A Concert, A Car Accident, and plenty of instability
Everything is just so...awkward right now. I don't really know what to do.
Ben Folds (or what we saw of him after the long debacle that was mostly my fault but really not completely because I can't be expected to organize everything and know everything about parking in Boston and be "the responsible one" when I am the LEAST responsible person ever) was AMAZING. We got there in time to see him sing Brick, and Army, and Landed, and the sick-B-side Dr. Dre cover and a bunch of other songs that I knew vaguely but couldn't pin with a title. We couldn't really see, but that's not what concerts are about anyway, and I really enjoyed it. We saw Reid and Lucas and Reid's girlfriend there too...very briefly though, as they were smart enough to park in a sensible place. Driving home was shocking and horrible and I didn't know what to say to Emma because I couldn't tell her to calm down because she had every reason to be freaking out of her mind. I don't know if we did something wrong or if we should have waited longer or called the police but REALLY what is the appropriate protocol for action when a drunken man darts out of nowhere and runs (on his feet) into the side of your car? He said he was ok and that it wasn't our fault and he got up and walked away and everyone on the side of the road kept saying that it wasn't our fault but still it scared the shit out of me.
All of the above isn't really the source of the aforementioned awkwardness. In fact, I can't really describe where it came from, all I can say is that it seems to be taking over my life right now. I feel like I should be either mourning or celebrating. The end of high school is supposed to rouse great emotion from the depths of our souls. In books and movies, graduation means love and pain, gratification and redemption, the realization of all our dreams and a preview to a future of great hope and opportunity. I'm not feeling any of those things. Instead I feel empty and numb and awkward, not afraid of what's ahead but apprehensive, unaware. I just want to push the pause button and think of a way I can make these last two weeks meaningful. I don't want to regret just going through the motions and letting them fly by. Nothing ever lives up to my expectations, so I'm trying not to have any. I just don't know if I can function that way.
Ben Folds (or what we saw of him after the long debacle that was mostly my fault but really not completely because I can't be expected to organize everything and know everything about parking in Boston and be "the responsible one" when I am the LEAST responsible person ever) was AMAZING. We got there in time to see him sing Brick, and Army, and Landed, and the sick-B-side Dr. Dre cover and a bunch of other songs that I knew vaguely but couldn't pin with a title. We couldn't really see, but that's not what concerts are about anyway, and I really enjoyed it. We saw Reid and Lucas and Reid's girlfriend there too...very briefly though, as they were smart enough to park in a sensible place. Driving home was shocking and horrible and I didn't know what to say to Emma because I couldn't tell her to calm down because she had every reason to be freaking out of her mind. I don't know if we did something wrong or if we should have waited longer or called the police but REALLY what is the appropriate protocol for action when a drunken man darts out of nowhere and runs (on his feet) into the side of your car? He said he was ok and that it wasn't our fault and he got up and walked away and everyone on the side of the road kept saying that it wasn't our fault but still it scared the shit out of me.
All of the above isn't really the source of the aforementioned awkwardness. In fact, I can't really describe where it came from, all I can say is that it seems to be taking over my life right now. I feel like I should be either mourning or celebrating. The end of high school is supposed to rouse great emotion from the depths of our souls. In books and movies, graduation means love and pain, gratification and redemption, the realization of all our dreams and a preview to a future of great hope and opportunity. I'm not feeling any of those things. Instead I feel empty and numb and awkward, not afraid of what's ahead but apprehensive, unaware. I just want to push the pause button and think of a way I can make these last two weeks meaningful. I don't want to regret just going through the motions and letting them fly by. Nothing ever lives up to my expectations, so I'm trying not to have any. I just don't know if I can function that way.