regrets
At various points during almost every day, I wish that I could just wipe the last two years away and start again from age sixteen. Then, I felt like I had everything going for me. I was smart and passionate, I had plenty of friends and I felt like I was making new ones every day. I would sacrifice every great laugh, every great moment that I have had since then, for one ounce of self worth. I am not intelligent, and am made to feel stupid and unorganized, a person who "had potential but squandered it," every day by my parents, classmates and teachers. I do not deserve to get into a good college. I do not deserve the friendships that I have, even though they are hollow and based on little besides convenience and adhering to preset social standards. I know that I am a spoiled brat. I won't pretend that the issues that I have been dealing with over the last two years are in any way significant. My emotional instability is completely unjustified. I am a lazy human being who is plagued by self doubt. When Nietzche asked "Is psychology...a vice?" something clicked in me. I have no abusive parents. I am not a child of divorce. There's no concrete reason I should be feeling this way. Ok I guess I'll stop whining and get back to work.