Birthday silliness
Happy Birthday innie_darling. I hope you have a fabulous day my dear, to match your own fabulousness!!
As this is an extra special birthday, I shall be posting something else for you tonight too! I started a Dean plays guitar ficlet for this that innie's seen a preview of, that's ready now, and is a full length proper fic type thing. It is really, the proper gift.
In the meantime, something specially for today:
Title: Not a gender swap.
Rating PG13
Some bad language
Summary: Sam wakes up convinced something awful has happened - he’s somehow been turned into a BOY.
Incomplete crackish fic - this is just the beginning 1000 words. It probably won’t ever get finished, but I hope it at least entertains for this morning.
Sam’s shaking his arm hard, and Dean tries to throw him off. It must be too early to get up; Dean feels like he’s only been asleep for about ten minutes.
“Get up, GET UP.” Sam sounds worried, so Dean forces himself to open his eyes.
“Wassup?” Dean pulls himself upright, runs his eyes critically over Sam. Sam looks normal, except for the wide eyes and worried expression, and Sam can wear those for a whole range of things. Dean glances around the motel room. It looks the same as they left it last night, with empty food packets left out over the table, clothes strewn over the floor, and research notes stacked neatly next to the laptop. “What is it, Sam?”
“What is it?” Sam’s voice is shrill, and he gives a hysterical laugh. “Look at me, Dean. This is what’s up!” He pokes himself hard in the chest, gestures with his hand down to his feet.
“Sam...” Dean swings his feet out of bed now, and surveys Sam carefully. Sam looks exactly like he did the night before. “I don’t see…”
“Acting calm doesn’t help you know.” Sam stalks away from Dean, then turns and comes back. “Waking up a guy doesn’t happen every day.”
Dean shakes his head. What’s wrong with Sam this morning, he wonders. Has he somehow missed April Fools? “I think it does, Sam. Look I don’t know why you think this is funny, but I’m tired. I’m going back to sleep. After a piss.” He pushes himself up and starts toward the bathroom, but Sam grabs his arm and spins him around.
“I don’t think it’s funny either! Where’d my boobs go? And look how freakishly tall I am! And oh God.” Sam’s eyes look straight at his crotch. Dean looks there too, then quickly away. What’s he doing listening to Sam?
“Sam, quit it.”
“You quit fucking about and help me!” Sam sounds panicked, genuinely worried, and Dean looks over him properly.
“Sam. What do you think you were yesterday?”
“Dean,” Sam says in his patient, I’ll explain this slowly ‘cause you’re an idiot voice, “I was a girl yesterday. I have always been a girl. Until today.”
Dean laughs. “At least now you admit it. Finally found your balls? Good for you.”
“Fuck off, Dean, stop…” Sam looks carefully at Dean, then adds quietly, “You think I was a guy yesterday?”
“Yes, Sam,” Dean answers, trying to copy Sam's patient voice. “You’ve been a guy every day, your whole life, except for those occasions when the big girl inside you takes over, and …”
“Something’s wrong, Dean.” Sam looks him straight in the eye. “I think I was a girl. I have memories as a girl. I don’t remember being a guy until today. I remember getting my first period, screwing my first guy, I have no idea what to do with a dick…” Sam looks at his crotch again.
Dean takes in everything Sam says. Sam sounds deadly serious. “Fuck, Sam. If this is a joke…”
“No joke. Cross my heart.” Sam crosses his heart, then kisses the fingers he crossed his heart with. Sam walks across the room away from Dean, and Dean notices that as he walks, he adds a sway to his hips. He sits down at the table, and crosses over knee over the other. He pouts his lips and peers up at Dean from under his fringe. Okay, Dean has to admit Sam’s acting girly even for him.
“You think you were a girl?” Dean says at last, and walks over to sit on the other chair.
“Yeah.” Sam looks at his nails. “Fuck, I broke …never mind.” He flexes his hands and looks down at his legs. “I was a tall girl, but this is freaky tall.”
“You have memories as a girl?” Dean frowns over at Sam. “You had girlfriends in these memories?”
“Dean, I’m not telling you if I’ve ever made out with another chick, you know I haven’t…” Sam rolls his eyes and uncrosses his legs. He leans forward earnestly. “You think I’m a guy?”
“Yes. You are. You’re the one with the delusion here, Sam.”
“How do we know you aren’t?” Sam says, then crestfallen, looks down at his clothes, even as Dean points at them. “Dammit.”
“Everything in here belongs to a guy,” Dean says, trying to sound serious. Sam’s sounding pretty convincing.
Sam nods. “I need to use the restroom,” he says, and Dean watches him sashay over to the bathroom. When he gets there there’s a minute’s silence then Sam says in a worried voice, “I have to pee standing up?”
“I ain’t telling you how!” Dean calls. He shakes his head again, runs his hand over his face. It’s a pretty strong delusion if Sam’s memories have all changed. He tries to think what might have caused it. They got rid of a poltergeist yesterday, that’s nothing to do with it. What spell or curse or poison could have brought this on? A few minutes later Sam appears in the doorway.
“I’ve got a dick.”
Dean smirks. “You want me to take you out so you can learn properly how to use it?” Sam glares at him. “It must be a spell or a poison that’s caused this delusion, we’ll have to look it up.”
“Glad you’re taking me seriously,” Sam says. He walks back toward Dean, and stops suddenly, just short of the table.
“What is it Sam?”
“Can you move the spider so I can sit down?” Sam says, staring at the floor. The world’s smallest spider is crawling across the floor between Sam and the chair.
Dean rolls his eyes. “You’re kidding me? Even your inner girl is a big girl.”
