(no subject)
OK, Here's a quick update on life before i get into what i want to type out:
1) The rest of the semester was unbelievable. Terribly sad, but really great at the same time. Lots of good friends, good times, and just love all around. Sad beacuse i made so many 4th year friends and they are all now alumn so that blows...
2) Blood Brothers was good. It was a two week run which was new for me and it was great. The frist show back was easier than i thought it would be. i guess i knew the show better than i thought i did. hm!
3) Passover at school was hard because the caf only gave me tiny tiny meals.
4) Zams were ok. i studied a lot for some, less for others and i did about the same on all of them... which is well. Got my marks back. Happy with some, dissapointed with others.
5) Got home for good and i still haven't found a job which is stressful. I've been seeing friends and that's been fun, but this though of needing a job is killing me... and my mother
OK, so that's what's new.
Since yesterday i've been feeling so odd. I can't really describe it. I'm not happy and i'm not sad. I'm pensive about myself. Just taking stock of who i am and what i do and such. I don't know what i want and i'm not happy with myself. I've lost sight of what people see in me and it's driving me mad. I find myself wanting things from other people and i don't want to but i do. I don't even know what i want. I thought i was doing something i love to do and was good at. I know i'm not the best at it, but i have this worry that i'm just not good enough and i KNOW i'm not. I don't even know if this makes sense.
For example, last night i went out with a bunch of BloBro people and it was supposed to be so fun, and i was a Debbie Downer. There was no reason! and i wasn't sad or mad at anyone or anything! i'm having terrible anxiety perhaps about not having a job and i fear i never will get one. And not only for this summer. what if i can't EVER get a job! Everyone i know seems to be doing something really great and fun for the summer and i'm home and jobless. I plan to make some trips to K-Town...but i don't have a bed there.
I think i just need some guidance. I'm feeling lost in myself. It's like i'm looking at myself and i'm not happy with what i see, but i don't know what to do! And how can other people like me if i don't. I'm not an extremely smart person, i'm not extremely beautiful, i'm not extremely talented, i'm not extremely fun. i just don't know. I'm just lost and confused and unhappy. what do my friends see in me? Because i don't see it. i don't want to be my friend.
k, now i know what's wrong. thanks livejournal.
--Me
1) The rest of the semester was unbelievable. Terribly sad, but really great at the same time. Lots of good friends, good times, and just love all around. Sad beacuse i made so many 4th year friends and they are all now alumn so that blows...
2) Blood Brothers was good. It was a two week run which was new for me and it was great. The frist show back was easier than i thought it would be. i guess i knew the show better than i thought i did. hm!
3) Passover at school was hard because the caf only gave me tiny tiny meals.
4) Zams were ok. i studied a lot for some, less for others and i did about the same on all of them... which is well. Got my marks back. Happy with some, dissapointed with others.
5) Got home for good and i still haven't found a job which is stressful. I've been seeing friends and that's been fun, but this though of needing a job is killing me... and my mother
OK, so that's what's new.
Since yesterday i've been feeling so odd. I can't really describe it. I'm not happy and i'm not sad. I'm pensive about myself. Just taking stock of who i am and what i do and such. I don't know what i want and i'm not happy with myself. I've lost sight of what people see in me and it's driving me mad. I find myself wanting things from other people and i don't want to but i do. I don't even know what i want. I thought i was doing something i love to do and was good at. I know i'm not the best at it, but i have this worry that i'm just not good enough and i KNOW i'm not. I don't even know if this makes sense.
For example, last night i went out with a bunch of BloBro people and it was supposed to be so fun, and i was a Debbie Downer. There was no reason! and i wasn't sad or mad at anyone or anything! i'm having terrible anxiety perhaps about not having a job and i fear i never will get one. And not only for this summer. what if i can't EVER get a job! Everyone i know seems to be doing something really great and fun for the summer and i'm home and jobless. I plan to make some trips to K-Town...but i don't have a bed there.
I think i just need some guidance. I'm feeling lost in myself. It's like i'm looking at myself and i'm not happy with what i see, but i don't know what to do! And how can other people like me if i don't. I'm not an extremely smart person, i'm not extremely beautiful, i'm not extremely talented, i'm not extremely fun. i just don't know. I'm just lost and confused and unhappy. what do my friends see in me? Because i don't see it. i don't want to be my friend.
k, now i know what's wrong. thanks livejournal.
--Me