost a year ^_^
I really wish i had more to put in this column. I'm not being pessimistic here - i really have nothing else.
Blah i really should focus on work right now.
Despite always bringing up the point that i don't have good enough time management skills for myself, let alone to organize other peoples' time, I've somehow ended up being a programming lead for a feature team which has been leaving me rather stressed as of late. Note here, that I have nothing of value outside of work anymore and this place is where i typically escape the stress that is my life. I'm not sure I can meet the expectations that have been imposed. Honestly, I don't know if I even care if i do a good job of this.
Since I was a child, this was the job I wanted to do. Getting to this point meant separating myself from everyone I cared about and loved. For those who have never experienced it, separation anxiety is quite painful. I could have moved back to Sydney a long, long time ago when it might have made a difference. Why didn't I? I didn't want to look like a failure who couldn't hack it. Guess what? I clearly can't, why i am i still here though? Probably because I do actually enjoy what i do, and I'm able to afford whatever i want. The people i work with are cool. For all of its stresses, it is a great job.
I realize it probably sounds exactly like the same shit that I've posted before. Its probably pretty damn close.
How about something different for a change?
Recently found out that my father had a suicidal episode a few months ago. To be expected my mother started freaking out, because she has no idea what it means to be in physical and mental pain for such a long time. Now she seems to be more paranoid about me than ever. Hmm, look at that, i just subconsciously put work before my own family.
Something else new, i'm not sure what to think of:
Serena decided to talk to me again for the first time since she asked for some space before new years. I don't know whats going through her head on that one. I can't see myself going down that road again with her.
Something positive?
The would be just hearing your voice again for the first time in almost a year ^_^
I really wish i had more to put in this column. I'm not being pessimistic here - i really have nothing else.
Blah i really should focus on work right now.