***
TBC - maybe/probably not, hope this amused.
As this is an extra special birthday, I shall be posting something else for you tonight too! I started a Dean plays guitar ficlet for this that innie's seen a preview of, that's ready now, and is a full length proper fic type thing. It is really, the proper gift.
In the meantime, something specially for today:
Title: Not a gender swap.
Rating PG13
Some bad language
Summary: Sam wakes up convinced something awful has happened - he’s somehow been turned into a BOY.
Incomplete crackish fic - this is just the beginning 1000 words. It probably won’t ever get finished, but I hope it at least entertains for this morning.
Sam’s shaking his arm hard, and Dean tries to throw him off. It must be too early to get up; Dean feels like he’s only been asleep for about ten minutes.
“Get up, GET UP.” Sam sounds worried, so Dean forces himself to open his eyes.
“Wassup?” Dean pulls himself upright, runs his eyes critically over Sam. Sam looks normal, except for the wide eyes and worried expression, and Sam can wear those for a whole range of things. Dean glances around the motel room. It looks the same as they left it last night, with empty food packets left out over the table, clothes strewn over the floor, and research notes stacked neatly next to the laptop. “What is it, Sam?”
“What is it?” Sam’s voice is shrill, and he gives a hysterical laugh. “Look at me, Dean. This is what’s up!” He pokes himself hard in the chest, gestures with his hand down to his feet.
“Sam...” Dean swings his feet out of bed now, and surveys Sam carefully. Sam looks exactly like he did the night before. “I don’t see…”
“Acting calm doesn’t help you know.” Sam stalks away from Dean, then turns and comes back. “Waking up a guy doesn’t happen every day.”
Dean shakes his head. What’s wrong with Sam this morning, he wonders. Has he somehow missed April Fools? “I think it does, Sam. Look I don’t know why you think this is funny, but I’m tired. I’m going back to sleep. After a piss.” He pushes himself up and starts toward the bathroom, but Sam grabs his arm and spins him around.
“I don’t think it’s funny either! Where’d my boobs go? And look how freakishly tall I am! And oh God.” Sam’s eyes look straight at his crotch. Dean looks there too, then quickly away. What’s he doing listening to Sam?
“Sam, quit it.”
“You quit fucking about and help me!” Sam sounds panicked, genuinely worried, and Dean looks over him properly.
“Sam. What do you think you were yesterday?”
“Dean,” Sam says in his patient, I’ll explain this slowly ‘cause you’re an idiot voice, “I was a girl yesterday. I have always been a girl. Until today.”
Dean laughs. “At least now you admit it. Finally found your balls? Good for you.”
“Fuck off, Dean, stop…” Sam looks carefully at Dean, then adds quietly, “You think I was a guy yesterday?”
“Yes, Sam,” Dean answers, trying to copy Sam's patient voice. “You’ve been a guy every day, your whole life, except for those occasions when the big girl inside you takes over, and …”
“Something’s wrong, Dean.” Sam looks him straight in the eye. “I think I was a girl. I have memories as a girl. I don’t remember being a guy until today. I remember getting my first period, screwing my first guy, I have no idea what to do with a dick…” Sam looks at his crotch again.
Dean takes in everything Sam says. Sam sounds deadly serious. “Fuck, Sam. If this is a joke…”
“No joke. Cross my heart.” Sam crosses his heart, then kisses the fingers he crossed his heart with. Sam walks across the room away from Dean, and Dean notices that as he walks, he adds a sway to his hips. He sits down at the table, and crosses over knee over the other. He pouts his lips and peers up at Dean from under his fringe. Okay, Dean has to admit Sam’s acting girly even for him.
“You think you were a girl?” Dean says at last, and walks over to sit on the other chair.
“Yeah.” Sam looks at his nails. “Fuck, I broke …never mind.” He flexes his hands and looks down at his legs. “I was a tall girl, but this is freaky tall.”
“You have memories as a girl?” Dean frowns over at Sam. “You had girlfriends in these memories?”
“Dean, I’m not telling you if I’ve ever made out with another chick, you know I haven’t…” Sam rolls his eyes and uncrosses his legs. He leans forward earnestly. “You think I’m a guy?”
“Yes. You are. You’re the one with the delusion here, Sam.”
“How do we know you aren’t?” Sam says, then crestfallen, looks down at his clothes, even as Dean points at them. “Dammit.”
“Everything in here belongs to a guy,” Dean says, trying to sound serious. Sam’s sounding pretty convincing.
Sam nods. “I need to use the restroom,” he says, and Dean watches him sashay over to the bathroom. When he gets there there’s a minute’s silence then Sam says in a worried voice, “I have to pee standing up?”
“I ain’t telling you how!” Dean calls. He shakes his head again, runs his hand over his face. It’s a pretty strong delusion if Sam’s memories have all changed. He tries to think what might have caused it. They got rid of a poltergeist yesterday, that’s nothing to do with it. What spell or curse or poison could have brought this on? A few minutes later Sam appears in the doorway.
“I’ve got a dick.”
Dean smirks. “You want me to take you out so you can learn properly how to use it?” Sam glares at him. “It must be a spell or a poison that’s caused this delusion, we’ll have to look it up.”
“Glad you’re taking me seriously,” Sam says. He walks back toward Dean, and stops suddenly, just short of the table.
“What is it Sam?”
“Can you move the spider so I can sit down?” Sam says, staring at the floor. The world’s smallest spider is crawling across the floor between Sam and the chair.
Dean rolls his eyes. “You’re kidding me? Even your inner girl is a big girl.”
***
TBC - maybe/probably not, hope this amused.