Decadence.
One word to describe 08. Drinks, party, sex - DECADENCE. Alcohol was the devil in disguise. Made too many mistakes under the influence. Irreconcilable mistakes, and wilson choo wei chen was the price i paid. I'm still struggling to come to a conclusion if its a bad thing. Got involved with too many guys to realise that they are too much trouble, they're all compulsive liars without a knack for love or commitment. So i'm staying away from them, for now. But they just keep coming. I tried to stay away but they keep coming. I wasnt even looking. But thats a different story altogether. U can come if you want but none of you have me. i'm staying away from sex as well. After much ' intervention' frm my dearly beloved friends and the ever harsh stubborn irritating stupid ex boyfriend. The act of corpulation never meant anything more than reaping biological pleasure , never personal. I loved the act, not the actor. I loved making myself feel completely vulnerable. I loved strippig myself of any modicum of self worth or dignity that i had. In other words, i loved subjugating myself to the trauma that ruined my childhood. But then u can only fall so low. I realised that even though my perception of things do not coincide with the majority, at the end of the day, is it still the world that judges you. So even if my moral boundary is wider than everyone else, it does not matter because ...majority rules.
I soon realised that i wasnt creating a very good image for myself and it mattered how people viewed me. Especially to people that mean something to me. I do not want the guy tt i adore to think i'm a superficial shallow slut. I am not. well everyone's superficial but i'm not that superficial. I can live a simple life. I am not shallow. And i'm not..a slut. not..anymore. see until today idk if i was ever slutty. Im not. not in my own terms i'm not. but the whole world thinks differently. It still pisses me off.
Its not your money that i'm after. Im not after anythng.
Of course i have regrets. But without these mistakes, there wud still be goo on my eyes. I'd still be perpetually denying myelf of a sense of self pride. - which everyone deserves.
" so tell me something about you that i do not know"
" i dont feel like telling"
i'm sorry i've become more reserved.
So here's me embarking on a voyage to be a better person.