Father figure
Title: Father figure
Pairing: The only one that matters S/X
Warnings: m/m relationship
Disclaimer: None of it belongs to me, I make no money
Rating: PG 13
Summary: Spike is protecting Xander from his early childhood but why?
The child sat alone on the grass in front of his house. His body was bent over and his little shoulders were shaking silently. He couldn’t have been more than 5 and he shouldn’t have been out alone at this time of night. He should have been tucked up in his bed with his teddy like all well looked after little boys, wearing his pj’s with airplanes or superman on them.
Through his tears he could see the blurred outline of two scuffed back boots standing in front of him, and looking up, he realised he was no longer alone and before him stood a stranger.
A man, and the man bent down to the child’s level and looked at his sad little face, the tears tracking down his cheeks. He reached out to the child’s face and with his thumb he gently wiped away the tears. The child looked at him without fear, surprised at the kindness of this stranger.
“You shouldn’t be out here all alone at night. Things happen. Why aren’t you fast asleep in your bed?” he asked the child tenderly.
“I w-was naughty and Dad smacked me and said I was a-a stupid little sh-shit and I sh-should be punished. H-he took B-Bert n Ernie and h-he b-burned them.” The child started to sob in earnest for the loss of Bert and Ernie.
“Come here little man and let me tell you a story, let me take those tears away. I’m not gonna hurt you, I’d never do that, come here and let me make you warm and safe” he said in a persuasive voice.
“W-Will said not to talk to strangers” he told him.
“Willow’s right, she’s a clever girl and you should listen to her. But, I’m not a stranger, I know you, I know your name, your birthday, who your mum n dad are, I know Willow and Jesse, I know you like pizza - double pepperoni, oh pet, I know nearly everything there is to know about you.”
“How, how d’you know I like double pepperoni?” was the child’s simple question. The man laughed softly.
“Well, I wouldn’t be much of a guardian angel if I didn’t know all about you now would I?”
“You’re an angel? For real? Where are your wings then” the boy said in challenge, his tears subsiding.
“Not all guardians have wings, I’ve got something else, it’s maybe too scary for you, but, if I’m gonna protect you and look out for you I need to look scary sometimes.”
“Show me, show me!” the child said, excitedly, “I won’t be scared, I’m nearly 5!” he told the man, proud of his age.
“Promise you won’t run away, cause I can look really scary, and cause I look so bad I can’t even see myself when I look in a mirror.”
“Nobody looks that bad mister, and you look OK now, nice, not scary. Go on -show me how bad you can look.” The stranger stuck his tongue out and crossed his eyes at the boy who giggled. “That wouldn’t scare Will even!” he laughed.
“Just testing ya there. You ready, really? You can touch if you want, cause like I said, I look scary but that’s so people would run away and not hurt you if I was there OK?” The little boy nodded his head and stared in wonder at the creature before him.
Its face had changed into a monster with long fangs and yellow eyes and ridges along its forehead. He reached out a hand and touched gently at the creatures face, he stroked the hard looking skin only to find it was really quite soft. The creature made a soft purring noise as the child stroked him.
“You do look scary” he said solemnly “but I know you won’t hurt me will you? You sound like a big kitty, and you’ve got kitty eyes too, just like Mrs Wilson’s ginger tom - he’s big and always fighting and dad say’s he’s gonna shoot him, but I hope he never does I hope ginger scratches him and makes him bleed” he said vehemently.
The stranger didn’t chastise the boy for badmouthing his dad, instead he hoped against hope that the cat would get his way. It would give him and the boy some small satisfaction. He let his features soften and return to human. The child was fascinated and reached up to touch the human features gently stroking the face of his protector with his child’s fingers.
“You got a softer face now, a nice face, but the other face, I like that too. Will you stay with me Angel?”
The stranger shuddered, “Please pet, don’t call me Angel, know somebody called that and we don’t get along at all, I’ll tell you bout him sometime.”
“Does he have wings?”
“No he doesn’t. He has a grumpy face and hair that doesn’t ever move and he’s a bit of a mono brow, a bit like Bert in fact, but not nearly as nice and kind. You’ll meet him one day, but you gotta be on your guard pet, don’t ever trust him. You remember that you think?” The child yawned, “Think so.”
“You can’t sleep out here pet, surely your mom wouldn’t let you.”
“Mom’s asleep, she’s had too much medicine and well, dad ……” the child shrugged his shoulders in a gesture of resignation; it didn’t sit well on one so young.
“Has this happened before pet?”
“A while ago and it was a nice night, I slept in the garage in dad’s car n snuck back in, in the morning.”
“We can sneak in the basement pet and sleep down there, there’s a window you can get thru and then you can let me in the door - that be OK?”
“This is an adventure isn’t it?” The little boy said excitement driving away his fatigue.
“It’s gonna last your whole life this adventure!” he told the little boy in a conspiratorial whisper.
“Wow!” he said in wonder. The boy managed to get in thru the small window and went and unbolted the basement door and waited for his guardian angel to come in.
“Pet, will you invite me in, that’s what a good polite boy would do, can you do that?”
“Please come in guardian angel” The demon stepped thru the door and closed it quietly behind him, his eyes adjusting to their yellow malevolent glare as darkness fell.
“Wow mister, that’s really neat, will my eyes ever do that?”
“Not if I can help it pet, now I know there’s an old couch down here and there should be some blankets to keep you warm.”
“Is that magic? That you know stuff like that, can you read minds? Can you see thru walls with X ray vision, Willow says you can’t do that but I think you can, Superman can - do you know him?” The stranger laughed quietly.
“No pet, me n Superman haven’t met, but if we ever do I’ll tell him all about you and how brave you are.” The boy seemed to swell at the praise.
“You will? Gee Jesse’d be so mad at me for that, does he have a guardian angel like you?”
“No pet, I’m sorry he doesn’t. You’re a very special boy and that’s why I’m keeping an eye on you. Now, come on, its way past bedtime. Can you sleep d’you think?”
“Uh hun” he nodded yawning. “Will you cuddle me and make that noise? Like the kitty?”
“Just for you Xander, just for you pet”
“Why d’you call me that pet thing? I’m not a puppy, a puppy’s a pet isn’t it? I want a puppy but not allowed, not fair” he stuck out his bottom lip petulantly.
“Can’t always have everything we want pet, and I call you pet cause I like you and where I used to live people called each other nice things like pet and luv and dear and munchkin!”
“Where’s that, cause you talk funny, I never heard anybody talk like you. Mister? What’s your name? Mom n Dad call me Alex, but you said Xander, only Will and Jesse call me Xander”
”Told you I know all about you pet, can’t tell you what I’m called, one day you’ll know, when you’re older, but for now, well, my real names’ Will too but nobody calls me it anymore, I think they’ve forgotten it.”
“Willow?”
“No pet, William, you can either call me Will or William, never Willy, cause again I know someone called Willy and he’s a weasel!”
“You’re so funny, I’ll call you William so I don’t get mixed up. William? Can you tell me a story while I go to sleep?”
“Of course pet, but Xander? In the morning I won’t be here when you wake up - will you be alright?” he asked worriedly.
“Sure William, but why not?”
“I can only do my guarding at night, in the day you’re safe from monster’s n stuff, but if ever anything tries to hurt you in the day, be sure n tell me so I can find em and scare em away.”
“I will William - will William, that’s funny” the child giggled.
William wrapped the boy in a blanket, he sat on the ratty old sofa with the boy safe in his arms and proceeded to tell him a story until he was sound asleep. For a long time all he did was gaze down at the child held in his protective embrace.
“If that bastard ever hurts you Xan, I’ll kill him with my bare hands, and it’ll take bloody days pet. How could he do this to you, oh baby, you’re only five years old, you poor little sod. I’ll take care of you pet, you see if I don’t. Gotta keep you safe and sound love.”
The child woke alone in the morning wondering if really he’d dreamt the guardian angel until he saw laid next to him a little piece of paper with ‘To Xan’ written on it and a picture of William with his fangs and ridges. Xander smiled happily and put the piece of paper in his pocket, looking forward to tonight when he hoped he’d see his William again. He was a special boy, he had a guardian! He wanted to remember to ask William what a shit was tho, it was something his dad called him a lot, he didn’t like it but didn’t know what it was. William was clever, he would know. He left the basement and sneaked a look round the front of the house, his Dad’s car was gone so he was safe to go inside.
When he went to bed the following night he wondered how William would be able to get to see him. It wasn’t dark when he was sent up to bed and he’d remembered that William said he could only come to see him in the dark. He would try and stay awake until it was dark. He opened his window to let the breeze in and waited. Before long he was asleep.
As soon as the sun set William was back, he sniffed the air around the house and where the smell was the strongest he knew his little boy would be. He easily managed the climb up to his window and clambered thru noiselessly. His little cherub was fast asleep in his bed, thumb hovering near his mouth. “Never took you for a thumbsucker pet” he said quietly, he bent and kissed the child softly on the forehead, happy to just watch him sleep. He stayed with him all night, content to be there, he heard his parents walk by the door as they went to bed, both sounded inebriated and William heaved a deep sigh.
