(no subject)
there goes my good mood. today im relatively depressed...im not even sure why. i think its the fact that ive got nothing to do and my course is a joke. a complete joke. it cost me so much effort and so many tears and GRRRR KILL EVERYTHINGs to come to london, and what im getting for it is..well..crap, basically.
but thats not even the main reason im depressed. have you ever really missed someone? i dont mean a boyfriend/girlfriend kind of missing. of course i miss chris when he's not here, especially now because im depressed and i want to be near him. but thats something that comes naturally when youre not close to the person you love, and i know itll go away again because it wont be long before i see him again, even if it seems like ages.
what i mean is..have you ever missed a friend so much it makes you want to cry? friends are so different from your partner or whatever. you can go for ages, years, without seeing them, but it doesn't bother you all that much because you know you'll see them again and they're still there when you go back home. at least that's how i feel. i do miss my friends of course, but i can deal with it.
i just talked to aminah on msn for the first time in months and...i just feel like bursting into tears. i know im going to see all my friends in vienna again, and thats a very comforting feeling. to know someone will always be there. but the knowledge that someone you were once so very close to, someone you really love from the bottom of your heart, is probably never going to come back into your life like that again is a horrible feeling. i really miss her. i remember talking to veronica about it. she said "you know, we're never going to see her again." and i said "i know." but its only really sinking in now. and..blah. it makes me feel disgusting and horrible and weird.
when i was talking to her just now she said "hey you know, its as if we're not even that far apart when we're talking online." which is true because its just how we used to talk online. but...its so hard to explain. i feel like a chunk of my life has just been thrown in the trash. not just because of aminah, but because of those 14 years i spent in that school. i think its the best thing that's ever happened to me. i miss it so much, even though i like it here. but...yeah. life changes i guess. or some wise line like that. im going to save this now without reading through it.
but thats not even the main reason im depressed. have you ever really missed someone? i dont mean a boyfriend/girlfriend kind of missing. of course i miss chris when he's not here, especially now because im depressed and i want to be near him. but thats something that comes naturally when youre not close to the person you love, and i know itll go away again because it wont be long before i see him again, even if it seems like ages.
what i mean is..have you ever missed a friend so much it makes you want to cry? friends are so different from your partner or whatever. you can go for ages, years, without seeing them, but it doesn't bother you all that much because you know you'll see them again and they're still there when you go back home. at least that's how i feel. i do miss my friends of course, but i can deal with it.
i just talked to aminah on msn for the first time in months and...i just feel like bursting into tears. i know im going to see all my friends in vienna again, and thats a very comforting feeling. to know someone will always be there. but the knowledge that someone you were once so very close to, someone you really love from the bottom of your heart, is probably never going to come back into your life like that again is a horrible feeling. i really miss her. i remember talking to veronica about it. she said "you know, we're never going to see her again." and i said "i know." but its only really sinking in now. and..blah. it makes me feel disgusting and horrible and weird.
when i was talking to her just now she said "hey you know, its as if we're not even that far apart when we're talking online." which is true because its just how we used to talk online. but...its so hard to explain. i feel like a chunk of my life has just been thrown in the trash. not just because of aminah, but because of those 14 years i spent in that school. i think its the best thing that's ever happened to me. i miss it so much, even though i like it here. but...yeah. life changes i guess. or some wise line like that. im going to save this now without reading through it.