Hard Lines
Write a ficlet on the word "trust."
Jimmy McCarron trusts her enough to not grab her by the wrist and tell her she's being stupid, or to throw her boyfriend up against a wall and commit a dissection of his soul.
Because really, every time he looks at Brittany since they got off that Concorde at LAX, the prevailing thought in his head has been What the fuck is going on with you?
He's never been judgmental or protective of his close friend, and he's not like all the other guys when it comes to her actions. His philosophy is that it's her life, and he will not stop her from doing whatever she wants to do. However, that philosophy never implied or required understanding whatever it is she wants to do. Usually he's good at following her logic; they're both smart people with solid common sense. This time, however, he has no fucking clue what happened and he was there for most of it, which only makes his annoyance-slash-confusion worse. Annoyance at himself for not getting it; confusion because this is so far out of line for her he can't even see where she's standing anymore.
Yesterday you were my best friend
But tomorrow took you away
There's not much for me to say now
Just goodbye, farewell
And all of it's crashing
Like a tidal wave coming over me
She's protective of the people she loves, has worked for years to build a perfect world, understands the commitment she has to said world, and loves her husband enough to forgive his multitude of sins. So of course she'd leave everyone she loves behind, move all the way across the country to start over, abandon the spaces between she's come to fill, divorce her husband, and do it all for someone completely new who as far as McCarron can tell, she'd met only weeks earlier.
Together with Faith and T.J. he's been seeing what he can find out about the guy. He knows what happened out there: Brittany's best friend Brian called in House as medical backup. He assisted in Brittany's recovery, and they spent a significant amount of time alone together in the back of the Concorde. Next thing McCarron knows, Frank is telling him she's brought the guy to work. After that, she's leaving and he's sizing the guy up from across the ballroom at the Palms. Now she's gone, leaving him with the ghost of an embrace and the memory of whispered promises. It screams that it's wrong, but he keeps his mouth shut and goes back to work. Work that now seems mundane when compared to what she led him through, what she trusted him to do.
And every time I close my eyes
My heart is bleeding deep inside
But now my eyes are open
And I'm never gonna be the one for you
He does his job, the same way he did before she came into his life. It's still enough to push him but not far enough, not anymore. And when it's over is the worst of it. The void of her is worse than the void of the world she gave him, though he misses the challenge more than he misses her, because the fight is what he lives for. He never lived for her, but he thinks that he could have. She taught him that. That loving her wasn't weak, wasn't wrong. When they were together, when it was them and Michael, even - he had felt like that could carry on to forever. Then she let it all go - for a guy old enough to be her father that none of them even know.
Part of his brain screams it's jealousy but he knows it's not. She would never be his. If it hadn't been this guy, she would've stayed with Michael. And true, Michael turned a blind eye to the times he held her hand, or kissed her before the fall, but that's not the same thing. He said he loved her. She said she loved him. Yet he'll always be a fighter before a lover. She's gone, so he goes back to the fight. That's what he has. He was never waiting on her to come and make it all okay.
Still, she left her imprint on his soul. Opened a small part of it that was hers and hers alone, and will always call to her. He thinks of her often as he does her work, alongside Mark Holden keeping the city in one piece. It helps him understand her better now that he has succeeded her. He misses her. He can admit that. Misses her blind faith, her passion, her power. He will always be standing in the shadows right behind her, waiting for her call. There's just more darkness between them now than there used to be. There's a space between them. It was never supposed to be that way. She made the choice to put distance between them, ironic after the years she spent trying to get close to him.
But, he ruminates as he wonders if she's still wearing his medallion around her neck like she had every day since he gave it to her, he trusts her enough to put her life back in her own hands and let her carry on. He's turned the page and left behind the love they had; he buried it on that airplane. She obviously has gone on. They'll stand together alone. He trusts her enough to stand with her when he's not there, when she's a million miles from home.