They didn’t even bother to pop a head round the door to see if their son was alright.
What a pair of tossers. William had brought a pad and pencil with him and he drew a picture of Xander sleeping. His pictures weren’t that brilliant, not nearly as good as the broody one’s, but passable.
Xander was too young to read much apart from his name and possibly the letters of the alphabet, but he’d learn, William would teach him some, and it was a way for them to communicate too, pictures and then words. He tucked the notebook under his pillow, leaving it poking out so the boy would see it in the morning. Dawn wasn’t far off as he bent and kissed him again on his forehead, touched his face softly and left the way he came.
When Xander woke he was bitterly disappointed that he hadn’t managed to stay awake thinking that William couldn’t have gotten in without him, he turned angrily into his pillow only then noticing something under it. He pulled it out. It was a notebook and it had his name on it, he could read that and it said something else with a W, it might be Willow, he vaguely recognised some of the letters but on opening the book he knew it said William for there on the first page was a picture of him sleeping and William watching over him. He was really excited about it but sad that William didn’t wake him. He decided to hide the note book in his secret place and when he went to bed that night he would put it under his pillow. Wait till he saw Will, he was going to ask her to teach him to write some words, she was clever too, she could teach him.
William came into the house in the same way again that night and saw his boy asleep, the note pad jutting out from the pillow. He gently pulled it from underneath the sleeping boy and opened it. He turned over the first page and there on the second page in the most childlike scrawl were the words ‘wake up’. He assumed Xander wanted him to wake him. He would let the boy sleep and wake him an hour before dawn, which at this time of year was around 5.30am - give or take. He wrote in the book ‘William wake me up’, he also wrote ‘Help’ you never knew when it would come in handy. He drew another picture but from memory, of a grown up Xander. He missed him so much. He wrote ‘love’ underneath the picture and signed and dated it. If Xan kept this he would see it one day and know.
The clock crept far too quickly around to 5.30 William had wanted the night to last forever so he could watch over the sleeping form of the boy, he was pure innocence in sleep, more so than when awake. His fresh young face made younger in sleep. But when he woke and opened those shining pools of eyes, all bright and new and sparkling, like a window to his soul, he was a perfect child, a forerunner of the perfect adult to come.
William shook him gently awake “Xan, pet, wake up. It’s nearly morning, I have to go soon love.” The boy shook the sleep from himself and yawned and stretched, he saw William in the dim light from the street “William!! You’re here!!” he exclaimed.
“Shush pet, don’t wanna wake mom n dad do we?”
“Kay William, sorry. I got your picture did you see my writing? Willow showed me what to do, she helped me, it said Wake up” he said proudly.
“It did that love, and that’s why I did. I gotta go before the sun comes up, but we got some time. Did you like my note book, we can leave messages for each other if you want, our secret, well you can tell Will if you want and Jesse, but not mum n dad, they wouldn’t understand you having a guardian. That alright pet?”
“Mom n dad wouldn’t want to know, even if I tell em they say go away. William? What’s a little shit?” He knew why Xander was asking, how could he possibly tell him what it meant, it would destroy his boy.
He’d really love to eviscerate his Dad, but then where would that leave him, Xan wouldn’t be the boy he grew to love. He didn’t want to change things, just look after Xander.
“It’s something that people say when they’re cross and don’t know what else to say pet, now me, I say ‘bloody hell’ but I don’t want to hear that coming out of your mouth OK? And I can tell you now, you my precious boy, are not a little shit, you are a good brave and kind boy and your Dad doesn’t know that, in fact only me and Willow and maybe Jesse know, and even they don’t realise”.
Xander didn’t really understand what William was saying but he got that he thought he was brave and that’s all that mattered to him. William showed him some more letters and told him what words they made, he asked if Xander could practice them for him and the boy promised he would.
“Xan, it’s time for me to go now” William told him as he saw the sky lightening “I won’t be able to come and see you every night pet, sometimes I can’t get away, but you have our book and you can draw me pictures and you can write me words, and as you get bigger and older you can write me stories or tell me things that you’ve done or have happened and I can leave things for you too. Would you like that?”
“Sure William, are you going to guard me for ever?”
“All your life love”
”Wow William that’s long, more than twenty isn’t it?”
“Way more than twenty love” he told the child affectionately. Gotta go Xan, gimmie a hug pet and then go back to sleep yeah?” Xander hugged his guardian “Come back soon William” he said.
“Soon as I can pet, promise. Keep safe, oh n pet? Never tell mum and dad about me eh? They wouldn’t like somebody else looking out for you, they don’t know how special you are.”
“Promise William, you’re my secret guardian Angel. You real sure I can’t call you Angel - that’s cool”
“Never pet, and when you meet the poof you’ll know why!”
“Is poof a nice word too? Like pet?”
“Not really pet, it’s a word that’s not nasty and not nice kinda in between, when I say it it’s not nasty, but if say your dad said it, it would be nasty. Its something to talk about another time, now I really gotta go love kay?” he started heading for the window.
“Be careful William, see you tonite, will you tell me a story?”
“Anything you want pet, go back to sleep, hide your book, see you tonight. Sleep!” he ordered. Xander giggled and snuggled down into his bed, he hid his book under his pillow vowing to hide it in the secret place in the morning. William hightailed it to the nearest sewer entrance, if he could he’d be back tonight, and the next night and the next.
William managed to see Xander every night for the whole week. He told him stories and taught him to write words, they drew pictures and talked about anything and everything. Xander told him all about his life, what he and Will and Jesse did, how he liked his pre-school and how he would be going to real school soon. He was excited and a bit scared. William said it was a piece of cake, he’d make new friends learn new things and it would be fine.
If he missed a night Xander would have drawn a picture or tried to write a word or two, William always appreciated it. He missed one night but then came back for then next three weeks. The pair of them got on like a house on fire, Xander looked forward so much to William’s visits, his parents took no notice of him but William encouraged him and nurtured him which was what every young child needed.
Xander knew that sometimes William couldn’t get to see him and he missed a few nights which turned into a few weeks and then a few months. Xander was heartbroken that his guardian seemed to have forgotten him. He still wrote in his book and drew his child like pictures. He started school and that took his interest, he did make new friends but still he, Will and Jesse were inseparable.
His mom n dad took no interest in Xander’s schooling, glad to have him out from under their feet. He eventually gave up telling them about his school day.
Every morning he would look in his notebook to see if William had been, but for months nothing appeared. He started to write in the book “Miss you” and “Come back”. One morning he woke and looked in the book and to his joy there were words that he hadn’t written, it said “Miss you too pet”. It gave him a warm glow for the whole day, and when he got home that night he took his book and wrote in it “Wake me up William” in his neatest handwriting. He went to bed that night and left his window open, he really tried to stay awake but again he fell asleep.
William climbed thru the window to see his boy fast asleep with the notebook poking out from under the pillow. He pulled it out and read the message. It gave him a happy feeling to know he’d been missed. He couldn’t wait to talk to Xander so he gently shook him awake. Xander knew whose hand was shaking him awake and his little face lit up as he saw William. “I’ve missed you so much William, where did you go? Have you got another boy to guard is that it?”
“No love, just you, but you need guarding in different places at different times” he told him. Xander reached up and hugged him tight, William held him close loving the innocent trust the boy placed in him, the affection he showed him. William and Xander chatted for an hour or so until William heard his parents coming to bed he shushed the boy until he heard them pass the door. Xander looked at the door and then back at William with a sad look on his face.
“William why can’t you be my Daddy, you love me more n my dad, you don’t hit me and you’re not mean. Why can’t you, we can run away to your house, can we William?” William sighed, it was true he loved this boy, he loved him in a different way to the man he would become but nevertheless he loved him more than life and he’d like nothing more than to take him away from his uncaring family.
“It doesn’t work that way pet, it would be wrong for me to take you away and as much as I want to you gotta stay here, but I will be here for you, maybe not every night, or even every week, but I’ll always come back, and bein your Daddy? Keep asking love, you never know one day I might say yes. But now you need to go back to sleep, I’ll stay till morning and I’ll tell you a story about a girl who’s the bravest girl in the world and she protects people from monsters, kay?”
“Cool, has she got a brave bother who does that too?”
“No pet, just a boy like you who she loves like a brother but he’s brave and true, and they and their friends save the world - a lot.”
Xander went to sleep and dreamed of a world where he and Willow and another brave faceless girl were superheroes saving the helpless and destroying evil. William kissed his boy again and tucked his blanket around his shoulders. “Love you pet” he whispered, “Stay safe” and he left as the sun lightened the sky.
William came back the next night and the next and Xander was happy, he had William, someone who was a grown up who cared about him and listened to him and took notice and loved him like a parent should no matter that he wasn’t a parent or ever would be.
