Damn.
Well, one more chaotic stage of my life is over. That awkward time between the wreck and deciding to get past high school. In a quote, “Sometime in the last ten seconds, you’ve become a man.” Finding Neverland is a wonderful movie, and I highly recommend it, by thr way. If you couldn’t figure it out from the first line, Amy decided that the “romantic side of her part of the ‘relationship’ wasn’t so big anymore” Also the fact that she “sort of developed a crush on this guy” didn’t hurt that part either. She didn’t want to make it work. I hope she regrets it. I would have said I’d cur off my right arm for her, but I know that I would probably go into shock before I managed to cut it off. I would have tried, though, just like everything else. But she didn’t, I guess. Never did manage to change her mind, no use trying now. She did it the same time she gave me my goddamn Christmas presents, too. What a fucking mindjob. She always said that I wouldn’t understand ho much she hurt. Bullshit. Plain and simple. She at least got to experience mutual feelings. She had it. It left, yes, and in a very shitty way. I’ll give her that. But she denied me the chance of even having such happiness. Crushed is the best way I can explain how I feel right now. A combination of being crushed and fucking furious and disappointed. Furious about what she did/said, and disappointed because of who she developed a crush on. Motherfucking DePriest. How the fuck can she do that. Everyone agrees, it’s a horrible decision. I hope that I’m not that terrible and she just has really bad taste in guys. She says that the age thing is a huge part of why we would never work, then she not only leaves me for an older guy, but that fucking perv DePriest! Holy shit! It’s like, 2 AM and I’m not even writing this post right now. It’ll prolly be sometime about 9 PM on the 8th before this gets posted. She did it on the day after New Year’s. It’s the Fifth. I LAN’d all night with the guys to try and relax and vent after driving my car into the ground -literally- I was going so fast down a hill in Houndslake that my car bottomed out when I hit and uphill right after it. Glad I didn’t die in a wreck, glad I put enough faith in my driving and feeling of self-worth to get home alive.This has to be the longest post I’ve made on an LJ, ever. She must have made one hell of New Year’s Resolution-break a heart, check, fall back in love (with DePriest?! I swear to god if it happens I will do something violent) *vomit* (<--really happened.) She wants to still be friends, and she says she cares a lot about me, but f she cares so much about me, why not at least be honest and say I was a goddamn bumper fling. A seven month fling for me. We weren’t dating so she never counted days, but I’m sure Amy will throw herself a pity party for one year’s on her and Jamie. I was watching Jerry Maguire before I started writing this. I wish something that happy would happen to me. I don’t know where to go from here. Older people say to write a plan, but…we know how much good that would do me. Besides, life is what happens when you’re busy making plans. Gotta live in the now, which is what I’m trying to do. It’s going to be har, though. Every day since Jan 17th a night or day hasn’t passed without thinking about her. I thought about her when I went to sleep, and I would think about her to just pass time because it was something I liked doing. I don’t want to be single again, and all I wanted was to be loved back. Just gotta keep rolling. I hope I can find someone who will be ableto appreciate and return my dedication and commitment. I still love her. Sorry I didn’t call Sunita, I was busy playing some Halo, UT and Earth. I wanted to take her to dinner after I got paid from babysitting from New Year’s. At least I have 60 more bucks to go towards paying for parts for the car. I need a better hobby than putting myself in hopeless situations. Out.