(no subject)
The other day I had an epiphany. It's hard to describe exactly what went through my head, but I looked over some of my recent actions, and even some that are long since past and realised how foolish and childish I have been. It feels as if I have been walking around with my head in the sand and suddenly poked my head out to see what was really happening instead of just assuming that my imagination was magically conjuring truth. I wonder if I'm making any sense at all. Lol.
I've been doing a lot of meditating and soul searching. I realised after this epiphany that there are many aspects of my life that need changing for me to grow. There are many friendships which I have held simply to prevent me from hurting the other person, but I am needlessly hurting myself by keeping them and they are affecting my growth. I need to learn to let go of things I guess.
There are other things that are too difficult to explain, suffice to say that I have found direction and while I am not completely happy and at ease, I feel a sense of calm and peace within myself that is comforting. I did a numerology reading for myself and it said that at age 25 I will reach my first peak and that I will be looking deep within myself in order to grow spiritually and improve my soul. It mentioned that if I couldn't manage to find what I was searching for that the next 9 years will be miserable. I don't think I'm anywhere near finding what I need, but I feel at the moment as if I am on the right track.
In other news, Jess took her first step! She let go of me and took a step towards her teddy bear. If it hadn't been for her grabbing hold of her bear when she took the second step she would have toppled over but it was exciting nonetheless. I'm just absolutely thrilled that I was there to see it. I saw a friend a couple of weeks ago who told me how disappointed she was that she'd been working when her son took his first steps. She had such sadness in her eyes when she told me that the child care worker at the daycare center had been the one to tell her that her son had started walking.
My health is still a concern. Mum has me taking vitamin D and iron in the hopes that it's just a deficiency. The palpitations and pain continue to come and go, though they don't seem to be quite as frequent the last couple of days, though at the shopping center yesterday I had a few minutes where it came so suddenly and intensely that my vision blurred and I nearly fainted. Mum has given up on telling me to go to the hospital. I have an appointment with the doctor on Tuesday anyway and I'd rather see my doctor if I can hold out till then. Since then I've mostly been resting. I can't seem to get enough sleep these days.
Guess that's all for now.
I've been doing a lot of meditating and soul searching. I realised after this epiphany that there are many aspects of my life that need changing for me to grow. There are many friendships which I have held simply to prevent me from hurting the other person, but I am needlessly hurting myself by keeping them and they are affecting my growth. I need to learn to let go of things I guess.
There are other things that are too difficult to explain, suffice to say that I have found direction and while I am not completely happy and at ease, I feel a sense of calm and peace within myself that is comforting. I did a numerology reading for myself and it said that at age 25 I will reach my first peak and that I will be looking deep within myself in order to grow spiritually and improve my soul. It mentioned that if I couldn't manage to find what I was searching for that the next 9 years will be miserable. I don't think I'm anywhere near finding what I need, but I feel at the moment as if I am on the right track.
In other news, Jess took her first step! She let go of me and took a step towards her teddy bear. If it hadn't been for her grabbing hold of her bear when she took the second step she would have toppled over but it was exciting nonetheless. I'm just absolutely thrilled that I was there to see it. I saw a friend a couple of weeks ago who told me how disappointed she was that she'd been working when her son took his first steps. She had such sadness in her eyes when she told me that the child care worker at the daycare center had been the one to tell her that her son had started walking.
My health is still a concern. Mum has me taking vitamin D and iron in the hopes that it's just a deficiency. The palpitations and pain continue to come and go, though they don't seem to be quite as frequent the last couple of days, though at the shopping center yesterday I had a few minutes where it came so suddenly and intensely that my vision blurred and I nearly fainted. Mum has given up on telling me to go to the hospital. I have an appointment with the doctor on Tuesday anyway and I'd rather see my doctor if I can hold out till then. Since then I've mostly been resting. I can't seem to get enough sleep these days.
Guess that's all for now.