William tried hard to explain that sometimes it was difficult for him to come and see him, Xander seemed to understand but William knew if he didn’t turn up for a long period it would hurt and upset the boy. His time with Xander came in fits and starts but he managed to see him on his birthday and Xander was overjoyed. William brought him lots of books all about superheroes, all with pictures and Xander loved them, he made William write in each book and leave a different message in each. He treasured the books and although he couldn’t read well yet he could work out what was happening from the pictures. Xander had saved a piece of cake especially for William and he watched whist he ate it. It was his favourite, chocolate cake, and Will’s mom had made it for him. Xander had told Will and Jesse about his guardian angel but they were disinclined to believe him and Willow especially thought he made him up. Even at such a young age Will knew Xander had an unhappy home life, she thought if she wasn’t happy she’d have an imaginary friend but a girl angel.
Xander swore on his life that William was real but still they just said yeah and nodded. Xander gave up, he knew his William was real and that’s all he cared about.
Over the next couple of years William saw Xander grow into a confident young boy, he saw him about as much as he didn’t, if he missed a week or a month he’d try his damndest to make it up and stay the same amount of time he’d missed.
It was just after Xander’s eighth birthday, William came by to find Xander missing. His parents were there but not Xan. He was worried, but not unduly. He decided to play safe, it had just turned dark and he went to Willow’s house, knocked on the door and luckily for him Willow answered.
“Hey Red, er Willow, I’m William. You know where Xander is?” The eight year old Willow looked at William in shock realising that Xander hadn’t made up this person and that here he was.
“He’s in- in hospital, he b-broke his arm and they said he should stay there. You’re real!” she said.
“Course, but you should try n forget you saw me pet. Hospital then. Bye Will, go inside you’ll be safe there” he said turning on his heel he strode off to the hospital to see his boy.
Once there he went to the children’ ward and said he was Xander’s uncle visiting from England, the nurse was a bit iffy but Xander had heard the raised voice of William and came out of his room “William” he whispered, William heard and turning saw a very pale small frightened boy.
“Oh pet, how’d you do that? Fall out of a tree?” William knew as soon as there was no forthcoming answer what might have happened. He growled low in his throat and his eyes flashed yellow, Xander saw, and sobbing threw himself at William.
“I w-was so sc-scared, and he h-hurt me William, it was daylight and, and he shouldn’t b-be a monster. Take me away William, p-please can I come with
y-you.”
“Oh pet, I’m so sorry, so bloody sorry.” He held the boy tight to him willing his pain and fright to leave. “Come on pet, which is your bed” he asked picking him up in is arms. The nurse seeing how well his Uncle was with her charge allowed him to take Xander back to his bed, poor little kid’s parents hadn’t been near nor by. William tucked Xander back into his bed, and asked his question.
“Was it your Dad?” Xander nodded his head, tears dripping down his face.
”Can you tell me what happened?”
“I was playing inside and he came home and I turned round quick and knocked over a vase and it spilled water on his trousers, he, he just looked at them and then me and he got h-hold of me by my arm, I tried to get away William, b-but he th-threw me and I hit the wall and fell over and down the step, I heard a snap and then, then, oh Will, it hurt so much I couldn’t get up cause my arm was under me. Mom brought me and said I fell on the step and trapped my arm under me, she wanted me to stay here so they said yes” he came to the end of his story, all the time he’d spoken William had grown more and more angry.
“He won’t hurt you again pet, I promise you, might be mean and nasty but he wont lay a finger on you.” He reassured the boy.
“Be my Daddy William?”
“Much as I want to say yes pet, now’s not the right time. I’m too angry with your real Dad, and how could your mum allow this to happen.” He seethed and almost as an after thought he said “Oh, yeah, met Willow”
“You did, now she knows you’re real” this seemed to cheer Xander up no end. “Will you write on my plaster William?”
Course pet, what d’you want me to put?”
“William, Guardian Angel, please”
”You got it pet” he wrote in his neatest hand and drew a little fanged face next to it which made Xander snigger. William said he had to go see the nurse a minute and went out to the desk. He asked how long Xander would be in and she told him he would be released tomorrow. William asked if he’d been admitted before and the nurse said no, it wasn’t on his records. Satisfied he went back to Xander. He told him a story and said he’d stay a while, but he had something to see to and couldn’t stay till morning. Xander fell asleep, William kissed his forehead, tucked him up and left.
Anyone out on the street seeing him avoided him, he was a man with a purpose, and his mission was revenge.
He arrived at Xander’s house and knocked on the door. Harris senior came to the door, stinking of drink, he told William to ‘take a hike faggot’ but William pushed past him and shut the door holding him by the throat. Harris knew this was serious, he started to try and bluster his way out of whatever trouble he was in. William didn’t give him a chance.
“You piece of filth. Break your own flesh and blood’s arm would you just cos he wet yer pants. Bet if I squeeze yer neck I could make ya wet yer own pants, but I don’t think I’m gonna do that.” He took hold of Harris senior’s pinkie and snapped it. Harris screamed but William held his hand over his mouth to muffle the sound. He went on to break all the fingers and thumb on his right hand. By the time they were all broken he had wet his own pants.
“Listen and listen good. You ever touch that kid again or get anyone else to hurt him, I’ll come back and you’ll think this was a fuckin picnic. You understand?” Harris sobbed and nodded, William threw him down.
“Tell the boy you had an accident at work if he asks. If he finds out it was me, he might, well, just don’t tell him. I’ll know if you do. Don’t think I won’t keep my promise if anything happens to him. There are worse things than death, I can keep you alive a long, long time in the most abject pain and utter misery. I’ve had a lot of practice. And I’d really, really enjoy seeing you suffer. People think I’m evil, spose I am being a monster n all, but you -you’ve no excuse. Hell’s too good a place for you.” As an after thought he added “Better get them fingers seen to pretty soon, don’t want em turning funny” he left the same way he came in closing the door softly.
William came back the next night to se Xander, he crept in and woke him up, the boy was again overjoyed to see him.
He told him his dad had hurt his hand, but as he was telling him William could see the cogs turning.
“William, did - did you do it?” he blurted out in a rush.
“What ever gave you that impression pet?” he asked innocently.
“I know you did, you said tell me if anyone was horrid to me in the day and you’d get em, and you did didn’t you?”
“How would you feel Xan if I said I did?” he asked him hesitantly. The boy gave his question a lot of thought, William could see him struggle with his emotions. Finally he said “I don’t feel anything - why? I’m not sad or mad, just ….. nothing.”
“What if it was me with the hurt hand, how would you feel then?” William knew he shouldn’t but he wanted to know the depth of Xander’s feelings, would he be bothered about him? Again he thought long and hard, he crept closer to William and buried his face in his guardian’s chest and in a muffled voice said “Don’t want to think about it”.
Well it wasn’t exactly the answer he wanted, he ruffled Xander’s hair “C’mon pet, let’s read some more stories from your Star Trek book.”
“Don’t want you to get hurt” he said quietly.
“Not gonna pet, so don’t let it bother ya. Now, didn’t we get to ‘The trouble with tribbles?’ Shall I read n you listen or d’you wanna read?”
“You read” he said happily, so William read all about the furry little blighters and the trouble they caused. When he finished the story William told Xander to go back to sleep and he’d stay till morning.
“Tuck me in?” he asked.
“As if I wouldn’t pet!” Impulsively Xander reached up and put his arms around William’s neck and kissed him “Love you William”. He watched for William’s reaction hoping he hadn’t done wrong but all he saw was William’s eyes go all glassy as if he was going to cry.
“Was that wrong, have I made you sad?”
“No pet, I love you too and you make me very happy. Now go to sleep like a good boy”. William sat and watched Xander sleep and ponder on how a child so wonderful could have a father that was so immune to his charm, his infectious happy nature and his enthusiasm in all things.
Life could be a real bitch sometimes.
Xander was never hurt by his father again, in fact Harris Senior distanced himself so much from Xander he sometimes thought his dad didn’t even know he was there. It didn’t bother him, he had William after all who loved him and cared for him like a real dad.
Over the years Xander’s feelings for Will never wavered, yes they had cross words and disagreed but they always made up and parted amicably. As he grew from a boy to a young man William taught Xander about the place he lived in, about how unsafe it was and why it was unsafe. He taught him how to fight, how to stake a vampire, other deterrents he could use. He taught him about demons, the good and the bad, in fact Xander was a very knowledgeable boy on all things evil by the time he went to high school.
William also told him about the Slayer, saying she would be coming to live in Sunnydale soon, and how they would be friends, but he hadn’t to let on about what he knew or his fighting skills. There was something else he had to tell Xander and this would be hard, he eventually worked himself up to it one night when they were out.
Xander knew there was something wrong by the way William kept fiddling with his zippo and smoking too much, he knew he’d tell him when he was good and ready though. He always got round to stuff.
“Xan? You, what, 15 now? So, known ya for 10 years. Long time that pet innit?”
“Sure is my bleached protector” he quipped.
“Never told ya lies have I pet, always been honest, always looked out for ya.”
“William, what’s wrong? Oh. My. God!! This is it isn’t it? You’re going to leave, I’ve had my allotted time, that slayer’s coming and she’s gonna protect me isn’t she? No! I want you, you can’t go, William, you can’t ever leave me, ever cause I - I - you just fucking can’t leave me!” Xander babbled, his worst fear coming to the fore. William took hold of his arms and held him firm.
