Toby Keith, mocker of Jesus. (Read it or Jesus will cry)
Toby K. has a song out called "My List". It's part of the
existential fad that has hit some country artists. You're not
getting examples because I don't feel like it. Shut up.
Anyway, the beginning of the song starts out normal enough, talking
about things he needs to do because he's a "busy" man as is illustrated
by the following verse:
Under an old brass paperweight is my list of things to do today
Go to the bank and the hardware store, put a new lock on the cellar door
I cross 'em off as I get 'em done but when the sun is set
There's still more than a few things left I haven't got to yet
Now as a record-making superstar I would think he would put a little bit of time into songwriting or practicing or touring. But no, he does things that are supposed to take like an hour at the most. Unless he is putting state-of-the-art industrial lock on the cellar, I don't think it's going to be taking all day. Another thing, how forgetful is he that he needs to put three things on a piece of paper so that he doesn't forget them? The man can remember an hour and a half to three hours of music but he can't remember "the bank, the hardware store and new lock on cellar door"? I didn't even have to look back up at that the lyrics. He made it rhyme for me.
So he decides that he needs to get a life and stop all these mundane day to day activities like looking at his million dollar bank account, being able to walk in and buy everything in the store, and having a cellar to put stuff in that needs to be locked away with an industrial locking mechanism (I've officially decided that's what took him all day). But this is what he wants to do with his time:
Go for a walk, say a little prayer
Take a deep breath of mountain air
Put on my glove and play some catch
It's time that I make time for that
Wade the shore and cast a line
Pick up a long lost friend of mine
Sit on the porch and give my girl a kiss
Start livin', that's the next thing on my list
I first want to tackle this glove and ball dilemma. With who? Who do you want to play with? Your girl? Nope, you're too busy necking with her on your porch. Your kids? Two are old too play ball with you and the other is too young, and they're all girls; girls can't play ball. Your friends? Nope, friends will hang out with you even if you don't have money. At best you have an entourage and everybody knows they don't play ball. Your long lost friend is lost because "you've changed since you became a big star". Go for a walk. PSHH!!! When you have more cars than my whole family? I don't you as much of a walker. As far as the mountain air thing goes, I don't know of any many mountains that you can drive up in one of your many cars and if you can drive up them, they are called hills.
Second verse:
Wouldn't change the course of fate but cuttin' the grass just had to wait
'Cause I've got more important things like pushin' my kid on the backyard swing
I won't break my back for a million bucks I can't take to my grave
So why put off for tomorrow what I could get done today
Whatever, I'm not even going to comment on the million bucks thing. This whole verse sucks. Except for the "pushing my kid" part. Anytime you push someone smaller than you it just makes you feel good.
Raise a little hell, laugh 'til it hurts
Put an extra five in the plate at church
Call up my folks just to chat
It's time that I make time for that
Stay up late, then oversleep
Show her what she means to me
Catch up on all the things I've always missed
Just start livin', that's the next thing on my list
What is he, 15? Stay up late? Raise a little hell? Oversleep? You didn't get enough of that in your rebellious years?
Okay, now for the pinnacle of why I started writing this in the first place. Toby Keith mocks Jesus. First, he doesn't have a strong relationship with the guy. Say a little prayer? I think of a little prayer as "God is great. God is good. Let us thank him for our food..." And so on. We all stopped saying that as kids. Some of us continued to pray (meaningful prayers) while others stopped, nobody is kidding themselves by continuing that prayer. Except for you. Second, he must have read the part in Malachi where God says that if you tithe he will open up the floodgates of blessings; "test me in this". Toby says, "Here's my ten percent of a million dollars, and an extra fiver, make it a REALLY good blessing. And don't scratch it." Toby, if I or some other poor person put an extra five in the plate we are saying that we appreciate what God does for us and we give up our needs to him. However, when YOU put an extra five in the plate you are saying, "Hey Jesus, here's my snot rag, use it in good health."
