(no subject)
It's been a long time since I was in a writing mood. Even though I haven't been here much at all these past years, I still find it's a nice place to come and rant once in a while. I don't think anyone bothers to read it anymore, a good thing because I feel like it's a diary of my emotions throughout the years. The future is starting to scare me. I've changed so much, been forced to change, wanted to change.... Where do I go from here? For a long time, my life was to get off probation, get back in school, find a girl and fall in love... but where do I go from here? How do I become that person I wanted to be back when I had dreams and desires?
I love Daft Punk. I'm surprised I never listened to them before. It's really lame to say, but I've always deeply connected with music and at this time in my life, Daft Punk is capturing me to a 't'. Sometimes mysterious, sometimes fun, sometimes love, sometimes harsh... Discovery and Human After All: go get those albums and listen -- that's me.
I feel so grown up. Calm. Realizing that I have many years left to go and there should be no rush to get there. Take your time, finish your last two years of school and then get married and then get a job that lets you go back to school to get your MBA to eventually own your own bar. Have kids on the way. Get a car. A house. And deep down inside of me, I hear this little voice getting smaller and smaller saying, "Go climb a building and watch the sun set again!" "Get a bottle of vodka tonight, you have no obligations tomorrow! Feel excited! Meet new people and become their friends! Their drinking buddies, their smoking buddies." It seems that I'm balancing myself on a beam with the two voids of Partying and Responsibility on either side of me. Rather not Partying and Responsibility, but the emptiness of my old self and the potential emptiness of my new self.
I'm finding out that love is harder than one thinks. I've never been so involved in the life of another person before, in a good way I mean. I can't imagine a day without her being here. To tell about my day and ask how hers went. It's so strange to sleep in an empty bed now, almost impossible. But being around eachother so often leads to boredom eventually (although we still have fun a lot too), and aggravation. It's really the latter that bothers me, if I get bored I go out and do things with her. It's silly that one year ago we were so Bambi eye in love nothing would bother us, or we'd let it slide. Now (sometimes :P) the littlest of things can set us off if were in a bad mood. I love this woman, but she can drive me crazy sometimes.
I play this online MMO game called "The Last Knights". I'm the leader of Norway and am doing a sucky job helping my country grow. I try my best but I'm just a noob and it's really obvious. So one of the other players basically is running everything and I'm just the leader in title. But it's nice that I did at least something cool in the game. :)
I (every paragraph I've written starts with the letter 'i' so I figured to continue the trend) am enjoying my job. I get paid well and the people I work with are pretty cool. I don't want to talk about my job though, it gives me stress.
"There is no band, this is all just a recording."