“I - am - not - leaving - you. Got that pet?” Xander nodded his shoulders slumped, his head dropped to his chest, clearly relieved.
“But more to the point pet, why can’t I ever leave you?” he asked softly, needing to know the reason, hoping he already knew.
Xander squirmed, he didn’t want to say a thing to William, he’d felt strange around him for a while now and then he’d started having dreams, disturbing dreams, about William.
He’d always thought of William as a father figure, but for the past year or so his feelings had undergone a drastic change. Sure, he loved him, with all his heart, but that love had undergone a radical change in direction. He no longer thought of William as his father, he thought of him as something much more intimate.
He couldn’t tell William, he really couldn’t, he’d never trust him again, and he’d never touch him, and he would think he was sick and filthy, and he’d hate him.
That’s what his dad thought about people like that, he’d heard his opinion on the so called faggots on TV often enough to know.
How could he possibly tell William his feelings?
“Come on pet, tell me, you know you can tell me anything Xander. Absolutely anything.”
No he couldn’t tell him this.
He looked up at Williams face, how he’d come to love looking at it, he wanted to touch it now, to kiss those pale lips, to feel his arms holding him tight, to feel his body pressed against his and to feel the bulge of his - no, can’t go there, no siree, not no way, uhn hun. William was caught unprepared as the waft of pheromones came off Xander, he inhaled deeply, his eyes changing to yellow, he waited for Xander to speak.
“Tell me pet, please?”
“No reason William, I just would miss you is all”
“Liar. Xander I know you’d miss me but that’s not it. I want you to tell me, I need you to tell me. Please?”
“Nothing to tell” he insisted.
“I’ll say how I feel then OK?” Xander nodded.
“I’ve loved you pet, since before I met you crying on the grass when you were five years old. I knew all about you cause I already knew you, time paradox pet, alternate or parallel universe stuff, but I loved you before. It changed for me when I met you as a little boy, still loved you, but different, not a pervert. My bloody unbeating heart went out to you, such a brave little sod. Now tho, it’s changed again. I want you Xan, I love you and I hope the reason you don’t ever want me to go is cause you feel the same. Is it pet?”
William waited for it to sink in, he would give Xander time, all the time he wanted or needed. Xander was stunned by William’s confession. How could there be another him? Was William a time traveller? But, the thing that was upper most in his mind was that he loved him, like Xander wanted him to. He couldn’t speak. Couldn’t think properly, all he realised was he loved him. It changed everything.
Xander leaned into William and just held him, his firm body moulding to his own, feeling arms wrapping around his back, he was loved, and he loved in return. He felt cool lips on his cheek and turned his head, his eyes closed as he felt those same cool lips close over his own, gently pressing against him, Xander parted his lips slightly and William’s tongue sought entry. Soft and gentle, moving over his lips, tangling tongues, no urgency, no lust, achingly tender and loving, William kissed the untainted and inexperienced mouth of the boy he had loved for what seemed like all of his existence. Reluctantly pulling away from him so he could breath, Xander knew wonder.
Is it always like that?”
“No love, it’s never been like that before, and it never will be again. That was our first kiss - this time, and it was nothing like our first kiss last time. I love you so much Xander. You are my life. But there are things I have to tell you. Will you listen?” Xander was still trying to get over The Kiss. Not that he wanted to get over it, he wanted to re-live it.
“Can we do that again?”
“Love! You got to concentrate here. Listen to me then we can, but it won’t be as good as that one, no, that’s the wrong word - memorable’s the right word, not good cause every kiss with you is good”
“Promise I’ll listen, then we can get with the tongue action?” William sighed, he was sorely tempted to just throw Xan down and shag him, but he wasn’t the same vampire he used to be, and this was a boy who had so recently (to him) been a 5 year old child. Plus even tho he did want him, it was wrong, he was too young, he needed time, he needed age and maturity and now certainly wasn’t the right time. He shuddered at the thought.
“Right love, the thing is, the slayer is coming to town, hot on her heels is Angel” he shuddered at the thought.
“Oh, yeah, the broody one, tell me again why we don’t like him?”
“Xander, I don’t like him cause he’s a git and my Sire and You should never ever trust him. Understand?” he nodded.
“Right then, so after they arrive a while later I turn up” Xander brightened. “But I won’t be ‘me’ me if you see what I mean”. Xander did, he’d watched enough sci-fi to know all about time and how screwed up things could become because of it.
“So the you that’s coming is a you from before the time you met me?”
“Got it love, and cause of that he won’t know you from Adam, well he won’t know you at all, and he’s mean Xan, god is he mean, so you - Stay Away. He’s not the kind old bugger I am and he’d drink a tasty treat like you down in one with no regrets. And I for one do not want that to happen. Don’t try to charm him, it won’t work, oh yeah. And for god’s sake watch out for Dru. She may be nuttier than a fruit cake but she is dangerous.”
”Fruit cake doesn’t have nuts!” William sighed, sometimes his boy could be very obtuse.
“So I have to stay away from you and this Dru, who is she?”
“She’s the one that made me what I am today pet, she killed me and made me live again, but she was barmy and couldn’t look after me and teach me so Angel, the tosser, did it for her.”
“Did you love her?” he was jealous.
“Pet, we were together for 100 years, course I bloody loved her, looked after her cause she couldn’t do it herself, more like a nanny in the end” he said wistfully, remembering the happy times with his Dru.
“You gotta be prepared, and don’t ever, ever let on about me.”
“Why William, why did you come back to look after me?” Now here was the $64K question, and he was damned if he was going to tell the truth, he’d have to hedge or just tell him he couldn’t tell him.
“Can’t actually tell you love, don’t wanna have to change time, don’t want to risk losing you, but you’re gonna be fine now the slayer’s coming along, but that doesn’t mean I won’t still try to get back and check on you.” Xander was satisfied that he wasn’t being left in the lurch. He understood the time thing, and if William thought he was going to leave the William who didn’t know him alone, well he was as barmy as that Dru woman! He ran all the new information around in his head, he was still worried as to why William had come back to look out for him, maybe something bad had happened, or maybe he just couldn’t get enough of him. He hoped it was the latter.
William hadn’t let go of him all the time he’d been speaking, Xander had found it safe and comforting and also a massive turn on to be held so close by another man.
William obviously realised just how turned on Xander was by the enticing smell wafting off him. He was sure as hell not going to go any further than kissing.
Sure.
Completely.
100%.
He would hold firm and not be swayed.
“Will, can we kiss some more?” It was so hard trying to resist that innocent face and those soft, almost child’s lips, so he of course gave in. He loved kissing his boy anytime, any place, anywhere, no matter how inappropriate! Xander thoroughly enjoyed the kissing experience, he was a very quick learner, as William knew only too well. The kisses were soft and loving, none of the hard demanding needy kisses William loved to get from Xander, no they were a long way off, he was content now to be loved and kissed.
Xander soon started to let his hands roam over William’s body, and once he realised what was happening he pulled abruptly away.
“Wh- what’s wrong Will?”
“Nothin pet, it’s just you were aiming for more than kisses and I don’t want you to do that yet, you’re not ready. You’ve got a lot of things to experience. You may well love me, but you actually like girls too, and I’m not going to ruin you for them, you’ve a long life in front of you pet, and there’s plenty of time for you n me. Your still very much a child love - I don’t mean that in a nasty way, I just don’t want you growing up too quick; appreciate being a teenager, learn to know your body and other people’s, not just mine. I want you Xan, but for your own good I’m not gonna have you. Yet.”
Xander didn’t really understand - he wanted Will and he really didn’t welcome being told he was still a child, adults and especially adult vampires were an odd bunch. He had really liked the feel of Wills firm ass and as he pressed it to him the bulge in the front of his pants, oh yeah, he’d be having baaaad dreams tonight! Make no mistake!
“It’s new, and I want you, it’s as simple as that Will, you might think I’m too young, but I don’t. This doesn’t mean I’ll stop trying”
“I know love, but trust me, I know it sounds trite, but it really is for your own good. And now young man, I think it’s time for your beauty sleep, or to rest those overactive brain cells if nothing else!”
“OK - daddy!” Xander didn’t know what he’d done but all of a sudden there was a tongue in his mouth forcing him to submit, he did gladly, he nearly came in his shorts at the onslaught. As suddenly as it started it stopped. William regained control of himself, but his eyes were the colour of amber and he’d cut Xander’s lip with his fangs. He bent and delicately lapped at the cuts he’d made, and once they had stopped bleeding and the wound had closed he lightly kissed them.
“I’m sorry love. I just got a little carried away. I haven’t said I’d be your dad and you shouldn’t call me it”
”Wow, is that what did it? Is there some strange kind of magical daddy word or something? Cool!”
“Xan love, you have no idea pet, there’s such a lot I don’t want you to know, not for a long, long time, now, none of your procrastinating, bugger off home and get some kip!”
“I so love you William, and now I’m really glad you are absolutely no relation whatsoever to me, cause that would be just like - Gross!!! Ewwww!” William laughed at Xander’s show of distaste, he was so pure and innocent, so good and wholesome, he hoped he’d stay that way, and, unless anything untoward happened he knew he would.