If that is living I have no idea what I am doing right now. Essentially he wants to be a hippy. Well, when you are looking to live in the woods and give up all your material possesions, look me up. I live in San Marcos, I'm listed.
Under an old brass paperweight is my list of things to do today
Go to the bank and the hardware store, put a new lock on the cellar door
I cross 'em off as I get 'em done but when the sun is set
There's still more than a few things left I haven't got to yet
Now as a record-making superstar I would think he would put a little bit of time into songwriting or practicing or touring. But no, he does things that are supposed to take like an hour at the most. Unless he is putting state-of-the-art industrial lock on the cellar, I don't think it's going to be taking all day. Another thing, how forgetful is he that he needs to put three things on a piece of paper so that he doesn't forget them? The man can remember an hour and a half to three hours of music but he can't remember "the bank, the hardware store and new lock on cellar door"? I didn't even have to look back up at that the lyrics. He made it rhyme for me.
So he decides that he needs to get a life and stop all these mundane day to day activities like looking at his million dollar bank account, being able to walk in and buy everything in the store, and having a cellar to put stuff in that needs to be locked away with an industrial locking mechanism (I've officially decided that's what took him all day). But this is what he wants to do with his time:
Go for a walk, say a little prayer
Take a deep breath of mountain air
Put on my glove and play some catch
It's time that I make time for that
Wade the shore and cast a line
Pick up a long lost friend of mine
Sit on the porch and give my girl a kiss
Start livin', that's the next thing on my list
I first want to tackle this glove and ball dilemma. With who? Who do you want to play with? Your girl? Nope, you're too busy necking with her on your porch. Your kids? Two are old too play ball with you and the other is too young, and they're all girls; girls can't play ball. Your friends? Nope, friends will hang out with you even if you don't have money. At best you have an entourage and everybody knows they don't play ball. Your long lost friend is lost because "you've changed since you became a big star". Go for a walk. PSHH!!! When you have more cars than my whole family? I don't you as much of a walker. As far as the mountain air thing goes, I don't know of any many mountains that you can drive up in one of your many cars and if you can drive up them, they are called hills.
Second verse:
Wouldn't change the course of fate but cuttin' the grass just had to wait
'Cause I've got more important things like pushin' my kid on the backyard swing
I won't break my back for a million bucks I can't take to my grave
So why put off for tomorrow what I could get done today
Whatever, I'm not even going to comment on the million bucks thing. This whole verse sucks. Except for the "pushing my kid" part. Anytime you push someone smaller than you it just makes you feel good.
Raise a little hell, laugh 'til it hurts
Put an extra five in the plate at church
Call up my folks just to chat
It's time that I make time for that
Stay up late, then oversleep
Show her what she means to me
Catch up on all the things I've always missed
Just start livin', that's the next thing on my list
What is he, 15? Stay up late? Raise a little hell? Oversleep? You didn't get enough of that in your rebellious years?
Okay, now for the pinnacle of why I started writing this in the first place. Toby Keith mocks Jesus. First, he doesn't have a strong relationship with the guy. Say a little prayer? I think of a little prayer as "God is great. God is good. Let us thank him for our food..." And so on. We all stopped saying that as kids. Some of us continued to pray (meaningful prayers) while others stopped, nobody is kidding themselves by continuing that prayer. Except for you. Second, he must have read the part in Malachi where God says that if you tithe he will open up the floodgates of blessings; "test me in this". Toby says, "Here's my ten percent of a million dollars, and an extra fiver, make it a REALLY good blessing. And don't scratch it." Toby, if I or some other poor person put an extra five in the plate we are saying that we appreciate what God does for us and we give up our needs to him. However, when YOU put an extra five in the plate you are saying, "Hey Jesus, here's my snot rag, use it in good health."
If that is living I have no idea what I am doing right now. Essentially he wants to be a hippy. Well, when you are looking to live in the woods and give up all your material possesions, look me up. I live in San Marcos, I'm listed.