So I wanted you to know
That I finally let you go
After all I've held on to
This is my goodbye to you
Jimmy McCarron trusts her enough to not grab her by the wrist and tell her she's being stupid, or to throw her boyfriend up against a wall and commit a dissection of his soul.
Because really, every time he looks at Brittany since they got off that Concorde at LAX, the prevailing thought in his head has been What the fuck is going on with you?
He's never been judgmental or protective of his close friend, and he's not like all the other guys when it comes to her actions. His philosophy is that it's her life, and he will not stop her from doing whatever she wants to do. However, that philosophy never implied or required understanding whatever it is she wants to do. Usually he's good at following her logic; they're both smart people with solid common sense. This time, however, he has no fucking clue what happened and he was there for most of it, which only makes his annoyance-slash-confusion worse. Annoyance at himself for not getting it; confusion because this is so far out of line for her he can't even see where she's standing anymore.
Yesterday you were my best friend
But tomorrow took you away
There's not much for me to say now
Just goodbye, farewell
And all of it's crashing
Like a tidal wave coming over me
She's protective of the people she loves, has worked for years to build a perfect world, understands the commitment she has to said world, and loves her husband enough to forgive his multitude of sins. So of course she'd leave everyone she loves behind, move all the way across the country to start over, abandon the spaces between she's come to fill, divorce her husband, and do it all for someone completely new who as far as McCarron can tell, she'd met only weeks earlier.
Together with Faith and T.J. he's been seeing what he can find out about the guy. He knows what happened out there: Brittany's best friend Brian called in House as medical backup. He assisted in Brittany's recovery, and they spent a significant amount of time alone together in the back of the Concorde. Next thing McCarron knows, Frank is telling him she's brought the guy to work. After that, she's leaving and he's sizing the guy up from across the ballroom at the Palms. Now she's gone, leaving him with the ghost of an embrace and the memory of whispered promises. It screams that it's wrong, but he keeps his mouth shut and goes back to work. Work that now seems mundane when compared to what she led him through, what she trusted him to do.
And every time I close my eyes
My heart is bleeding deep inside
But now my eyes are open
And I'm never gonna be the one for you
He does his job, the same way he did before she came into his life. It's still enough to push him but not far enough, not anymore. And when it's over is the worst of it. The void of her is worse than the void of the world she gave him, though he misses the challenge more than he misses her, because the fight is what he lives for. He never lived for her, but he thinks that he could have. She taught him that. That loving her wasn't weak, wasn't wrong. When they were together, when it was them and Michael, even - he had felt like that could carry on to forever. Then she let it all go - for a guy old enough to be her father that none of them even know.
Part of his brain screams it's jealousy but he knows it's not. She would never be his. If it hadn't been this guy, she would've stayed with Michael. And true, Michael turned a blind eye to the times he held her hand, or kissed her before the fall, but that's not the same thing. He said he loved her. She said she loved him. Yet he'll always be a fighter before a lover. She's gone, so he goes back to the fight. That's what he has. He was never waiting on her to come and make it all okay.
Still, she left her imprint on his soul. Opened a small part of it that was hers and hers alone, and will always call to her. He thinks of her often as he does her work, alongside Mark Holden keeping the city in one piece. It helps him understand her better now that he has succeeded her. He misses her. He can admit that. Misses her blind faith, her passion, her power. He will always be standing in the shadows right behind her, waiting for her call. There's just more darkness between them now than there used to be. There's a space between them. It was never supposed to be that way. She made the choice to put distance between them, ironic after the years she spent trying to get close to him.
But, he ruminates as he wonders if she's still wearing his medallion around her neck like she had every day since he gave it to her, he trusts her enough to put her life back in her own hands and let her carry on. He's turned the page and left behind the love they had; he buried it on that airplane. She obviously has gone on. They'll stand together alone. He trusts her enough to stand with her when he's not there, when she's a million miles from home.
So I wanted you to know
That I finally let you go
After all I've held on to
This is my goodbye to you