Pairing: The only one that matters S/X
Warnings: m/m relationship
Disclaimer: None of it belongs to me, I make no money
Rating: PG 13
Summary: Spike is protecting Xander from his early childhood but why?
The child sat alone on the grass in front of his house. His body was bent over and his little shoulders were shaking silently. He couldn’t have been more than 5 and he shouldn’t have been out alone at this time of night. He should have been tucked up in his bed with his teddy like all well looked after little boys, wearing his pj’s with airplanes or superman on them.
Through his tears he could see the blurred outline of two scuffed back boots standing in front of him, and looking up, he realised he was no longer alone and before him stood a stranger.
A man, and the man bent down to the child’s level and looked at his sad little face, the tears tracking down his cheeks. He reached out to the child’s face and with his thumb he gently wiped away the tears. The child looked at him without fear, surprised at the kindness of this stranger.
“You shouldn’t be out here all alone at night. Things happen. Why aren’t you fast asleep in your bed?” he asked the child tenderly.
“I w-was naughty and Dad smacked me and said I was a-a stupid little sh-shit and I sh-should be punished. H-he took B-Bert n Ernie and h-he b-burned them.” The child started to sob in earnest for the loss of Bert and Ernie.
“Come here little man and let me tell you a story, let me take those tears away. I’m not gonna hurt you, I’d never do that, come here and let me make you warm and safe” he said in a persuasive voice.
“W-Will said not to talk to strangers” he told him.
“Willow’s right, she’s a clever girl and you should listen to her. But, I’m not a stranger, I know you, I know your name, your birthday, who your mum n dad are, I know Willow and Jesse, I know you like pizza - double pepperoni, oh pet, I know nearly everything there is to know about you.”
“How, how d’you know I like double pepperoni?” was the child’s simple question. The man laughed softly.
“Well, I wouldn’t be much of a guardian angel if I didn’t know all about you now would I?”
“You’re an angel? For real? Where are your wings then” the boy said in challenge, his tears subsiding.
“Not all guardians have wings, I’ve got something else, it’s maybe too scary for you, but, if I’m gonna protect you and look out for you I need to look scary sometimes.”
“Show me, show me!” the child said, excitedly, “I won’t be scared, I’m nearly 5!” he told the man, proud of his age.
“Promise you won’t run away, cause I can look really scary, and cause I look so bad I can’t even see myself when I look in a mirror.”
“Nobody looks that bad mister, and you look OK now, nice, not scary. Go on -show me how bad you can look.” The stranger stuck his tongue out and crossed his eyes at the boy who giggled. “That wouldn’t scare Will even!” he laughed.
“Just testing ya there. You ready, really? You can touch if you want, cause like I said, I look scary but that’s so people would run away and not hurt you if I was there OK?” The little boy nodded his head and stared in wonder at the creature before him.
Its face had changed into a monster with long fangs and yellow eyes and ridges along its forehead. He reached out a hand and touched gently at the creatures face, he stroked the hard looking skin only to find it was really quite soft. The creature made a soft purring noise as the child stroked him.
“You do look scary” he said solemnly “but I know you won’t hurt me will you? You sound like a big kitty, and you’ve got kitty eyes too, just like Mrs Wilson’s ginger tom - he’s big and always fighting and dad say’s he’s gonna shoot him, but I hope he never does I hope ginger scratches him and makes him bleed” he said vehemently.
The stranger didn’t chastise the boy for badmouthing his dad, instead he hoped against hope that the cat would get his way. It would give him and the boy some small satisfaction. He let his features soften and return to human. The child was fascinated and reached up to touch the human features gently stroking the face of his protector with his child’s fingers.
“You got a softer face now, a nice face, but the other face, I like that too. Will you stay with me Angel?”
The stranger shuddered, “Please pet, don’t call me Angel, know somebody called that and we don’t get along at all, I’ll tell you bout him sometime.”
“Does he have wings?”
“No he doesn’t. He has a grumpy face and hair that doesn’t ever move and he’s a bit of a mono brow, a bit like Bert in fact, but not nearly as nice and kind. You’ll meet him one day, but you gotta be on your guard pet, don’t ever trust him. You remember that you think?” The child yawned, “Think so.”
“You can’t sleep out here pet, surely your mom wouldn’t let you.”
“Mom’s asleep, she’s had too much medicine and well, dad ……” the child shrugged his shoulders in a gesture of resignation; it didn’t sit well on one so young.
“Has this happened before pet?”
“A while ago and it was a nice night, I slept in the garage in dad’s car n snuck back in, in the morning.”
“We can sneak in the basement pet and sleep down there, there’s a window you can get thru and then you can let me in the door - that be OK?”
“This is an adventure isn’t it?” The little boy said excitement driving away his fatigue.
“It’s gonna last your whole life this adventure!” he told the little boy in a conspiratorial whisper.
“Wow!” he said in wonder. The boy managed to get in thru the small window and went and unbolted the basement door and waited for his guardian angel to come in.
“Pet, will you invite me in, that’s what a good polite boy would do, can you do that?”
“Please come in guardian angel” The demon stepped thru the door and closed it quietly behind him, his eyes adjusting to their yellow malevolent glare as darkness fell.
“Wow mister, that’s really neat, will my eyes ever do that?”
“Not if I can help it pet, now I know there’s an old couch down here and there should be some blankets to keep you warm.”
“Is that magic? That you know stuff like that, can you read minds? Can you see thru walls with X ray vision, Willow says you can’t do that but I think you can, Superman can - do you know him?” The stranger laughed quietly.
“No pet, me n Superman haven’t met, but if we ever do I’ll tell him all about you and how brave you are.” The boy seemed to swell at the praise.
“You will? Gee Jesse’d be so mad at me for that, does he have a guardian angel like you?”
“No pet, I’m sorry he doesn’t. You’re a very special boy and that’s why I’m keeping an eye on you. Now, come on, its way past bedtime. Can you sleep d’you think?”
“Uh hun” he nodded yawning. “Will you cuddle me and make that noise? Like the kitty?”
“Just for you Xander, just for you pet”
“Why d’you call me that pet thing? I’m not a puppy, a puppy’s a pet isn’t it? I want a puppy but not allowed, not fair” he stuck out his bottom lip petulantly.
“Can’t always have everything we want pet, and I call you pet cause I like you and where I used to live people called each other nice things like pet and luv and dear and munchkin!”
“Where’s that, cause you talk funny, I never heard anybody talk like you. Mister? What’s your name? Mom n Dad call me Alex, but you said Xander, only Will and Jesse call me Xander”
”Told you I know all about you pet, can’t tell you what I’m called, one day you’ll know, when you’re older, but for now, well, my real names’ Will too but nobody calls me it anymore, I think they’ve forgotten it.”
“Willow?”
“No pet, William, you can either call me Will or William, never Willy, cause again I know someone called Willy and he’s a weasel!”
“You’re so funny, I’ll call you William so I don’t get mixed up. William? Can you tell me a story while I go to sleep?”
“Of course pet, but Xander? In the morning I won’t be here when you wake up - will you be alright?” he asked worriedly.
“Sure William, but why not?”
“I can only do my guarding at night, in the day you’re safe from monster’s n stuff, but if ever anything tries to hurt you in the day, be sure n tell me so I can find em and scare em away.”
“I will William - will William, that’s funny” the child giggled.
William wrapped the boy in a blanket, he sat on the ratty old sofa with the boy safe in his arms and proceeded to tell him a story until he was sound asleep. For a long time all he did was gaze down at the child held in his protective embrace.
“If that bastard ever hurts you Xan, I’ll kill him with my bare hands, and it’ll take bloody days pet. How could he do this to you, oh baby, you’re only five years old, you poor little sod. I’ll take care of you pet, you see if I don’t. Gotta keep you safe and sound love.”
The child woke alone in the morning wondering if really he’d dreamt the guardian angel until he saw laid next to him a little piece of paper with ‘To Xan’ written on it and a picture of William with his fangs and ridges. Xander smiled happily and put the piece of paper in his pocket, looking forward to tonight when he hoped he’d see his William again. He was a special boy, he had a guardian! He wanted to remember to ask William what a shit was tho, it was something his dad called him a lot, he didn’t like it but didn’t know what it was. William was clever, he would know. He left the basement and sneaked a look round the front of the house, his Dad’s car was gone so he was safe to go inside.
When he went to bed the following night he wondered how William would be able to get to see him. It wasn’t dark when he was sent up to bed and he’d remembered that William said he could only come to see him in the dark. He would try and stay awake until it was dark. He opened his window to let the breeze in and waited. Before long he was asleep.
As soon as the sun set William was back, he sniffed the air around the house and where the smell was the strongest he knew his little boy would be. He easily managed the climb up to his window and clambered thru noiselessly. His little cherub was fast asleep in his bed, thumb hovering near his mouth. “Never took you for a thumbsucker pet” he said quietly, he bent and kissed the child softly on the forehead, happy to just watch him sleep. He stayed with him all night, content to be there, he heard his parents walk by the door as they went to bed, both sounded inebriated and William heaved a deep sigh.
