Song of Myself (closed to all but Zigfried)
[In Atem’s mind]
Gone. My Shadow Magic is all gone. The power of the gods, that which made me a god, has been taken from me. Spent in its final moments protecting and defending my friends, as well as causing them pain. (Story of my life!) Leaving me with only an average amount or mortal magic, the dicipline it takes to control all kinds, and the tragic feeling left from its wake. I practically flew alongside Ra himself, now have fallen from the great height to my mortal place here on earth.
And yet there is a part of me that is… relieved! Of all the emotion I expected to feel once I began losing my powers, I never expected feeling so unburdened!
The Shadows had been whispering in my ear since I was a child. They saw the potential I had to be a true god of darkness. I accepted them with the overall reason to use its magic to save my people. But there was a selfishness behind that reason: I wanted to save myself from mortality. Human beings are extremely fragile, constantly divided between good and evil, and highly emotional. I was responsible to the protection of thousands, and wished to become more than only human. To do so, I sacrificed my soul to become enshrowded by evil. My emotions, my weaknesses, and my dichotomy of my heart were supposed to shrivel up and die! What happened to my physical body was insignifigant. I felt that I never would want to be mortal again. But the gods have a sick sense of humor, and I was trapped in the Millennium Puzzle for three thousand years.
Yugi was the one who rescued me from the Puzzle and the darkness. He proved to me that goodness, compassion, trust, and love potentially make mortal life worth having. He found the light buried within the Shadows, and began to bring it out. I felt that no mortal had the capability to do so. But somehow, he taught me how to love and believe in the strength of human beings. He nurtured the light in my heart and still came out as pure and innocent as ever, even from within the heart of darkness incarnate. I admire his endurace, and I am very grateful that he never gave up on me.
When I was brought back to life, the Shadows were slowly taken away from me. I found myself able to love romantically again, and spent more time with Zigfried. The light became visable. Zigfried saw it! It was still there, not shriveled but still strong and vibrant. I have seen through example that Zigfried’s soul is beautiful, proud, and fiercely passionate. He has been a source of strength for me. I am humbled by his light, and wish to never leave his side.
I am ashamed at the current state of my body and my powers, but there is a growing part of me that wishes to remain as I am now. It is in my nature to protect those I love from everything I have seen within the darkness, everything I know that can hurt them, and this leaves me scared and angered at my helplessness. But isn’t this part of the human condition? Is being only human so bad? Isn’t the freedom to love worth the weakness?
I can feel the heat radiating from my body. My immune system has been damaged from straining my magic, and I must have caught something. I’m not sure. Its just hard to move.
All I am sure of is my nursemaid. My protector and my reason for protecting, my reason for my torn feelings, my love, my light, my life, my Zigfried.
[In real life]
* Zigfried places a cool, wet cloth to his forehead. Atem jokes aloud in a raspy voice,* Best be careful. A man could get used to being waited on like this! *He opens his eyes and smirks.*
[The title, by the way, is based on Walt Witman’s famous poem “Song of Myself.”]