Musing....

[phen82]

My daughter got hold of my husband's phone. She called an old friend that I haven't spoken to in years. After getting over my mortification at my 2 year old making international phone calls and potentially waking someone up in the middle of the night, it got me to thinking about friendships and relationships. Every friendship that I have had, has touched me in some way. The ones that ended badly, as well as the ones that are still current. Of the ones that ended badly, I usually find myself going over things in my head and working out what went wrong, where I failed. I'm not naturally a very social person, so to lose a friend in the past has always been hard. But today I thought about the bigger picture, rather than my own thoughts and feelings. Each friend that I have lost, has changed me in some way. Made me learn something vital to my personality, or paved the way for a different life lesson. In primary school, my friends turned on me for no reason, and the girl who had always hated me stood up for me and defended me against their taunts. I learned that people are not black and white, that emotions are transient and everyone has good and bad points. more recently, a friend turned on me and threw unfounded accusations at me. at first i was angry, some of the things she said to me were not only unfair, but entirely hypocritical. But I realise now that even though we had good times at the start and that we needed each other at the beginning, there was nothing left to gain in it for either of us, and i also learned that my ability to help someone else should never come at the expense of my family. and possibly the most painful friendship that dissolved, between two of my closest friends, had it not dissolved when it did, i would never have ventured out of my shell and learned to be alone. I also would never have met my husband. The relationships I have had in the past too, have changed me in some way. Even though things ended badly, in some strange way it was necessary. Even with all the hurt, came the lessons, which have shaped who I am today. (I might be biased, but I'd like to think I've turned out pretty well as a result... Lol).

So in short, I've realised that while friendships end, the importance of the friendship is not the longevity so much as the quality of the time you spent together. Sometimes they start up again, sometimes not. But every person I have ever called friend, has left their own individual mark on my heart. :)