They didn’t even bother to pop a head round the door to see if their son was alright.
What a pair of tossers. William had brought a pad and pencil with him and he drew a picture of Xander sleeping. His pictures weren’t that brilliant, not nearly as good as the broody one’s, but passable.
Xander was too young to read much apart from his name and possibly the letters of the alphabet, but he’d learn, William would teach him some, and it was a way for them to communicate too, pictures and then words. He tucked the notebook under his pillow, leaving it poking out so the boy would see it in the morning. Dawn wasn’t far off as he bent and kissed him again on his forehead, touched his face softly and left the way he came.
When Xander woke he was bitterly disappointed that he hadn’t managed to stay awake thinking that William couldn’t have gotten in without him, he turned angrily into his pillow only then noticing something under it. He pulled it out. It was a notebook and it had his name on it, he could read that and it said something else with a W, it might be Willow, he vaguely recognised some of the letters but on opening the book he knew it said William for there on the first page was a picture of him sleeping and William watching over him. He was really excited about it but sad that William didn’t wake him. He decided to hide the note book in his secret place and when he went to bed that night he would put it under his pillow. Wait till he saw Will, he was going to ask her to teach him to write some words, she was clever too, she could teach him.
William came into the house in the same way again that night and saw his boy asleep, the note pad jutting out from the pillow. He gently pulled it from underneath the sleeping boy and opened it. He turned over the first page and there on the second page in the most childlike scrawl were the words ‘wake up’. He assumed Xander wanted him to wake him. He would let the boy sleep and wake him an hour before dawn, which at this time of year was around 5.30am - give or take. He wrote in the book ‘William wake me up’, he also wrote ‘Help’ you never knew when it would come in handy. He drew another picture but from memory, of a grown up Xander. He missed him so much. He wrote ‘love’ underneath the picture and signed and dated it. If Xan kept this he would see it one day and know.
The clock crept far too quickly around to 5.30 William had wanted the night to last forever so he could watch over the sleeping form of the boy, he was pure innocence in sleep, more so than when awake. His fresh young face made younger in sleep. But when he woke and opened those shining pools of eyes, all bright and new and sparkling, like a window to his soul, he was a perfect child, a forerunner of the perfect adult to come.
William shook him gently awake “Xan, pet, wake up. It’s nearly morning, I have to go soon love.” The boy shook the sleep from himself and yawned and stretched, he saw William in the dim light from the street “William!! You’re here!!” he exclaimed.
“Shush pet, don’t wanna wake mom n dad do we?”
“Kay William, sorry. I got your picture did you see my writing? Willow showed me what to do, she helped me, it said Wake up” he said proudly.
“It did that love, and that’s why I did. I gotta go before the sun comes up, but we got some time. Did you like my note book, we can leave messages for each other if you want, our secret, well you can tell Will if you want and Jesse, but not mum n dad, they wouldn’t understand you having a guardian. That alright pet?”
“Mom n dad wouldn’t want to know, even if I tell em they say go away. William? What’s a little shit?” He knew why Xander was asking, how could he possibly tell him what it meant, it would destroy his boy.
He’d really love to eviscerate his Dad, but then where would that leave him, Xan wouldn’t be the boy he grew to love. He didn’t want to change things, just look after Xander.
“It’s something that people say when they’re cross and don’t know what else to say pet, now me, I say ‘bloody hell’ but I don’t want to hear that coming out of your mouth OK? And I can tell you now, you my precious boy, are not a little shit, you are a good brave and kind boy and your Dad doesn’t know that, in fact only me and Willow and maybe Jesse know, and even they don’t realise”.
Xander didn’t really understand what William was saying but he got that he thought he was brave and that’s all that mattered to him. William showed him some more letters and told him what words they made, he asked if Xander could practice them for him and the boy promised he would.
“Xan, it’s time for me to go now” William told him as he saw the sky lightening “I won’t be able to come and see you every night pet, sometimes I can’t get away, but you have our book and you can draw me pictures and you can write me words, and as you get bigger and older you can write me stories or tell me things that you’ve done or have happened and I can leave things for you too. Would you like that?”
“Sure William, are you going to guard me for ever?”
“All your life love”
”Wow William that’s long, more than twenty isn’t it?”
“Way more than twenty love” he told the child affectionately. Gotta go Xan, gimmie a hug pet and then go back to sleep yeah?” Xander hugged his guardian “Come back soon William” he said.
“Soon as I can pet, promise. Keep safe, oh n pet? Never tell mum and dad about me eh? They wouldn’t like somebody else looking out for you, they don’t know how special you are.”
“Promise William, you’re my secret guardian Angel. You real sure I can’t call you Angel - that’s cool”
“Never pet, and when you meet the poof you’ll know why!”
“Is poof a nice word too? Like pet?”
“Not really pet, it’s a word that’s not nasty and not nice kinda in between, when I say it it’s not nasty, but if say your dad said it, it would be nasty. Its something to talk about another time, now I really gotta go love kay?” he started heading for the window.
“Be careful William, see you tonite, will you tell me a story?”
“Anything you want pet, go back to sleep, hide your book, see you tonight. Sleep!” he ordered. Xander giggled and snuggled down into his bed, he hid his book under his pillow vowing to hide it in the secret place in the morning. William hightailed it to the nearest sewer entrance, if he could he’d be back tonight, and the next night and the next.
William managed to see Xander every night for the whole week. He told him stories and taught him to write words, they drew pictures and talked about anything and everything. Xander told him all about his life, what he and Will and Jesse did, how he liked his pre-school and how he would be going to real school soon. He was excited and a bit scared. William said it was a piece of cake, he’d make new friends learn new things and it would be fine.
If he missed a night Xander would have drawn a picture or tried to write a word or two, William always appreciated it. He missed one night but then came back for then next three weeks. The pair of them got on like a house on fire, Xander looked forward so much to William’s visits, his parents took no notice of him but William encouraged him and nurtured him which was what every young child needed.
Xander knew that sometimes William couldn’t get to see him and he missed a few nights which turned into a few weeks and then a few months. Xander was heartbroken that his guardian seemed to have forgotten him. He still wrote in his book and drew his child like pictures. He started school and that took his interest, he did make new friends but still he, Will and Jesse were inseparable.
His mom n dad took no interest in Xander’s schooling, glad to have him out from under their feet. He eventually gave up telling them about his school day.
Every morning he would look in his notebook to see if William had been, but for months nothing appeared. He started to write in the book “Miss you” and “Come back”. One morning he woke and looked in the book and to his joy there were words that he hadn’t written, it said “Miss you too pet”. It gave him a warm glow for the whole day, and when he got home that night he took his book and wrote in it “Wake me up William” in his neatest handwriting. He went to bed that night and left his window open, he really tried to stay awake but again he fell asleep.
William climbed thru the window to see his boy fast asleep with the notebook poking out from under the pillow. He pulled it out and read the message. It gave him a happy feeling to know he’d been missed. He couldn’t wait to talk to Xander so he gently shook him awake. Xander knew whose hand was shaking him awake and his little face lit up as he saw William. “I’ve missed you so much William, where did you go? Have you got another boy to guard is that it?”
“No love, just you, but you need guarding in different places at different times” he told him. Xander reached up and hugged him tight, William held him close loving the innocent trust the boy placed in him, the affection he showed him. William and Xander chatted for an hour or so until William heard his parents coming to bed he shushed the boy until he heard them pass the door. Xander looked at the door and then back at William with a sad look on his face.
“William why can’t you be my Daddy, you love me more n my dad, you don’t hit me and you’re not mean. Why can’t you, we can run away to your house, can we William?” William sighed, it was true he loved this boy, he loved him in a different way to the man he would become but nevertheless he loved him more than life and he’d like nothing more than to take him away from his uncaring family.
“It doesn’t work that way pet, it would be wrong for me to take you away and as much as I want to you gotta stay here, but I will be here for you, maybe not every night, or even every week, but I’ll always come back, and bein your Daddy? Keep asking love, you never know one day I might say yes. But now you need to go back to sleep, I’ll stay till morning and I’ll tell you a story about a girl who’s the bravest girl in the world and she protects people from monsters, kay?”
“Cool, has she got a brave bother who does that too?”
“No pet, just a boy like you who she loves like a brother but he’s brave and true, and they and their friends save the world - a lot.”
Xander went to sleep and dreamed of a world where he and Willow and another brave faceless girl were superheroes saving the helpless and destroying evil. William kissed his boy again and tucked his blanket around his shoulders. “Love you pet” he whispered, “Stay safe” and he left as the sun lightened the sky.
William came back the next night and the next and Xander was happy, he had William, someone who was a grown up who cared about him and listened to him and took notice and loved him like a parent should no matter that he wasn’t a parent or ever would be.
