Eighth Wonder of World Solved!
I have discovered the answer to one of the greatest mysteries on the face of the earth!
Q: How the hell do those shoes and socks end up on the side of the road all the time? Do they just accidently fall off while people are sticking their feet out the window? Do they leave them on the car and they fall off while going down the road? Do animals steal them from garbage cans and landfills and drop them their haste to cross the street?
A: NO, none of those things are correct. As usual, my time spent in the parking lot has allowed me to reflect, observe, and form theories about the answer to this questions that has plagued the normal human brain ever since the times when indians wore whatever they wore before they wore moccasins and they would see them scattered along the trail. First of all, all the theories mentioned above do not hold water at all due to the low occurence of people hanging their feet out the window (especiall in winter), or putting sheos on top of cars, and their aint enough racoons in the wild to carry all those shoes that are seen everywhere, big cities, small cities, warm climates, dry climates, cold climates, wet climates, its everywhere! (Bye the way, whats the deal with shoes being wrapped around telephone wires and stuff? does that mean something?)
Anyhow, here is your answer, this is how it happens, I witnessed it 3 times today, i may be the first person in the history of the planet who isnt in on this random roadside shoe distribution ring that has ever seen it 3 times in one day. (I have never seen it even ONCE before today.) They are a tricky bunch, their techniques vary, each picking a technique that works best for them and then perfecting it so that no one will ever catch them and they can keep the mystery going forever, and if they do figure it out, it will be to late, cause they will be long gone, so here is how it works.
They buy new shoes, take them out to the car, put the new shoes on, and throw the old ones out the window!!
I have discovered 3 of their techniques so far. the first technique i witnessed, called "shoebox suprise." is to put the old shoes in teh new shoes box, and then slip them underneath the grocery cart, so that it appears that someone left new shoes under the cart and forgot to grab them. THen, when someone goes to pick up the box, thinking they get a new pair of shoes for free, they are shocked to find old shitty shoes. these are perhaps the most cunning, deceitful, and most highly trained bunch in the group.
THe second technique, called the "slipper slip" is done by sliping the old shoes underneath the car so that they cant be seen, then after waiting for the exact perfect moment, BOOM, they take off and are gone, leaving behind only a pair or worn out shoes in their tracks.
The third technique, my favorite, i call these people the "loafter lofters." they are perhaps the least trained of all the RRSDR (random roadside shoe distribution ring) these are the people who are responsibe for the shoes on the expressway, which sparked mine, and many peoples interest, whihc led me on to their trail. These people are the poeple i must follow closely and use them to bring down the rest of the ring.
THis goes to show you that any ring is only as strong as its weakest...person.
that sucked.
i didnt spell check this, or reread it or nuthing, NOT EVEN A PEER REVIEW!! so if something doesnt make sense tuff, its 1 18 AM, im going to bed.
Q: How the hell do those shoes and socks end up on the side of the road all the time? Do they just accidently fall off while people are sticking their feet out the window? Do they leave them on the car and they fall off while going down the road? Do animals steal them from garbage cans and landfills and drop them their haste to cross the street?
A: NO, none of those things are correct. As usual, my time spent in the parking lot has allowed me to reflect, observe, and form theories about the answer to this questions that has plagued the normal human brain ever since the times when indians wore whatever they wore before they wore moccasins and they would see them scattered along the trail. First of all, all the theories mentioned above do not hold water at all due to the low occurence of people hanging their feet out the window (especiall in winter), or putting sheos on top of cars, and their aint enough racoons in the wild to carry all those shoes that are seen everywhere, big cities, small cities, warm climates, dry climates, cold climates, wet climates, its everywhere! (Bye the way, whats the deal with shoes being wrapped around telephone wires and stuff? does that mean something?)
Anyhow, here is your answer, this is how it happens, I witnessed it 3 times today, i may be the first person in the history of the planet who isnt in on this random roadside shoe distribution ring that has ever seen it 3 times in one day. (I have never seen it even ONCE before today.) They are a tricky bunch, their techniques vary, each picking a technique that works best for them and then perfecting it so that no one will ever catch them and they can keep the mystery going forever, and if they do figure it out, it will be to late, cause they will be long gone, so here is how it works.
They buy new shoes, take them out to the car, put the new shoes on, and throw the old ones out the window!!
I have discovered 3 of their techniques so far. the first technique i witnessed, called "shoebox suprise." is to put the old shoes in teh new shoes box, and then slip them underneath the grocery cart, so that it appears that someone left new shoes under the cart and forgot to grab them. THen, when someone goes to pick up the box, thinking they get a new pair of shoes for free, they are shocked to find old shitty shoes. these are perhaps the most cunning, deceitful, and most highly trained bunch in the group.
THe second technique, called the "slipper slip" is done by sliping the old shoes underneath the car so that they cant be seen, then after waiting for the exact perfect moment, BOOM, they take off and are gone, leaving behind only a pair or worn out shoes in their tracks.
The third technique, my favorite, i call these people the "loafter lofters." they are perhaps the least trained of all the RRSDR (random roadside shoe distribution ring) these are the people who are responsibe for the shoes on the expressway, which sparked mine, and many peoples interest, whihc led me on to their trail. These people are the poeple i must follow closely and use them to bring down the rest of the ring.
THis goes to show you that any ring is only as strong as its weakest...person.
that sucked.
i didnt spell check this, or reread it or nuthing, NOT EVEN A PEER REVIEW!! so if something doesnt make sense tuff, its 1 18 AM, im going to bed.