so beautiful
I've must of listen to this song at least 100 times a few days after crystal broke up with me. It's so beautiful..thus the name so beautiful. It makes me think alot..and it also brings a nice quiet tear to my eye. Now i can't sleep and i have to be at work in a few hours but I dont care..why? because i have this song playing on my computer and i feel relaxed. It just seems so hard to let go but i know i can do it. I have to do it..i need to move on with my life..i need to experience it. Its obvious that she, and it doesnt seem like she really gives two shits about me, i know its all for show to make herself seem like the better person, but im not mad, im not mad at all...want to know why? ..because of this song, this one song. I need to thank blake for this song..because this song just changed my whole life, and its funny to say that..but i was just about to do something extremely stupid and i would of regreted for a LLLONNNG time to come. And I'm so thankful that I didn't do it.
Phase 1...
I never trusted crystal, for the most part and it wasn't her fault at all, she never gave me a reason not to trust her, except for that time in wendys where i saw her checking out another guy, but thats neither here or there. It was my fault, and i blame my bitch of an ex for taking that away. Now im not saying i never had any trust for her..because i did, i truly did to some point. But it came to the point where it didn't matter. She was good to me, and i know that I fucked up the relationship and that I fucked up what her and i had, and i accept that 100% and understand that as well.
Phase 2...
I never fully knew why i felt this way towards her..i never knew why i couldn't trust her, and that lead to me feeling like everytime she went out she was cheating on me, although i know she wouldnt but i felt it..and it hurt when i thought about it, but i continued. It made me sick to my stomach sometimes and i was disgusted with the way i thought..i hated it...
Phase 3...
Now i will not say what this phase is all about..but all i will say is that..this phase is a huge part of my life now for the rest of my life. And that I was there for her no matter what and never saw her in a different light, in fact I loved her more. But my love for her wouldn't last..
A way out....
I needed a way out of this..out of the relationship i said..without hurting her..I said let me join the navy...let me leave and explore life and see what else is out there. I wanted out because i felt like she wasnt happy with me at all, that I held HER back from what she really wanted to do and that made me feel like shit. But then I thought more and more on how much I would completely miss her and I couldnt bear with it...I couldnt sleep...so I got out of it...
and to this day...
there is more in our relationship that I didnt mention here..for the simple fact that this is a public journal and I need to keep some things in my life private, but I will say is...I did treat that girl like shit from time to time...and i admit it...and i realize it now that...THIS WHOLE THING IS MY FAULT, AND I HAD IT COMING ALL ALONG. And now i sit here alone everyday of my life just waiting..waiting for the next chapter to begin...waiting for the one thing in my life to make it all worth wild the way she did. I don't hate her...Because in fact...i love her..and I say things out of anger just to make myself feel better. Crystal if you're reading this I just want to say that you are right for what you did, and i hope that your life goes well and you stay up do what you have to do, don't listen to your father, don't listen to others...listen to whats inside your heart... I love you.
Phase 1...
I never trusted crystal, for the most part and it wasn't her fault at all, she never gave me a reason not to trust her, except for that time in wendys where i saw her checking out another guy, but thats neither here or there. It was my fault, and i blame my bitch of an ex for taking that away. Now im not saying i never had any trust for her..because i did, i truly did to some point. But it came to the point where it didn't matter. She was good to me, and i know that I fucked up the relationship and that I fucked up what her and i had, and i accept that 100% and understand that as well.
Phase 2...
I never fully knew why i felt this way towards her..i never knew why i couldn't trust her, and that lead to me feeling like everytime she went out she was cheating on me, although i know she wouldnt but i felt it..and it hurt when i thought about it, but i continued. It made me sick to my stomach sometimes and i was disgusted with the way i thought..i hated it...
Phase 3...
Now i will not say what this phase is all about..but all i will say is that..this phase is a huge part of my life now for the rest of my life. And that I was there for her no matter what and never saw her in a different light, in fact I loved her more. But my love for her wouldn't last..
A way out....
I needed a way out of this..out of the relationship i said..without hurting her..I said let me join the navy...let me leave and explore life and see what else is out there. I wanted out because i felt like she wasnt happy with me at all, that I held HER back from what she really wanted to do and that made me feel like shit. But then I thought more and more on how much I would completely miss her and I couldnt bear with it...I couldnt sleep...so I got out of it...
and to this day...
there is more in our relationship that I didnt mention here..for the simple fact that this is a public journal and I need to keep some things in my life private, but I will say is...I did treat that girl like shit from time to time...and i admit it...and i realize it now that...THIS WHOLE THING IS MY FAULT, AND I HAD IT COMING ALL ALONG. And now i sit here alone everyday of my life just waiting..waiting for the next chapter to begin...waiting for the one thing in my life to make it all worth wild the way she did. I don't hate her...Because in fact...i love her..and I say things out of anger just to make myself feel better. Crystal if you're reading this I just want to say that you are right for what you did, and i hope that your life goes well and you stay up do what you have to do, don't listen to your father, don't listen to others...listen to whats inside your heart... I love you.