William tried hard to explain that sometimes it was difficult for him to come and see him, Xander seemed to understand but William knew if he didn’t turn up for a long period it would hurt and upset the boy. His time with Xander came in fits and starts but he managed to see him on his birthday and Xander was overjoyed. William brought him lots of books all about superheroes, all with pictures and Xander loved them, he made William write in each book and leave a different message in each. He treasured the books and although he couldn’t read well yet he could work out what was happening from the pictures. Xander had saved a piece of cake especially for William and he watched whist he ate it. It was his favourite, chocolate cake, and Will’s mom had made it for him. Xander had told Will and Jesse about his guardian angel but they were disinclined to believe him and Willow especially thought he made him up. Even at such a young age Will knew Xander had an unhappy home life, she thought if she wasn’t happy she’d have an imaginary friend but a girl angel.
Xander swore on his life that William was real but still they just said yeah and nodded. Xander gave up, he knew his William was real and that’s all he cared about.
Over the next couple of years William saw Xander grow into a confident young boy, he saw him about as much as he didn’t, if he missed a week or a month he’d try his damndest to make it up and stay the same amount of time he’d missed.
It was just after Xander’s eighth birthday, William came by to find Xander missing. His parents were there but not Xan. He was worried, but not unduly. He decided to play safe, it had just turned dark and he went to Willow’s house, knocked on the door and luckily for him Willow answered.
“Hey Red, er Willow, I’m William. You know where Xander is?” The eight year old Willow looked at William in shock realising that Xander hadn’t made up this person and that here he was.
“He’s in- in hospital, he b-broke his arm and they said he should stay there. You’re real!” she said.
“Course, but you should try n forget you saw me pet. Hospital then. Bye Will, go inside you’ll be safe there” he said turning on his heel he strode off to the hospital to see his boy.
Once there he went to the children’ ward and said he was Xander’s uncle visiting from England, the nurse was a bit iffy but Xander had heard the raised voice of William and came out of his room “William” he whispered, William heard and turning saw a very pale small frightened boy.
“Oh pet, how’d you do that? Fall out of a tree?” William knew as soon as there was no forthcoming answer what might have happened. He growled low in his throat and his eyes flashed yellow, Xander saw, and sobbing threw himself at William.
“I w-was so sc-scared, and he h-hurt me William, it was daylight and, and he shouldn’t b-be a monster. Take me away William, p-please can I come with
y-you.”
“Oh pet, I’m so sorry, so bloody sorry.” He held the boy tight to him willing his pain and fright to leave. “Come on pet, which is your bed” he asked picking him up in is arms. The nurse seeing how well his Uncle was with her charge allowed him to take Xander back to his bed, poor little kid’s parents hadn’t been near nor by. William tucked Xander back into his bed, and asked his question.
“Was it your Dad?” Xander nodded his head, tears dripping down his face.
”Can you tell me what happened?”
“I was playing inside and he came home and I turned round quick and knocked over a vase and it spilled water on his trousers, he, he just looked at them and then me and he got h-hold of me by my arm, I tried to get away William, b-but he th-threw me and I hit the wall and fell over and down the step, I heard a snap and then, then, oh Will, it hurt so much I couldn’t get up cause my arm was under me. Mom brought me and said I fell on the step and trapped my arm under me, she wanted me to stay here so they said yes” he came to the end of his story, all the time he’d spoken William had grown more and more angry.
“He won’t hurt you again pet, I promise you, might be mean and nasty but he wont lay a finger on you.” He reassured the boy.
“Be my Daddy William?”
“Much as I want to say yes pet, now’s not the right time. I’m too angry with your real Dad, and how could your mum allow this to happen.” He seethed and almost as an after thought he said “Oh, yeah, met Willow”
“You did, now she knows you’re real” this seemed to cheer Xander up no end. “Will you write on my plaster William?”
Course pet, what d’you want me to put?”
“William, Guardian Angel, please”
”You got it pet” he wrote in his neatest hand and drew a little fanged face next to it which made Xander snigger. William said he had to go see the nurse a minute and went out to the desk. He asked how long Xander would be in and she told him he would be released tomorrow. William asked if he’d been admitted before and the nurse said no, it wasn’t on his records. Satisfied he went back to Xander. He told him a story and said he’d stay a while, but he had something to see to and couldn’t stay till morning. Xander fell asleep, William kissed his forehead, tucked him up and left.
Anyone out on the street seeing him avoided him, he was a man with a purpose, and his mission was revenge.
He arrived at Xander’s house and knocked on the door. Harris senior came to the door, stinking of drink, he told William to ‘take a hike faggot’ but William pushed past him and shut the door holding him by the throat. Harris knew this was serious, he started to try and bluster his way out of whatever trouble he was in. William didn’t give him a chance.
“You piece of filth. Break your own flesh and blood’s arm would you just cos he wet yer pants. Bet if I squeeze yer neck I could make ya wet yer own pants, but I don’t think I’m gonna do that.” He took hold of Harris senior’s pinkie and snapped it. Harris screamed but William held his hand over his mouth to muffle the sound. He went on to break all the fingers and thumb on his right hand. By the time they were all broken he had wet his own pants.
“Listen and listen good. You ever touch that kid again or get anyone else to hurt him, I’ll come back and you’ll think this was a fuckin picnic. You understand?” Harris sobbed and nodded, William threw him down.
“Tell the boy you had an accident at work if he asks. If he finds out it was me, he might, well, just don’t tell him. I’ll know if you do. Don’t think I won’t keep my promise if anything happens to him. There are worse things than death, I can keep you alive a long, long time in the most abject pain and utter misery. I’ve had a lot of practice. And I’d really, really enjoy seeing you suffer. People think I’m evil, spose I am being a monster n all, but you -you’ve no excuse. Hell’s too good a place for you.” As an after thought he added “Better get them fingers seen to pretty soon, don’t want em turning funny” he left the same way he came in closing the door softly.
William came back the next night to se Xander, he crept in and woke him up, the boy was again overjoyed to see him.
He told him his dad had hurt his hand, but as he was telling him William could see the cogs turning.
“William, did - did you do it?” he blurted out in a rush.
“What ever gave you that impression pet?” he asked innocently.
“I know you did, you said tell me if anyone was horrid to me in the day and you’d get em, and you did didn’t you?”
“How would you feel Xan if I said I did?” he asked him hesitantly. The boy gave his question a lot of thought, William could see him struggle with his emotions. Finally he said “I don’t feel anything - why? I’m not sad or mad, just ….. nothing.”
“What if it was me with the hurt hand, how would you feel then?” William knew he shouldn’t but he wanted to know the depth of Xander’s feelings, would he be bothered about him? Again he thought long and hard, he crept closer to William and buried his face in his guardian’s chest and in a muffled voice said “Don’t want to think about it”.
Well it wasn’t exactly the answer he wanted, he ruffled Xander’s hair “C’mon pet, let’s read some more stories from your Star Trek book.”
“Don’t want you to get hurt” he said quietly.
“Not gonna pet, so don’t let it bother ya. Now, didn’t we get to ‘The trouble with tribbles?’ Shall I read n you listen or d’you wanna read?”
“You read” he said happily, so William read all about the furry little blighters and the trouble they caused. When he finished the story William told Xander to go back to sleep and he’d stay till morning.
“Tuck me in?” he asked.
“As if I wouldn’t pet!” Impulsively Xander reached up and put his arms around William’s neck and kissed him “Love you William”. He watched for William’s reaction hoping he hadn’t done wrong but all he saw was William’s eyes go all glassy as if he was going to cry.
“Was that wrong, have I made you sad?”
“No pet, I love you too and you make me very happy. Now go to sleep like a good boy”. William sat and watched Xander sleep and ponder on how a child so wonderful could have a father that was so immune to his charm, his infectious happy nature and his enthusiasm in all things.
Life could be a real bitch sometimes.
Xander was never hurt by his father again, in fact Harris Senior distanced himself so much from Xander he sometimes thought his dad didn’t even know he was there. It didn’t bother him, he had William after all who loved him and cared for him like a real dad.
Over the years Xander’s feelings for Will never wavered, yes they had cross words and disagreed but they always made up and parted amicably. As he grew from a boy to a young man William taught Xander about the place he lived in, about how unsafe it was and why it was unsafe. He taught him how to fight, how to stake a vampire, other deterrents he could use. He taught him about demons, the good and the bad, in fact Xander was a very knowledgeable boy on all things evil by the time he went to high school.
William also told him about the Slayer, saying she would be coming to live in Sunnydale soon, and how they would be friends, but he hadn’t to let on about what he knew or his fighting skills. There was something else he had to tell Xander and this would be hard, he eventually worked himself up to it one night when they were out.
Xander knew there was something wrong by the way William kept fiddling with his zippo and smoking too much, he knew he’d tell him when he was good and ready though. He always got round to stuff.
“Xan? You, what, 15 now? So, known ya for 10 years. Long time that pet innit?”
“Sure is my bleached protector” he quipped.
“Never told ya lies have I pet, always been honest, always looked out for ya.”
“William, what’s wrong? Oh. My. God!! This is it isn’t it? You’re going to leave, I’ve had my allotted time, that slayer’s coming and she’s gonna protect me isn’t she? No! I want you, you can’t go, William, you can’t ever leave me, ever cause I - I - you just fucking can’t leave me!” Xander babbled, his worst fear coming to the fore. William took hold of his arms and held him firm.
“I - am - not - leaving - you. Got that pet?” Xander nodded his shoulders slumped, his head dropped to his chest, clearly relieved.
“But more to the point pet, why can’t I ever leave you?” he asked softly, needing to know the reason, hoping he already knew.
Xander squirmed, he didn’t want to say a thing to William, he’d felt strange around him for a while now and then he’d started having dreams, disturbing dreams, about William.
He’d always thought of William as a father figure, but for the past year or so his feelings had undergone a drastic change. Sure, he loved him, with all his heart, but that love had undergone a radical change in direction. He no longer thought of William as his father, he thought of him as something much more intimate.
He couldn’t tell William, he really couldn’t, he’d never trust him again, and he’d never touch him, and he would think he was sick and filthy, and he’d hate him.
That’s what his dad thought about people like that, he’d heard his opinion on the so called faggots on TV often enough to know.
How could he possibly tell William his feelings?
“Come on pet, tell me, you know you can tell me anything Xander. Absolutely anything.”
No he couldn’t tell him this.
He looked up at Williams face, how he’d come to love looking at it, he wanted to touch it now, to kiss those pale lips, to feel his arms holding him tight, to feel his body pressed against his and to feel the bulge of his - no, can’t go there, no siree, not no way, uhn hun. William was caught unprepared as the waft of pheromones came off Xander, he inhaled deeply, his eyes changing to yellow, he waited for Xander to speak.
“Tell me pet, please?”
“No reason William, I just would miss you is all”
“Liar. Xander I know you’d miss me but that’s not it. I want you to tell me, I need you to tell me. Please?”
“Nothing to tell” he insisted.
“I’ll say how I feel then OK?” Xander nodded.
“I’ve loved you pet, since before I met you crying on the grass when you were five years old. I knew all about you cause I already knew you, time paradox pet, alternate or parallel universe stuff, but I loved you before. It changed for me when I met you as a little boy, still loved you, but different, not a pervert. My bloody unbeating heart went out to you, such a brave little sod. Now tho, it’s changed again. I want you Xan, I love you and I hope the reason you don’t ever want me to go is cause you feel the same. Is it pet?”
William waited for it to sink in, he would give Xander time, all the time he wanted or needed. Xander was stunned by William’s confession. How could there be another him? Was William a time traveller? But, the thing that was upper most in his mind was that he loved him, like Xander wanted him to. He couldn’t speak. Couldn’t think properly, all he realised was he loved him. It changed everything.
Xander leaned into William and just held him, his firm body moulding to his own, feeling arms wrapping around his back, he was loved, and he loved in return. He felt cool lips on his cheek and turned his head, his eyes closed as he felt those same cool lips close over his own, gently pressing against him, Xander parted his lips slightly and William’s tongue sought entry. Soft and gentle, moving over his lips, tangling tongues, no urgency, no lust, achingly tender and loving, William kissed the untainted and inexperienced mouth of the boy he had loved for what seemed like all of his existence. Reluctantly pulling away from him so he could breath, Xander knew wonder.
Is it always like that?”
“No love, it’s never been like that before, and it never will be again. That was our first kiss - this time, and it was nothing like our first kiss last time. I love you so much Xander. You are my life. But there are things I have to tell you. Will you listen?” Xander was still trying to get over The Kiss. Not that he wanted to get over it, he wanted to re-live it.
“Can we do that again?”
“Love! You got to concentrate here. Listen to me then we can, but it won’t be as good as that one, no, that’s the wrong word - memorable’s the right word, not good cause every kiss with you is good”
“Promise I’ll listen, then we can get with the tongue action?” William sighed, he was sorely tempted to just throw Xan down and shag him, but he wasn’t the same vampire he used to be, and this was a boy who had so recently (to him) been a 5 year old child. Plus even tho he did want him, it was wrong, he was too young, he needed time, he needed age and maturity and now certainly wasn’t the right time. He shuddered at the thought.
“Right love, the thing is, the slayer is coming to town, hot on her heels is Angel” he shuddered at the thought.
“Oh, yeah, the broody one, tell me again why we don’t like him?”
“Xander, I don’t like him cause he’s a git and my Sire and You should never ever trust him. Understand?” he nodded.
“Right then, so after they arrive a while later I turn up” Xander brightened. “But I won’t be ‘me’ me if you see what I mean”. Xander did, he’d watched enough sci-fi to know all about time and how screwed up things could become because of it.
“So the you that’s coming is a you from before the time you met me?”
“Got it love, and cause of that he won’t know you from Adam, well he won’t know you at all, and he’s mean Xan, god is he mean, so you - Stay Away. He’s not the kind old bugger I am and he’d drink a tasty treat like you down in one with no regrets. And I for one do not want that to happen. Don’t try to charm him, it won’t work, oh yeah. And for god’s sake watch out for Dru. She may be nuttier than a fruit cake but she is dangerous.”
”Fruit cake doesn’t have nuts!” William sighed, sometimes his boy could be very obtuse.
“So I have to stay away from you and this Dru, who is she?”
“She’s the one that made me what I am today pet, she killed me and made me live again, but she was barmy and couldn’t look after me and teach me so Angel, the tosser, did it for her.”
“Did you love her?” he was jealous.
“Pet, we were together for 100 years, course I bloody loved her, looked after her cause she couldn’t do it herself, more like a nanny in the end” he said wistfully, remembering the happy times with his Dru.
“You gotta be prepared, and don’t ever, ever let on about me.”
“Why William, why did you come back to look after me?” Now here was the $64K question, and he was damned if he was going to tell the truth, he’d have to hedge or just tell him he couldn’t tell him.
“Can’t actually tell you love, don’t wanna have to change time, don’t want to risk losing you, but you’re gonna be fine now the slayer’s coming along, but that doesn’t mean I won’t still try to get back and check on you.” Xander was satisfied that he wasn’t being left in the lurch. He understood the time thing, and if William thought he was going to leave the William who didn’t know him alone, well he was as barmy as that Dru woman! He ran all the new information around in his head, he was still worried as to why William had come back to look out for him, maybe something bad had happened, or maybe he just couldn’t get enough of him. He hoped it was the latter.
William hadn’t let go of him all the time he’d been speaking, Xander had found it safe and comforting and also a massive turn on to be held so close by another man.
William obviously realised just how turned on Xander was by the enticing smell wafting off him. He was sure as hell not going to go any further than kissing.
Sure.
Completely.
100%.
He would hold firm and not be swayed.
“Will, can we kiss some more?” It was so hard trying to resist that innocent face and those soft, almost child’s lips, so he of course gave in. He loved kissing his boy anytime, any place, anywhere, no matter how inappropriate! Xander thoroughly enjoyed the kissing experience, he was a very quick learner, as William knew only too well. The kisses were soft and loving, none of the hard demanding needy kisses William loved to get from Xander, no they were a long way off, he was content now to be loved and kissed.
Xander soon started to let his hands roam over William’s body, and once he realised what was happening he pulled abruptly away.
“Wh- what’s wrong Will?”
“Nothin pet, it’s just you were aiming for more than kisses and I don’t want you to do that yet, you’re not ready. You’ve got a lot of things to experience. You may well love me, but you actually like girls too, and I’m not going to ruin you for them, you’ve a long life in front of you pet, and there’s plenty of time for you n me. Your still very much a child love - I don’t mean that in a nasty way, I just don’t want you growing up too quick; appreciate being a teenager, learn to know your body and other people’s, not just mine. I want you Xan, but for your own good I’m not gonna have you. Yet.”
Xander didn’t really understand - he wanted Will and he really didn’t welcome being told he was still a child, adults and especially adult vampires were an odd bunch. He had really liked the feel of Wills firm ass and as he pressed it to him the bulge in the front of his pants, oh yeah, he’d be having baaaad dreams tonight! Make no mistake!
“It’s new, and I want you, it’s as simple as that Will, you might think I’m too young, but I don’t. This doesn’t mean I’ll stop trying”
“I know love, but trust me, I know it sounds trite, but it really is for your own good. And now young man, I think it’s time for your beauty sleep, or to rest those overactive brain cells if nothing else!”
“OK - daddy!” Xander didn’t know what he’d done but all of a sudden there was a tongue in his mouth forcing him to submit, he did gladly, he nearly came in his shorts at the onslaught. As suddenly as it started it stopped. William regained control of himself, but his eyes were the colour of amber and he’d cut Xander’s lip with his fangs. He bent and delicately lapped at the cuts he’d made, and once they had stopped bleeding and the wound had closed he lightly kissed them.
“I’m sorry love. I just got a little carried away. I haven’t said I’d be your dad and you shouldn’t call me it”
”Wow, is that what did it? Is there some strange kind of magical daddy word or something? Cool!”
“Xan love, you have no idea pet, there’s such a lot I don’t want you to know, not for a long, long time, now, none of your procrastinating, bugger off home and get some kip!”
“I so love you William, and now I’m really glad you are absolutely no relation whatsoever to me, cause that would be just like - Gross!!! Ewwww!” William laughed at Xander’s show of distaste, he was so pure and innocent, so good and wholesome, he hoped he’d stay that way, and, unless anything untoward happened he knew he would.